Bipolar disorder and false accusations

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I hope I am posting the right place, if not please ask it to be moved.

I am trying to understand a little more about bipolar disorder as until recently it is not something that I have ever had to consider, not having contact with someone who suffers with the condition.

Without dripfeeding but also trying to keep quite a long story as brief as possible, I am at the beginning stages of a relationship with someone, his ex wife has bipolar disorder, as well as a concerning addiction to otc medication. She is seeking help for the addiction currently.

He said that he had something to tell me and that it isn't something he wanted to discuss with me, but felt he had to so that it is out in the open now in the early stages of our relationship. One night his ex had taken her usual meds and an excessive amount of otc meds and which had caused her to pass out. They had some friends over, they had their meal and a few drinks whilst she was asleep upstairs. In the morning whilst just waking up both still in bed, he overhears his ex talking to a friend (who is recently diagnosed with bipolar, they met in the clinic where she was admitted a year or so prior) and she said to the friend that he had had sex with her during the night whilst she was asleep. Of course with him hearing this he asks her to cut the call and ask what on earth she is talking about. She then says he raped her during the night whilst she was asleep. He asks her how she thought this and she replied that it must have happened whilst she was asleep as she knows when someone has had sex with her. He asked if her underwear and clothes were still as they were ie in place and in tact (she had gone to bed dressed as the night before was unable to change due to the meds) and she was still fully clothed but insisted that it happened.

He denied this happened and she never brought it up again, if he asked her about it, she brushed it off. A few months ago he received a message from one of her family members who is threatening to lay charges of rape against him for this. He forwarded the message to ex to ask how the family member knows of this, to which she denied all knowledge of it. (the rape accusation and the fact she has spoken of it to anyone)

So, I really am not sure who to talk to about it. I am out of an emotional abusive marriage and I know i do overthink everything. We have known each other a long time, although I never met his ex wife. (lived in different countries for a while etc).

We have had a long discussion about the side affects of the medication she takes and she has accused him of things in the past, but this is really a huge thing. It isn't that I do not believe him, I do... he is a very gentle person and I just couldn't ever see him doing something like this. He could have not told me about it and just carried on, but he chose to so that I know the full situation.

Obviously something like this put doubts into your mind, as I said, I am an overthinker, probably due to my past experiences, but I will admit this has thrown me a little. He was worried to tell me of course, as an accusation like that is not something willy nilly.

Has anyone been in a situation like this. She now claims to not have any knowledge of making the accusation, it would seem the friend she spoke to has repeated it and words has got to family who have now contacted him as I mentioned.

Just wanted to chat with someone really about it, could it be a reaction to medication, a plea for some attention, as deep down I don't believe it did happen but obviously I am still quite shocked about it myself.

Goodness. I dont really have any advice but if her clothes were all intact could it have been a dream caused by overdosing on meds and alcohol? I've had some weird dreams but none like this. But like where I had a baby and woke up believing that the child was real and mine?
I hope someone comes along with better advice, but you may consider reposting in aibu or chat.
I have bipolar by the way, and this is not a symptom of bipolar alone.

Thank you Onetime. I do appreciate you replying, I do understand that it is of a sensitive nature, hence for posting here rather.

She has had a lot of problems and the addiction was very bad during this time (in excess of 40 codeines per day) so I am of the thinking that it relates to this and not necessarily the bipolar, but from what I have read up, it seemed that hallucinations are not uncommon.

She has said things in the past that make no sense whatsoever and was convinced of something being real which wasn't, minor things but nothing to this scale in their years of marriage. She would call her ex to come home as she had set the kitchen on fire, when he left work and rushed home there was no fire etc. That is just one example.

Again this could be the meds rather than the condition. And why I do doubt the accusation is true, is that before they separated, he refused to leave until she had started with help for addiction. He could very easily just have walked away but he didn't. (She told him to leave during a depressive stage)

Think I needed to get this off my chest also, thank you Onetime.

No problem. That is a very high level of addiction. It will certainly affect her bipolar medication.
I think you need to make notes of all the confused things she has said, almost as evidence really. And if it has happened other times she needs to serk help from a doctor.

I am currently going through this situation at the moment, I suffer with Schizoaffective disorder and met up with a girl who had bipolar disorder, she also was on and off her meds and had me arrested for rape, she had told the police that I and two others had done it to her, which was a total fabrication i nearly collapsed when confronted with this allegation, The other people she had seen on my Facebook profile who where old friends from in my teens that I haven’t spoken to in years. Out of the blue she dropped all her allegations and refused to get an examination by the police doctor. It was horrific and soul destroying to be put in that position. All though all criminal charges where dropped and no further action to be taken, she still is telling everyone she knows about her ordeal “which never occurred”. I hasten to add, I have had threats of violence and my mental illness has turned me into a recluse to paranoid to go out, I barely talk to any one and have become suicidal there is no defence against this type of thing happening to anyone. Even though she withdrew her complaint she is still going about her life like butter wouldn’t melt and tells everyone who will listen about her supposed abuse. Part of my illness includes delusions especially when I get a bit manic sometimes it takes a day or two for my head to realise that what I believed wasn’t true. Just hope for you sake that she gets help, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone tbh

Hey I wanted to say first I am very sorry.
this can be a sign of bipolor as sexual delusions do sometimes happen. Your boyfriend has been transparent for a few reasons one it’s not only about what she said but that it won’t be the last time she may say somthing crazy the next time she has an episode. Also to share with you how he was living. I know somebody is a very similar situation she first accused a family member of touching the four year old daughter. Than called the police saying he was going to kill his girlfriend. Than accused many other people in her life of similar things. After she was hospitalized for bipolor for 6 months and still held on to the fact that the family member did that act. The family now is in this place where they think it didn’t happen but now this tension and uncertainty has fallen across the family. The advice I would give you is there was no cameras you don’t know but you do know that 1 there is a significant chance it didint happen since she was under the influence and has a record of mental illness and she got embarrassed and took back the claim (textbook bipolar) 2 he is a very kind hearted man. Trust your instincts but personally I don’t believe he did it from the context but I can be wrong.

Myself have a false accusation, i met a woman One night stand and this woman came to my place (no drunk no wasted) we have just couple of drinks.
after we came home we had for first time sex and due was late in the night i said if she want she can stay over, she accepted etc. during the night we had a second round and in the morning after we finish to have sex, she was with a weird attitude she left the place saying that she wanted to sleep, 4 days later she asked if we used condom etc (for me was weird cuz we used all the time etc) and is where she said that I had sex with her while she sleep, was a shocking thing cuz didnt expect she say such thing.

A month later i was called by the police and was notified about the accusation against me, so 2 months later i went to say my version, the same day i sent evidences (real evidences), the "investigation" took 6 months and the case was sent to prosecutor, and then to court, i was behind the police "investigator" to give me the document about the case to know the details, only after 1.5 yrs with the help f my new layer i got the document from "the police investigator" and found that the woman that make the accusation is a person with bipolar disorder, that was under therapy for 3 yrs (exactly 2 days after this situation happened she had the last meeting with her therapist, therpist that had to be extended due "this situation") ofc thats mean tha the state ill still pay and helping her with the new unexpected therapist, also that she use a medicine only for sleep that cointidentially that night she didnt take and, also found that the police "investigator" never added my evidences in the investigation (i made a complaint an they accepted the "error". let me put u in context, I am foreigner in this european nordic country and i am Black.

I'm so sorry. I have never resonated more in my life. My daughter has bipolar with manic episodes diagnosed at around 13/14. She has been sectioned countless times. When she was around 8/9 before her diagnosis her behaviours were always challenging, she's very intelligent, likes being centre of attention and used to fib a lot. Shes also the most caring, thoughtful girl. I'll be honest as a single parent i shouted at times when I was at my wits end, she'd make bizarre comments like what would happen if I my throat and throw myself out the window. then one day she made potentially life destroying allegations against me and suffice to say it led to me becoming suicidal. There was Police involement, social services you name it. To add further complexity, her father has bipolar who she now lives with, and he was sectioned whilst she was in his care as I refused to have her home after that ordeal. Her dad has spoken about me very negatively to her from a young age. Not something you can easily prove at all. He has dragged me through the court system numerous times. Since then, she has never repeated the false allegations, nowadays she just says she has PTSD from when she was living at home, which kills another piece of me off each time. When shes unwell she'll say, dont worry mum, i told the doctors you were a fantastic mum. She doesnt seem to go on the attack like she used to. She seems to be managing it fairly ok now with medication and has avoided this year which is great. When shes well, we have the most fantastic realtionship. She relies on me for stability and grounding as she says her dad is cold and unemotional. Yet when poorly, im public enemy no 1. I feel awful for what she goes through, but Ive also been traumatised for life, left on edge and very guarded. Every time shes ill i end up on a high dose of anxiety medication and they increase my anti depressants, as I become suicidal. I probably have untreated PTSD. She has since accused multiple others, kids her own age of rape and sexual assault, she has believed she was pregnant, and is overtly sexualised in her behaviours on social media. I have driven the streets looking for her at 3am, rescued her from a house where they were doing drugs, and one time she was found on the other side of a bridge barrier overlooking the motorway. She also self harms. I have begged and pleaded for services to work with me and keep me informed but my daughter has removed me from her medical records, so when she is sectioned I have to learn about it from my friend who sees her social media posts from inside the unit. I worry she'll destroy not only her own life but someone else's, through no fault of her own of course. As a parent, I feel so alone in this journey. It's an impossible situation trying to protect your child aswell as yourself. You end up over time, questioning your own reality, until youre bordering on madness, dissecting your life wondering where the hell they get this narrative from. You fear a wrap on the door at any given moment, every time they have a doctor's appt, what is she going to say, you feel like Noone would understand much less believe you because of a 'there's no smoke without fire' mentality.' Unless youve been through similar its impossible to understand i think and i don't think parents talk about it openly enough through fear of being judged. You know absolutely no peace. No peace whatsoever. Then when they are well, as my daughter is atm, you have to act of course like you're not slowly dying inside, every minute of every day. Im waiting for CBT to hopefully try to start to live again. Not just exist.

Sincerely yours, a friend who gets it.