Mum just revealed she hears voices

[Moonshine1001]

Hi
New to this site as a poster, so please be kind.
My mum has always been different. A bit withdrawn, can’t concentrate well, has never had a job, doesn’t watch all of films, can say paranoid things etc. Today she revealed to me
that for 20 plus year she’s been hearing ‘aggressive’ voices in her head. I tried to talk to her calmly about this, as she hinted a long time ago that this was the case. We discussed treatment- she’s tried going to the docs, having therapy, medicines - but she just can’t get on with any of it. She said she manages ok day to day but feels like she cannot cope with any of the bigger things - my sis is going off the rails a little at the mo. She said she can never be happy because of the voices. I’m home now after visiting her for a few days and I can’t stop crying. I feel as if my mum has died or changed if that makes sense? I feel powerless and so so so unbelievably sad.
Is anyone else in the same situation?

I'm sorry I don't have any experience of this.
Could you make an appointment with your GP and talk it through with them? I think you have to get some kind of professional help as this is going to get worse and not better on its own.

When you say she just can’t get on with any of it (doctors, therapy, medication), what do you mean? Have you offered to go with her to an appointment?

Im sorry you are going through this. I can't relate to the feels of loss or change you describe but my grandma had schizophrenia and heard voices. This was something I grew up with so never knew her not to be this way. She was medicated and received input from mental health services.
Is your Mom elderly? Does she have a partner around?
Voices can take different forms, if they are aggressive ones it can be particularly distressing.
My concern is that she may be vulnerable.

Organisations such as Mind may have a helpline you could call for advice as a relative of someone with mental illness.
Here if you ever want to talk further although online online sporadically.

Hi,

I'm not in the same situation, but have this to add - has you mum looked into the Hearing Voices Network? Hearing voices is not something I have experienced but I have heard good things about the Hearing Voices Network, particularly if your mum has not found doctors, therapy and medication helpful.

As for your own struggle and feeling as if your mum has died, hearing voices is not that uncommon a symptom, and if your mum has had some other struggles then they are likely all related in some way. Are you able to support your mum by, for example, supporting your sister?

Sending

Hi all.
Thanks so mich for your replies.
Therapy/medication- she says she’s tried it and it doesn’t help. The mess make her sick (apparently she’s tried lots.) she’s got a very sensitive stomach and won’t take paracetamol even.
I’ve offered to go to the doctors with her but she won’t even entertain the idea.
She’s 60, and lives with my dad. She’s not told him and he wouldn’t understand. We’re an Indian family so she’s worried about the stigma, understandably.
The thing is is that she functions pretty well. She gets on with the day to day chores, makes food etc and that’s about it. She never did much more and so it doesn’t feel too strange that she only does that. Her mum does at the beginning of last year so she’s become isolated even more than she was.
I will look at that Hearing Voices Network and perhaps ring the Mind helpline. I just feel very lost x

Most people I know who hear voices function pretty well most of the time.

Does your mum want anything to change? Did something trigger her telling you, for example?

Oh I see. So isn’t it schizophrenia or not necessarily?
Well my sis is really going off the rails at the mo. Very low, has quit her job. All in the last few months. It happened a few years ago too. So my mum told me about her issues in the context of that- that she has her own ‘mental illness’ to cope with and that she couldn’t directly help my sister, but would be there for her if it all fell apart.

Just to say I appreciate you all taking the time to respond to me xxx

I'm not in the same situation. But I'll help if I can.

My mother had / has schizo affective disorder and has had from since I was 3 Ish. So maybe 35 years. So the hearing voices I am familiar with.

I am not a psychiatrist, but as far as I know, hearing voices of itself is not enough to diagnose a mental illness. I think hearing voices can get worse with stress though(?) so what you describe makes sense in that regard. I also know people with a diagnosis or a past diagnosis of schizophrenia or similar who function quite well, so even if she does end up with a diagnosis of a mental illness this doesn't indicate that she will cope any better or worse, if that makes sense? She might already have a diagnosis if she has seen doctors, you could ask her.

It sounds to me from what you are saying as if she is trying to communicate to you that she cannot support your sister as much as she believes she should, or would like to, and is asking you to help.

Do you think that your dad would react badly if he had more information about what she is struggling with? It's quite a thing to keep secret from your family.

I have schizo affective disorder & don't hear voices but have had disturbing thoughts for years that were worse at times of anxiety.
The thoughts were not my own ie I didn't think them but they just came into my brain which was very upsetting, this stopped along with other symptoms when my psychiatrist increased the anti psychotics (Aripiprazole) that I take.
I only told someone (my psychiatrist) about the thoughts recently as I thought I may get locked up. He was very good actually.

I think it probably took a lot for your Mum to tell you & it's very brave of her.
Be guided by her as to what she wants to do about it, remember it's quite normal to her although shocking to you.

But do tell her that engaging with the gp & mental health services will help her as will medication, also I did a Recovery Education course in unusual experiences where I met other people of all ages who had voices & strange delusions & thoughts.
Most of them did not take meds but because I do I was by far doing the best in my life ie I have a job & the others didn't. Also they were often in trouble with the police & self medicating with alcohol.

As for stigma I rarely tell others although I've had to tell my employers as the disorder includes bipolar which means I get depressed a lot & can't function then.

My family know but my mum was shocked as she's always been prejudiced against people with schizophrenia.

Your dad might be ok with your mum's problems though - my mum is trying her best despite her prejudices.

Don't feel too bad about your mum - she's still the same person, just with an extra problem.

I don’t think she will go to the gp any longer or will consider medication.
I asked if she would tell my dad and she said no. They have never got on well (partly due to this I think) but perhaps, over time, I’ll try to.

tierraJ Thanks for saying that last sentence about my mum. I think it’s just such a shock and so saddening that it’s hard not to view her completely differently. I’ll try to keep your words at the forefront. It’s just so upsetting that she has to live like this and has accepted it as her lot 😖

I feel for you. My mum got very ill in her 60s but had been hearing voices since her 30s. I think the medication is better nowadays.

If she can cope and can tell herself that the voices are not real, only exist in her head, I would not pressure your mum to do anything. She'd only be given medication anyway and it sounds as though she is sensitive to some meds.

There's no point in making the situation worse.

She needs reassurance and to be able to reassure herself. I hope she manages a good night's sleep, that is always helpful.

Just keep an eye on her with no pressure.

Thank you. Jayfee can you give me a little more info if you don’t mind? I think my mum has been hearing them for at least 20 years, and is now 60 herself x

Rebecca36- thanks for your insight. It’s just hard to believe (to me) that she can live like this 😖 She does manage ok and does sleep/rest a lot

I should add there is an element of her giving up - ‘at least I made it to sozty’ - that was hard to hear.

And also that she might say something silly to people eg if my sis does get married she said she won’t be able to do an engagement party/ wedding because of what she might say. I guess those are normal fears but she did all that for me 7 years ago and my bro 5 years ago.

That should say sixty 🙄

My mum is in her 60s & has physical rather than mental health issues but it's difficult to get her to see a gp or take meds too.

So frustrating!

Tell your mum that 60 is still young & she deserves to live a good quality of life, that's what I tell my mum, also I get round her by saying that I will worry about her all the time if she doesn't look after herself.

Thanks tierraJ I hope your mum finds some relief too xx