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Insensitive- family joking i need anger management

3 replies

Sunshineworshipper · 12/09/2018 23:54

Hi everyone, what can I say I'm at breaking point. Didn't know whether to put this in the life limiting illness section or MH section. I have long term physical illness gastro/autoimmune conditions. The past 6 years have been a roller coaster of ill health in and out hosp, losing career, near death experiences etc. Last year I had surgery for one of my long term condition and suffered complications at the hands of an incompetent surgeon. It was scary and traumatic.
Then this year has been one of the worst years of my life if u can see my previous posts I had to have a surgical termination for medical reasons at the start of the year under consultant review. We wanted this baby so much but it was not meant to be. It turned out to be a failed termination. 4 weeks later I haemorrhaged, had to go through second surgery and had a nasty infection for months. The staff at the hosp acted very negligently. It affected me mentally so bad and I don't think I'll ever get over it!!
On top of that I have suffered another traumatic experience this year I won't go in to. If I told u all everything I've been through the likelihood is you'd think I was scripting from a soap opera. My close friends & partner have been amazing and they all just keep saying the same things how bad they feel for me and they just want life to improve for me and that I'm unlucky. I honestly feel I have a hex on me as u couldn't make up the things that have happened.

Recently I've been on holiday with my close & extended family. This was meant to be time to chill and relax and recover. What do u know, in my true hex form it's been the holiday from hell with lots of stressful experiences and mishaps.

I am at the stage mentally that I cannot cope anymore with any form of stress. I have OCD, paranoia and anxiety/depression. I actually think I have PTSD now from the past few years. During the stress periods I get very angry, snappy, tearful, avoidant, short and tend to go inwards and not to talk as I find it all too much to express. It's like the littlest thing sets me off now. I used to be such a calm person with a good sense of humour and I feel so lost now. Some members of my family, including my sister have made "joking" remarks like I'm nuts with my ocd & compulsions, that I need anger management and that it's all in my head etc. My sister now lives in another country so she actually doesn't always see what I really go through. I am so sensitive at the moment that I struggle with such remarks from her to be honest. I then find myself coming across as "victimy" and end up crying and have to keep reminding them of the horrible events i've gone through including having my dead baby inside me that we very much wanted for a month after surgery to remove the baby.
I am FED UP reminding them and I'm at the stage where I just feel like cutting them all off as I think they're quite heartless and just seem to think I should take the approach of getting over it.

I am prescribed valium for my panic attacks at the moment as they are very intense since the pregnancy. That's about the only thing that helps.

What are u supposed to do with these insensitive people who just have the get over it approach and actually express no empathy/sympathy for u?

OP posts:
Nogodsnomasters · 13/09/2018 07:49

Ignore them op. If they are able to make these comments then they either do not understand or care what you've been through OR they are trying to stay lighthearted because they don't know how to speak about your poor mental health. Either way, it is none of your business (in a good way) why they say these things and all you have to do is either ignore them or have limited contact, especially with the sister who lives away now. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and I'm glad you have a supportive partner and take some medication to help control some of your symptoms but have you had any therapy yet?

ElspethFlashman · 13/09/2018 07:54

Are you on antidepressants? It sounds as if your mental health is quite bad at the moment but you don't say.

Sunshineworshipper · 13/09/2018 22:55

@nogodsnomasters thanks for your response. I agree I think it's time to distance myself as they just don't get it.

@elspethflashman I have had months of counselling and psychology. I am under a psychiatrist now too who I'm seeing again next month. I am only in amitriptyline but that's tricyclic used for chronic pain. I have been on and off SSRIs since I was 18. I'm now 31. I have been offered venalfaxine but wary as it took me ages with withdrawal effects coming off duloxetine and that's a similar antdepressant. For me they never treat the depression just the anxiety.
I have tried exercise, diet, meditation, massages you name it I've tried it. But I agree my MH is at an all time low and I can't cope anymore. I think I'm actually experiencing a breakdown. I just don't want to be on pills forever as I am already on other meds for my autoimmune diseases. Depression is also a symptom of one of my physical health problems.

Thanks for listening x

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