Anxiety

[plumcat]

Just looking to rant or get some opinions from people.I've struggled from anxiety since childhood and I'm now 30 years old. I really don't like to socialise, and if I ever do it's more to "show face" . I have a shared garden and I rarely hang out my washing due to fear of seeing my neighbours because I really find small talk excruciating and exhausting. I know people thing I'm weird and I can come across as rude or self centred, but I'm really just most comfortable in my own home . I feel like I live in my head, that's where I can be myself. I always feel like I'm being watched when I go outside and find public transport to be another excruciating experience. I hate when my door goes or if my phone rings and I don't know the number. I've went through at least twenty jobs because I've always had issues with work. I don't work well in groups and have never fit in wherever I go. I'm always the "weird" one who doesn't communicate the way others do and always end up calling in sick too many times due to how I feel and then end up quitting because I know I've gotten myself a bad reputation. There have been many times where someone is telling me to do something and I misinterpret it because I'm so worried about how to respond that I don't actually hear what they have said. I also make mistakes when I feel I'm being watched, so although I would regard myself as quite intelligent, people in the work place have viewed me as not so intelligent. I feel lost in life, like I don't belong here and have come from another planet. I walk awkwardly, look awkward and I'm just so insecure and out of place .

You don't have to suffer like this.

So much you have described I suffer with to, it's classic anxiety and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

You have lots of options, CBT therapy worked well for me and a beta blocker for physical symptoms, but you can try different therapy or more intensive medication, but it's not your fault and it can get easier. Have you tried any of these things? X

I was in your position two years ago. I couldn't keep a job (I left one at lunchtime on my first day my anxiety was so bad) and I struggled with things like leaving the house, people at the door unexpectedly (I still do to an extent) but it can get easier.

I was competent but ultimately unreliable because of my anxiety. But it is a medical condition, and once you take steps to improve it things will get easier.

I can really relate to a lot of what you've said here and it's so difficult. My anxiety leads me to believe everyone hates me and I've really struggled with work and fitting in. Because I'm so uncomfortable I must give off a certain vibe and people do end up disliking me. I seem to make more enemies than friends wherever I go. I have tried CBT and unfortunately am on a waitlist for further therapy as my issues have not yet been resolved. It's really got me down at the moment to the point of depression. I know my response doesn't offer much help but to reassure you that you're definitely not alone!

Thank you everyone for your replies.
I also suffer from depression and I'm on 100mg sertraline a day. This doesn't by any means take my problems away but I didn't know how I would feel without them. I have had counselling but it's really not helped on the long term, just the short term. I'm on the waiting list for CBT. I'm starting to think I could possibly have aspergers or be autistic as life is so difficult and I feel I have a lot of traits that are on the spectrum. Could I really feel this way from anxiety and depression alone? Or maybe something else is causing the anxiety and depression ?

Excuse the typos 😳