Any other Dads out there?

[bobbyperc]

My DW and I have a 6 day old DD. She is absolutely beautiful, however, my wife has a case of the baby blues and I'm looking for advice from other dads (mums- feel free to offer advice too!) on how best to cope. I am givng her as much support as I can both practical and emotional but I can't see any improvement, if anything i'm worried she is getting slightly more depressed. It all started from a lack of confidence in her breastfeeeding over the first couple of days. We have both spoken with our midwife and attended the local breastfeeding group together, both of which were extrememly helpful. She is now feeding well and regularly (according to our midwife) but she still feels as though it is not working. She is now becoming upset by other matters to do with our baby and her role as a mother generally. Is there anything more I can do? What advice do others have? etc etc. I really want her to believe in herself as she is a wonderful mother to our daughter.

only 6 days...too early really to tell if this is PND, as her body is still going through massive hormonal changes,,

how was the birth? traumatic or positive?

why does she feel breast feeding not working?

is she having a babymoon? all she really should b e doing right now, is being in bed, with the baby, lots of skin to skin contact and breast feeding..and getting herself rested and recovered from the birth, and getting to know little one

congratulations..

Sounds like your doing everything right! Keep an eye on your wife and if she keeps on feeling low mention it to the HV as she could have PND. Hopefully though it's just the blues and they do pass, confidence comes in time and your probably still a bit shell shocked to be honest! Keep reassuring your wife and keep going to the breast feeding groups they were brilliant!

Thanks, The birth was positive (homebith using hypnobirth and waterbirth) she just feels that she is just feeding non-stop. She is finding it physically and emotionally draining, i try to take as much pressure off her as i can so she can get some rest, but if she hears the baby making any noise (even jusy a happy sounding yawn) she has to run and pick her up as soon as she can. As a result she can't switch herself off to get any rest. We have been trying to get skin to skin going but it doesn't make her feel any happier.

The first few weeks are soooooo difficult.
Is your DW sleeping when your DD does?

Tell her it's normal to feed non-stop in the early weeks but it does get less frequent as the baby gets older. if the baby is happy, she's doing it right.

a new born baby has a tiny tiny tummy, and constant feeding is pretty much the norm, whether breast or bottle..things will settle...the first 6 weeks are hard going, but it does pass

good that the birth was positive, and she is breast feeding, an excellent start, just needs the confidence to carry on

if people offer help,m ake sure the shopping is done, meals are cooked and hoovering is done..so she can relax and enjoy the baby...

and you too !

this might sound obvious, but give her lots and lots of cuddles and reasurance, you sound like your both doing great though

oh and congratulations!

Oh god if only mothers were told that most of the early weeks is just feeding, feeding, feeding, and this is normal and not because you are doing anything wrong or because your baby is particularly incompetent at eating or anything.

It all sounds absolutely normal and straightforward, it's just that no fucker ever tells you that that's what early motherhood is.

Congratulations on your DD, you sound like a lovely supportive DH and it all sounds like it's going swimmingly well - it just feels like it's not!

I would love to get my DH on here but he isn't very good at this sort of thing iyswim.

My DD was born at the end of May last year. I found the first eight weeks of motherhood the hardest thing I have ever done. It was the biggest shock of my life. The sleep deprivation and night feeds turned by bed from a cosy snuggling place to a torture pit! Instead of being in control and ordered everthing was chaotic. I had to learn how to do new jobs (breastfeeding, nappy changing, poppering up sleepsuits, burping a baby, breastpumping, sterilizing, settling a baby to sleep etc.) The house was messy from all the cards, presents, bounty pack, baby equipment, instructions for equipment. And to top it off everyone descended upon us staying too long. (Does this sound familiar?)

I got bad blues and they lasted around 8 weeks and then came back every now and again until Christmas.

The most wonderful things my DH did were:-

1. Go and do a big food shop and cook yummy nourishing meals e.g. roast beef.
2. Take care of DD for periods of time to allow me to have a bath, go for a massage etc.
3. Go out for walks with DD and I so I could get out of the house and get some light exercise (endorphins!)
4. Bring me anything I wanted when I was breastfeeding.
5. Work out how to use equipment and then show me.
6. Do a share of nappy changing.
7. Take DD off me after feeding and burp her.
8. Do most of the settling for naps.
9. Do what she wants e.g. if she says she is not up to visitors dont try to force her into having hordes of your relatives over!

I would also advise her to talk to her Health Visitor and try to get involved with other new Mums. Everyone knows the first few weeks are awful. But it does get better, honest. xxx

Great advice, WinkyGirl.

This is very, very, early days. It was weeks before I felt I could come up for air after having my babies. Just keep doing all you can for your DW - you sound lovely - and I wish all three of you well. Please keep us informed of how you are getting on.