Depression and money worries

[Tobl20]

Hi, I have 2 children. I have joint residence with my ex. He claims child benefit and tax credits for both children. I have attempted to claim but only one parent can claim so I can’t. I’m on esa of £250 every 2 weeks. I have a mortgage of £480 per month. I cannot afford to care for my kids but don’t want to give up my 50/50 contact. I couldn’t carry on living if I didn’t have them. Please help, I don’t think I can cope much longer.

So who are they actually living with? Or ace they spending 50% of their time with each parent? Is it not possible for you to get a job, maybe part time, to increase your income. I don't see how you can manage on £250 every 2 weeks. No Housing Benefit? I would suggest you make an appt to see the CAB and get proper advice from them

I can’t manage. I don’t eat most days and don’t use electricity or gas when the children are not here. We have a court order that states 50% contact with each parent. Although my ex partner works and so I have the children slightly more than 50% when he is working and his mum is working. I have tried looking for work but the contact arrangements are very complicated and he doesn’t stick to the court order. Also I have depression and anxiety due to the abuse I suffered when we were together. I only came out of hospital in January after being detained under section for the best part of 2 years. There is no way I can afford childcare either. I don’t pay rent so I don’t get housing benefit. It is a mortgage on the house my ex and I bought together but it is for sale. Atm I am living there as he has moved away. I was living with my parents until recently. I have sought advice from cab but am not entitled to any other help and the advice they gave me was to reduce my contact with the children so I will be able to find work.

Sorry I should clarify before someone suggests it, I could go to court again but obviously cannot afford this atm.

It would make sense for you each to claim for one child. Would he be amenable to that? Is there someone that could work as an intermediary if he will cause problems by you asking?

You can claim for assistance with mortgage interest if you've been in receipt of means tested benefits for 39 weeks. It's a loan and it is not good value, but if it means you keeping a roof over your head until you can sell it might be an option for you.

Yes I have heard of the loan. I was advised I could get around 50 pound a month which would be better than nothing, but am unsure if I would need my ex partners permission for this as it is a joint mortgage.
I suggested we each claim for one child but he disagreed with this and has been awarded everything as he asked for his address to be put on all the school records for the kids and changed their address for the doctors surgery and dentist to prove he had the children living with him. I didn’t have any evidence as I was living at my parents and so had no letters with my address on them. Apparently it is a common problem and people are fighting for a change in the law as it is discriminating against fathers. (As it’s usually the mothers that claim. Although in my case it’s the other way around).

Also he doesn’t contribute to the children at all. I paid for all school uniform etc and I pay for school dinners for my daughter and her swimming lessons. (If I was claiming tax credits for her she would receive free school meals). I’m considering working nights as I’m allowed to work 16 hours without it affecting my disability but I’m not sure as what.

Hi Op,

Do you receive PIP? It might be worth applying for that if not.

I'm sorry I don't have any other advice but just wanted to say that it sounds like a horribly difficult situation and I really hope you can get more legal support at some point.

** Just in case you don't receive PIP- I really think you would qualify as you obviously having Daily living needs.

Hi Lisa bel,
Thank you, it is really stressful. I’ve been suicidal a few times since leaving hospital. I’m not sure if it’s the depression that’s getting worse or it’s just the difficulties I’m facing. I was claiming pip until recently. I received the highest daily living allowance. I think it was about 330 pounds per month. In April I had an assessment and it was decided I no longer qualified as I seemed only slightly anxious in my interview and I smiled at the interviewer so I could not have been depressed!! I did tell her that I had recently hanged my self (was found in time) but this obviously was not enough evidence. And my cpn and a psychiatrist sent a lot of evidence. I know I could have appealed but at the time but I was so distressed with the court proceedings with regards to custody etc that I couldn’t deal with much more and I decided to leave it. With regards to support atm I am terrified of being admitted to hospital again and so I cannot really talk to anyone about what is going on. I think about killing myself most days. I just worry about my kids so much, they are my life and I can’t bear the thought of them struggling like I am but I can’t carry on as I am.

I am also trying to find out about food banks and how I would be able to get food for the kids if I was desperate. Would I have to inform anyone such as my gp or care coordinator. I would really rather do it anonymously if possible as I am scared of anyone knowing.

You can ask to do a late mandatory reconsideration on your PIP claim explaining your ill health meant you couldn’t do it earlier. Get some benefits advice from a specialist to help you through. DWP may decline to consider your MR but you can still appeal. Not a quick process but worth doing. Google benefits advice in your local area. CAB advisers are not always benefits specialists.

You also need advice about getting the benefits for the children signed over to you if you have them more than 50% of the time.

Also google mental health advocacy as they can suppprt you while you navigate m your way through all of this.

Good luck.

How long can you do a mandatory reconsideration after the decision? It’s been about 4-5 months now so quite a while. Will I have to do another interview? If I’m looking for work will that be contradicting the fact that I qualify for pip? Surely if I can work then I can’t qualify?? (although wether I will cope in work I don’t know). Everything is so hard and complicated. I don’t understand how anyone with a mental illness could ever apply for anything. In fact if a person can manage to apply for all this easily then surely they are not entitled to it!!!

It is complicated which is why you need to find some support to help you through it. You can still do an MR as I said DWP may not accept it but you should then be able to appeal as long as it’s alll done within 13 months. You shouldn’t have to attend another assessment but you may have to go to a tribunal. You may be able to arrange for someone to come with you such as the bar pro bono service. Other organisations also do representation but it depends where you live as to what’s available.
Alternatively you can reapply and start again but either way I think you should get some specialist benefits advice and try to find a mental health advocate who can help you through all of this and get you the help you need. Try calling your local MIND first of all to see if they can signpost you, or use google if you can.
You can be entitled to PIP and be working as long as you meet the PIP criteria.

Thank you. I’ll see about trying with the pip again. I should’ve appealed at the time but I just gave up as I couldn’t cope with all the hassle.

I’ve been in contact with the child benefit and tax credit office and am trying to claim tax credit for one of the children. I don’t know if I’ll be able to as I have to prove that I have primary care for her and I’m not sure how to prove it. I have also spoken to my solicitor in regards to my ex breaching the court order. I feel a complete failure. I cannot even feed my children. My parents have had to buy me £100 worth of food as I had absolutely nothing in the house today. Not even bread for them.