I really feel like I can’t go to family wedding

[DarkDarkNight]

I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s my siblings wedding, and I can’t see myself being able to go. I am teary every time I think about it. I don’t think my brother would even mind, he is not bothered about a wedding and has had nothing to do with planning it but I feel under so much pressure. I know I can’t go, and need a way out.

As background I have GAD and depression. I have suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember (certainly since early in Junior School) but only had treatment in the last few years. I have always been extremely self conscious in social situations, slightly phobic and avoidant, and an over-thinker.

I have put weight on and hate myself and how I look. I have always been very hard on myself and my appearance and had extremely disordered eating as a teen. I know this sounds so self centred, but unless I am slim and have what I think of as a perfect body I don’t feel worthy. I can’t bear the thought of having to dress up and people looking at me.

Hello. I have similar issues to you and believe me I know how hard it is to go to events, some days I struggle to even leave the house.

As difficult as it is, you can't miss your brothers wedding - believe me you will regret it for the rest of your life.

It's also really not good to allow your mental health to control your life. YOU are in control of your life, not this illness!

I would get a really flattering empire line dress and hold my head up with confidence.
Is there a partner, friend or parent you can confide in that you can sit with as a sort of comfort blanket?

Hi, thank you for your reply.

I am justifying it that he is not bothered about being married. She has been very open about ‘getting him to propose at last’ but I know how it would be seen if I didn’t go.

I have nobody I can confide in. I am single, and don’t have any friends. My work colleagues are all outgoing and love a party so would never understand.

I do feel like my mental health has always controlled my life. There is no magic wand to feeling better and able to face it.

What support are you getting for your mental health? Is there anyway you can talk through a plan of how to deal with the wedding? How close to home is the wedding?

I know it's not the same but I could have written your OP in August... Except I was the bride. Honestly, I worried for nothing. I've seen some pictures friends took and it turns out I'm not that fat. Also, I wish I could go back to that day/night as it was amazing!

Maybe head over to the style/fashion boards here and ask for advice on how to dress in a way that will make you feel confident? The most stunning woman I ever saw at a wedding was probably obese on the BMI chart, but dear god she looked fabulous

I understand OP. I wish every human being would have a panic attack just once in their life, so they'd understand.

I know you are trying to justify it but your brother wouldn't be getting married if he didn't want to. I think you should at least go to the ceremony and maybe meal you can maybe make your excuses and leave after but I think it would be nice to support your brother. Q

Do you have any family members you can lean on for support to help you through the wedding.

Could you make it through the ceremony and leave at the earliest possible opportunity? You don't have to be there for 10 hours.

I'm sure you are not anywhere near as big as you think you are and it is highly unlikely that anyone - in the nicest possible way - will be scrutinising you - all eyes on the bride and all that.

If you don't go it will become another stick to beat yourself with at low times. Imagine how proud you will feel of yourself after.

I have nobody I can talk to about my mental health, I had CBT a while ago now which helped to ease some of my anxiety (the guilt and constant checking behaviour) but I think the low self worth and lack of confidence are just who I fundamentally am. I don’t think it will ever change. I never understood how overwhelming the panic can be until I went through a bad patch at work so I can understand how somebody who has never suffered just doesn’t ‘get it’.

The wedding is local, I have other family members who are less than enthusiastic about it, but are resigned to going. They have been together just over 20 years without a wedding, and I know it is my issue but I am so resentful towards her for pushing the issue. I know I will have to go but I am in tears and overwhelmed every time I think about it.

I don’t think anybody could suggest anything to help me look good. Nothing suits me, I look frumpy in everything. I hate how my figure has changed and I avoid anything that means I have to dress up. It makes me feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.