type of therapy for a couple with insecure attachment style

[lovenhate]

Hi,

Can anyone suggest type of therapy which will help a couple with insecure attachment style - avoidant attached husband and anxious attached wife? We deeply love each other but have a lot of resentment towards each other.

We both have childhood trauma, negative patterns, poor coping skills at the time of stress. We have emotionally dependant mothers, who were not there for us emotionally, and manipulative but 'caring' siblings. Dh's family try to influence our marriage in subtle ways.

I have researched following therapies -

• emotionally focussed couple therapy (our emotionally intimacy is now broken, dh had said v harsh things in past, I am v resentful but I know he loves me, but can't get over things he said)

• couple therapist with some knowledge of schema (schema because we also have sabotaging patterns learnt through childhood and families)

• relate (no idea why)

I am very confused and will really appreciate your suggestions.

Im a couples therapist, I'd go with someone trained in eft ideally. good luck with it.

Thank you so much HaeeietBasset I am sorry I couldn't respond before.

Do you think it can help a marriage which has lack of respect from husband? dh has a habit of reacting dismissively which escalates in rage like anger. Trigger is usually a mild complaint from me which in my opinion is a way to bring his attention to my concerns.

He has a lot of stress and needs a lot of support from me. I try to give but I feel I am almost treated like a therapist while no real concerns for my stresses. He makes some gesture but in times of anger dismiss my stress as less pressing than his. He judges me for lack of motivation because I am depressed caused by long standing issues - our very distressing fights and also from having no support and career gap. He says I do nothing.

He has a perfectionist dm and have v dismissive attitude towards mh.

I just read transactional analysis helping with changing destructive patterns coming from childhood. He is v easily influenced by his dm who is v judgemental and dismissive (also suffered a lot in her marriage) - not openly to him.

www.counselling-directory.org.uk/transactional-analysis.html

Really really appreciate your help.

Yes I do think it can help providing he's willing to take a look at himself and his responses. Is he willing to go to therapy with you and engage in it?
It's about the two of you being able to look at your patterns of relating and what you co-create together and ideally how to improve things and help you be compassionate to each other and kinder. Its easy to forget that we are on the same team sometimes!

Thank you HarrietBasset. Really appreciate your response. Are you in London?

Afraid not, Oxfordshire. Best of luck

ok, thanks :)