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Psychosis dp going away

32 replies

Bhj · 23/08/2018 23:29

Hi. I have been living with psychosis for the last 4 years. I basically have a paranoid delusional belief that people are out to kill me. I’ve been with my dp 8 years. We have a 5 year old ds together and I have a 13 year old dd from a previous relationship. So 2 nites ago when dp got home from work he announced that a group of them from work are going to plan a 13 night trip to basecamp Mount Everest in 2020. I didn’t say too much about it as just thought it was something someone suggested and it wouldn’t come to anything. He came home last night and starts telling me exactly when it will be and they only need one more person to ok it. I looked away at the tv and he got annoyed with me because I wasn’t interested in what he was saying. I told him had he considered it would be hell on earth for me if he went. He knows I can’t stay here alone with the kids overnight as I get very anxious because of my belief. He goes on nights out till early hours of the morning and I even struggle with that but he only does it about once a month so it’s manageable and I never say anything to him about it because I want him to enjoy himself. But he went away for a week last October to a different city to do training for work. It was during the October half term so I was able to get different family members to stay each night as nobody had to get kids to school but was still anxious with him being away and became very distressed one night and called the police because I believed me and my kids would be murdered that night. He later rang me that night and had a go at me for calling the police as it would of upset the kids believing that I had control over my actions. I explained to him last night that I wouldn’t even be able to get anyone to stay for those 13 nights he wants to go away as it’s termtime and so I would have to stay alone with the kids. He got huffy so I came to bed thinking he would think about it and realise he’s being unrealistic thinking he can do this trip but no. He came home tonight talking about it again. I feel so unbelievably upset that he knows and doesn’t care that I’ll be distressed while he’s gone and god knows what my mental illness will tell me to do in that instance, I have no control over my actions when I have an episode. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? I’m quite sleep deprived at the moment so don’t know if that’s clouding my judgement. If it was something he’d always wanted to do then maybe it would be different but it’s not, someone suggested it at at work and he thought yes I’ll do it. He’s also going away two different weekends in September for friends birthdays. Fine I’ve arranged to stay with family as it’s the weekend so it’s not like he’s never allowed out. Sorry it’s so long and no paragraphs, I don’t know how to do them.

OP posts:
Bhj · 24/08/2018 16:14

And niknak. Sorry you have experienced psychosis too. The side effects to anti psychotics are awful yet we still have to try to function on them day to day. I have got some good advice from some of your posts on how to broach the subject with dp but think I’ll wait u ntil tomorrow as I’m feeling very sleep deprived today and it will be too emotional. Here’s hoping for a good nights sleep tonight. Thank you to everyone for taking the time to post.

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sourpatchkid · 24/08/2018 22:08

Talk to your team about your worries about his trip. Let them help you all plan for it.

Work using what you've learnt in CBT to challenge your beliefs about it too.

Bhj · 24/08/2018 22:27

I am going to talk to my psychologist on Tuesday when I go for my cbt. I know it’s too early to make a plan now but it will be good to talk through my thoughts and feelings about it and my concerns.

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onetimeposter · 25/08/2018 11:19

Hi bhj. I talk as someone with psychosis but i think youre being very unfair. He needs a life as well, and it sounds once in a lifetime.
Is there a possibility you could go into a supported living place? I know its terrifying but, you have 2 years to work on your fears and to organise something. Talk to your team. I do understand your fear but if you compare it to physical illness, a carer would be entitled to respite or a break. Thats why i suggested supported living.
Also the EI team here are only for 3 yrs then you move to CMHT
Are you sure you will still be under EI then as thats a consideration.

Bhj · 25/08/2018 12:31

Thanks onetimeposter. I’ve learnt through this thread that I’m being unfair. I think it’s just the way he came home and announced it rather than us talking about it, it made me feel like he hadn’t even given a thought to how it could affect us and made me question whether he even cares. If he’d come home and said I want to talk to you about an idea that’s been thrown out at work and we discussed it and he would help me come up with a plan about how we could make it work I wouldn’t have had a problem but it’s the way it felt so this is what’s happening, deal with it. That true what you say about ei, I’ve already been with them a year longer than I should of been because they really want to try and help me but by then I probably won’t be under them.

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Bhj · 25/08/2018 12:45

We’re dropping the kids to my sisters this afternoon and we’re going to have a long chat about it. To be honest I think this situation arising is a good thing because it’s made me stop and realise how much my mental health has affected our relationship and how it’s made me think selfishly in many ways as well. I think we both have things that we need to get off our chest and things we both need to work on moving forward. I think I’ve forgotten how good he is to me in many ways and how a lot of people wouldn’t have been able to deal with my illness but he’s stuck with me.

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onetimeposter · 25/08/2018 16:30

Well done bhj for taking on board what everyone has said. I agree he should have sat and spoke to you properly but he was probably just excited.
I think this will do you good. In the nicest way, recovery is about taking responsibility for our own health and mine has been a very ugly journey where literally out the other side I have two amazing friends and a slightly older mentor. Everyone else has shown their true colours. Your dp sounds patient and your relationship strong. But you must contribute and comprimise as well.
I know about the impact of being mentally ill with kids, mine were bewildered when i planned to move to russia to join the kgb and i was told by the team it was that or lose the kids. Its been a very close line, i got my driving license removed, schools involved the works.
The team will walk with you, if you show them you want to work on this aspect of recovery xx

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