Crippling health anxiety...

[PurpleFishCakes]

I'm not sure what to do about it. My current 'illnesses' are 1)Unknown but likely fatal and 2)Bladder or kidney cancer.

I have a petechiae rash on my stomach and underside of breasts. I googled it and there HAS to be something causing it. The causes range from relatively benign to leukemia.

I went to the doctor once I established that the rash was petechiae. No other symptoms that I WAS aware of (they are cropping up everywhere now). Was sent for blood tests.

Blood tests came back all normal. Doctor sent me for further/more detailed blood test and urinalysis. Blood test came back all clear but there was some blood (microscopic) in the urine & bacteria. Redid the urine test which came back with same level of blood and unable to grow a culture as no bacteria present.

My period is due anytime now so the doctor has given me a requisition form for another urine test to be completed a few days after my period. If there is still blood present he is going to refer to a urologist.

He asked about symptoms like night sweats (not that I COULD recall at the time in fact I've woken up cold during the past couple of nights) but... given time to reflect I did go to the doctor ages ago about hideous night sweats but they passed and I haven't had them since. For context I'm 44 and the doc put the sweats down to a hormonal blip (paraphrasing here) but maybe he was wrong!

He asked about itching. Nothing much until I read that itchy skin is a sign of bladder cancer. Since then I'm noticing every time I scratch my nose or where my t'shirt sleeve touches my skin or where my jean waistband/bra has cut in. Presumably the type of itchiness he's on about is quite noticeable and unrelenting??

He asked about 'unexplained weight loss' and all of a sudden my jeans feel loose. I have now totally lost my appetite which I KNOW happens when I get like this. So now I'll start losing weight anyway (it's okay...there is plenty to spare!).

The question about 'change in bowel habits'... Well, when I'm anxious I get diarrhea. My insides are in knots so of course they have changed!

Peeing. I'm peeing like every two minutes because I'm terrified! I pee a lot anyway as I drink a lot of water. Now all I can think about is how I get the feeling that I need to pee, go to the toilet and barely anything comes out. I was only on the toilet about half an hour previously! I could go on and describe all of the other weird peeing sensations I get... And I don't even know if they are a result of something I read or if I SHOULD be concerned. Or just been there forever and only noticing now that they have been pointed out. Also a lot changed after having my son (9.5 lbs) so I'm mostly grateful my insides stay put!

Fever. No. That's the only thing I can categorically say I don't have.

Tiredness. Always. But I get up before 6 Am. Work full time, have 2 school age kids, my husband works a lot of evenings/weekends and doesn't engage in a lot of the 'thinking/planning' stuff (this is totally a separate issue and I am aware of it)to having kids so I've got a lot on my plate. My brain is pretty much exhausted by 10 pm.

Now I'm in a total state. No appetite, upset stomach from worry, peeing every two minutes from worry. I can't concentrate which is disastrous for my job (think engineering type work).

Doctor has been VERY clear that he isn't concerned. The rash and blood are not related in his view. Bloods look fine, I shouldn't worry...

But my god it's absolutely horrific! I'm beyond terrified. I constantly feel sick to my stomach. I can't sleep. I don't know what I want to achieve with this blatant oversharing on an internet forum but I just wanted to be able to put down how I'm feeling.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Have you talked openly with the GP about your concerns with regards to addressing your anxiety, rather than the specific (health anxiety) form it takes? There are treatments for anxiety which they could recommend. You are not alone by any means and they will already have many patients with anxiety.

In case that doesn't quite make sense, I mean talk to the doctor about what you can do about the health anxiety itself rather than just the various physical things you've discussed.

One thing I find helpful when I have health anxiety which I get s lot, is to stop my self checking. Do you check your rash, or your pee when you pee etc. If you do it frequently try and stop. If you don’t focus on it so much it will reduce your anxiety. You doc has said he is not worried and your blood tests are fine
Like Quangot said talk to your gp about your anxiety and get help with that if you haven’t already

I can't even objectively give symptoms. There is something not 'right' (or there wouldn't be blood in the pee and bleeding under the skin!) but it's like the more the doctor tells me he is unconcerned the more frantic (that's the word!) I get.

Ffs! I'm now angsting over the full ache low down my stomache... my period is due any time now is the rational response but I'm freaking out inside and practically on the verge of chopping off y fingers to stop googling THAT particular set of symptoms ('achy lower abdomen, Petechiae rash & blood in urine' would bring up some terrifying results).

Omg! That rash is STUDIED at least hourly. I did stop short of photographing it to compare .

Do you know what stopped my health anxiety? Getting a serious chronic illness. When a tiger is in the room about to eat you, you don’t worry about it, you just deal with it, as you would if you are unlucky enough to develop something.
In the meantime, this level of anxiety is as debilitating as any illness itself would be. Step away from the internet, even this thread (you won’t get the answers you need) and read a favourite book, have a bath, spend time with your family. Your bloods are fine, if you were ill, they wouldn’t be.

Anxiety UK have some useful information and fact sheets about the condition health anxiety.

You've obviously mentioned various physical symptoms to your GP, but there are recognised symptoms for health anxiety too.

www.anxietyuk.org.uk/anxiety-type/health-anxiety/

DIY self diagnosis

If you can answer YES to most of the questions it is likely that you are affected by health anxiety.

During the last 6 months:

	Have you experienced a preoccupation with having a serious illness due to bodily symptoms that has been ongoing for at least six months?

	Have you felt distressed due to this preoccupation?

	Have you found that this preoccupation impacts negatively on all areas of life including, family life, social life and work?

	Have you felt that you have needed to carry out constant self-examination and self-diagnosis?

	Have you experienced disbelief over a diagnosis from a doctor or felt that you are unconvinced by your doctor’s reassurances that you are fine?

	Do you constantly need reassurance from doctors, family and friends that you are fine, even if you don’t really believe what you are being told?

Anxiety UK strongly advises that people seek further information and guidance from their GP who will be able to make a formal diagnosis.

Thank you Quangot.

There are symptoms that are objective (test results and the freakin' weird rash) which is fine. Well not 'fine' but it's there. It's the positively deranged response which can't be right. I can see that... my blood tests came back fine. I don't feel any different than I have for a long time. Doc is unconcerned. My response is to be absolute confident that he missed something in the types of tests he chose - after all not all the boxes were ticked on the requisition (I probably wouldn't have any blood left but that's the least of my worries). Or a thought just came... Ive had a really slow decline so that I haven't noticed it.

That's screwed up right? I'm reasonably intelligent. If someone was describing this to me I would say EXACTLY what was said by others here. I can say it but I don't feel it in myself.

I'm okay with 'normal' illnesses like colds or d &v type things - kids are basically Petri dishes and we've had the normal run of colds and illnesses which don't bother me at all.

The person who explained that actually getting ill stopped his/her anxiety did make me think. Thank you.