NC as paranoid 
Sorry it's long and moany 
Tonight I've been overcome with sadness and feeling overwhelmed with everything that's going on at the moment.
I'm a single SAHM mum to three great kids and have no issues with all that entails normally and prefer being on my own. My taste in men is appalling as always fall for controlling men who are abusive in many, yet subtle ways so they fly under the radar. Therefore I can't trust myself and am staying single.
My eldest starts secondary school next week and that's taking some getting my head around along with all the things I've had to buy and organise for her. It's cost a fortune and her dad hasn't helped out at all which disappoints me makes me want to punch him. I'm NC with him as he's an abusive bastard who's made my life hell with several court applications, reports to social services and accusations of abusing the kids.
My youngest starts school soon and I'm struggling to get to grips with that emotionally as well as my eldest starting secondary.
My eldest has been referred for ASD/ADHD assessment and I'm damn sure I'm also on the spectrum with ADD thrown in too but it's been missed all these years. It would certainly explain a great deal. GP recommended not being assessed myself though as no help available and would be a medical diagnosis I'd have to declare so could have implications for my career.I've coped with it all my life so no point was her stance. I'm not bothered about me really as am ok but just find things hard at times. Mainly people. People confuse the hell out of me.
I'm NC with my family except my mum due to a very toxic childhood and early adulthood and I'm happier without them in my life.
My mum is elderly and recently had an accident resulting in a severe fracture so I'm caring for her daily. She's had several fractures in recent years and the bulk of her care has fallen to me even though other family members live close by and could help but seem too busy to do so very often. Carers are going in to help but she still needs me there a lot of the time. I'd do anything to help my mum but do find it very tiring looking after her and 3 kids too.
My ex husband is refusing to cooperate with divorce proceedings and we will have to go to court over it again. We will be back in court over the children too as many issues there. This has been going on for several years now and every time I think the end is in sight, he throws a spanner in the works and things are delayed by another 6 months or a year. It feels neverending.
I've recently been ill and have spent the holidays feeling exhausted and in a great deal of pain. I'm much better now but still far from 100%.
I just feel so sad and alone about everything tonight and have no friends IRL to talk to. I find real life human interaction difficult beyond superficial conversations. but guess that's the ASD/ADD at play. I just want to run away at times or at least scream into the ether atop a mountain.
I actually feel better just for typing this all out as has been spinning around my head for days. I know things will improve again and once the new schools are settled into then things will run smoothly and I'll just have my mum to look after during the day and that won't be for more than a couple of months hopefully. She should make a full recovery although might need more help in general from now on. It just all got a bit much tonight and as I can't drive it makes everything so much harder.
I know that there's nothing anyone can do to help but if you're still awake and you've been in a similar situation I'd love to hear your coping strategies (can't drink due to medical reasons 
so wine is out).