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Mental health

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Original poster

Gp appt. Is this right?

45 replies

Bookvan · 24/08/2018 18:32

I plucked up the courage to see a gp today.
Marriage break up and I'm really not coping. I can't sleep, can't eat, trying to hold it together at work and around the kids but not doing very well. I've eaten 2 pieces of toast this week and I'm getting around 3-4 hours of sleep. I'm dizzy, headaches, backache. I'm constantly on the verge of tears and as soon as the kids are asleep I spend the evening sobbing.

The gp literally just said 'Yeah it's shit isn't it?'. Can't sign me off work as I'm self employed, said anti depressants wouldn't make it any better, and I couldn't have sleeping tablets because I'm alone with the children. Suggested private counselling and sent me on my way.

I wasn't expecting miracles, but it took me ages to admit i need help and pluck up the courage to look for help. I left wishing I hadn't bothered.

OP posts:

dmvnqpkejnvejrfnpwdkfjvn · 27/08/2018 08:24

I'd go and see a different gp. I'd also give a few of the examples you've given here. You need some support, be it medication or talking therapy. Your DH needs to man up. Can you go to a friends for a few days and get him to have time off with the kids?

onetimeposter · 27/08/2018 08:31

I also think ADs are pointless here, it is 100% the situation which is causing your problems.
He needs to leave and then you can move on.
Sleeping tablets will make you very groggy near the children.
This is the time for self care, force yourself to eat and go to bed at the same time even if you just lay there and rest.
School will be here soon and you will have a routine.

Original poster

Bookvan · 27/08/2018 09:03

I'm reluctant to go away for a few days, I think I'd spend the whole time crying and end up feeling worse.
I'm trying, I contacted a couple private counsellors but haven't heard back. I ate with the kids yesterday, and I've had some sleep, but I still cry whenever I'm alone.

Erinaceus yes the message was more for his peace of mind than for any real concern. He wants to stop feeling bad and he can't while I'm such a mess.

OP posts:

erinaceus · 28/08/2018 05:33

How you doing today Bookvan?

Original poster

Bookvan · 28/08/2018 07:33

I'm ok. I let my oldest kids have friends sleep over last night, they've had a pretty rubbish couple of weeks so it's a nice treat for them.
Dh didn't come back from work. Just went to his gf. It's just cruel. This situation where I'm here looking after the kids and he does whatever the hell he likes is just not fair. I'm meant to be in work today. I'm not going but he doesn't know that.

OP posts:

erinaceus · 28/08/2018 07:36

It is cruel.

Have you spoken to a solicitor yet? Do you know if he has?

Original poster

Bookvan · 28/08/2018 07:47

Yes we both have.
The divorce was underway before I rethought things. They need more money before they'll do any more and dh is only paying half of what he agreed so I can't afford to pay my solicitor. I was trying to avoid using my credit card but I guess I'll have to.
I'm also going to call the mortgage company this week and see about buying him out. I've been putting it off for a few months. The fixed term ends in a few months so a good time to make the change. I just hope they'll lend me enough or I'll have to sell the house and move away.

OP posts:

erinaceus · 28/08/2018 07:52

Aw fuck, he really is being an arse.

You might be able to get some more practical advice if you had this thread moved to the Divorce/Separation topic, or started a new one there? Lots of MNetters have been through something similar to what you/I are going through..

I hope you hear back from one of the councillors soon. I also used the Samaritans a fair bit because for me sometimes just talking helped. I got terribly lonely and get quite stuck in my own head. Just putting that out there.

Original poster

Bookvan · 28/08/2018 08:02

Ive posted on one of the separation threads.

I've just had an email from one of the counsellors, she's going to call later today.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bookvan · 28/08/2018 08:04

I hadn't thought of the Samaritans. I know what you mean about getting stuck in your own head. Evenings are pretty bad when I'm alone.

OP posts:

erinaceus · 28/08/2018 08:21

Yeah. I find them (the Samaritans) really, really helpful. Not everyone likes it, but I do. I describe it as, sometimes I just need to vomit words at someone.

Other suggestions for the stuck in your own head thing include writing your thoughts down, but that tends to make it worse for me. Drawing helps me. I strongly believe that it is a case of trying loads of things, figuring out what works, and then, do that.

I do understand about evenings being bad when you are alone. You could try calling them then, and see whether it helped or not. I'm glad that the counsellor contacted you. It sounds as if that could be really helpful.

Funicorn · 28/08/2018 11:59

I had exactly the same thing with a GP and was told to man up . No help at all . Several years down the line when things are worse they ask - why didn't you get some help with this at the time ? WTF....

Everyone is different in their reaction to these situations but some of the people who have posted on here either have NO IDEA what it is like or they were very lucky with their own response if in a similar situation .

Sometimes you just need a little something ( meds) to help you settle or focus. To all the people who say it won't change the situation - well doh yeah we all know that ! Bully for you if you got through it all great ! OP I would go back again and see another doc - sometimes women are more sympathetic than male doctors . Cry if you have to but I can recall just being numb when I saw him.

As the CBT people will tell you , if you have a cut leg you seek help . A hurting mind isn't any less deserving !

TheLastNigel · 28/08/2018 12:56

I had a very traumatic end to my marriage. Literally the only thing that saved me was anti depressants. They didn't change the situation but they did lift my mood just enough to help me cope or just about cope.
Go back and see a different GP.
Self care is vital now.
I'm
Sorry your H is being such an arse op...

Original poster

Bookvan · 28/08/2018 17:24

I spoke to a counsellor today, and meeting her later thus week.
Feeling a bit better today but everything exhausts me, walking up the stairs leaves me worn out.
I'm getting angry with him. He's treated me really badly and I don't deserve it. He told me I was ignorant today as I'm refusing to chat to him and anything he says gets a one word answer. Maybe a bit childish but it's better than throwing things at him which is what I really want to do.

OP posts:

erinaceus · 29/08/2018 08:04

What you are describing sounds like par for the course to me, unfortunately. I do not refusing to chat to him as childish. I see it as protecting yourself. For me it is better not to engage too much.

Well done for arranging to meet with the counsellor. I hope that she is helpful.

CrassnSass · 02/09/2018 23:02

You need to take a multi pronged approach, looking after yourself, counselling, getting some practical help with the kids and having a clean break from your husband so you can move on with your life and heal. It has taken a while for you to get to this point but you can get your way back to happiness it just takes time. I think it's really important to get him out the house because how are you supposed to heal from the separation whilst living with him You do not have to buy him out to get him out the house. If you are the primary carer of children who are under 18 you are entitled to occupancy of the house and he also has to contribute to rent/mortgage payments because he has to pay his fair share of the childs home. I know a solicitor is expensive but it is really worth it, you need to know your rights and make sure he is paying what he owes towards you and the kids. Atm he is taking advantage of you expecting to live in the house, go to his g/f when he wants and leave you with the kids. He sounds like a tosser, show no mercy, show him whose boss.

Starlight345 · 02/09/2018 23:10

Hope you are feeling a bit better op. Do try and eat even if you don’t feel like it even if it’s just a banana.

I hope counsellor has helped

Original poster

Bookvan · 03/09/2018 21:22

Thanks for all the responses.
I saw the counsellor, she was really helpful.
I'm still nowhere near being back to myself, I'm so angry with him for the way he's treated me, telling me I wasn't normal and I needed help, but I managed to swallow the anger and hurt yesterday and spoke to him calmly and asked him to leave. I said it wasn't right that he pays nothing towards the house but treats it like a B&B, turning up when he feels like it then staying with his gf whenever he wants. Plus it's not good for the dcs to see it.

He refused (as I expected, why would he go, he's go the perfect set up!) But I asked him to think about it as it's dragged on long enough. I've also emailed my solicitor to see if she can suggest a way to get him out. I can't move on while he's here. I need some space from him.

OP posts:

Starlight345 · 03/09/2018 21:44

Well done op .

Sounds like a huge step forward.

CrassnSass · 03/09/2018 23:41

Keep a record of everything that you pay towards the house and home. It will probably be useful when it comes to getting him to pay his fair share. If he is allowed to take advantage of the situation he will, he needs clear boundaries so be clear that he needs to leave the house and he needs to pay his fair share. If he doesn't don't engage in debate and back and forth, just take the necessary steps with the solicitor. He needs to know your serious. I'm glad the counsellor helped. You've taken some massive steps by going to the counsellor and telling him to leave, you should be proud.

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