OCD wobble and germs around my baby

[Iwantaunicorn]

Please can you help me? This is utterly ridiculous I’m sure, but I have ocd, (ive had cbt pre kids and it was fab) but I’m knackered, and having a wobbly moment.

Went to the supermarket today with my DTs who are 6 months old. Whilst there a couple stopped to coo at the babies, and my DD grabbed his finger and shoved it in her mouth (teething!). He looked at me, and I said absolutely nothing about it. I was stupid, I was freaking out about germs on his hand, and I didn’t stop it.

I’m now freaking out that she’s got germs in her mouth, he might’ve had a cut on his finger which was bleeding and I’m terrified she’s caught something from it - the obvious being hiv, and god knows what else.

Logic is saying she’s absolutely fine, it’s normal, it’s what babies do, his finger was no dirtier than anything else she puts in her mouth, but in my crazy little head I’m obsessing that his finger was dirty, it’s poisoned her, she’s got something from it, and I need to clean her mouth, and I’m a shit mum for allowing it and I didn’t say a word about it.

My DD is absolutely fine, and I’m not going to clean her mouth out, I’m just having a wobble and being daft panicking over this aren’t I?

Yes, but at least you recognise that you are being illogical and worrying over nothing.

Thank you.

Big hug for you, OCD is terrible! I used to have the exact same fears about getting HIV in a very random way or getting pregnant (from toilet seats). Your daughter will not have contracted HIV by sucking a stranger's finger! Would it help to discuss the facts of HIV transmission with a healthcare professional? Do not, under any circumstances, Google it - the only thing that would help you is finding a website saying "babies cannot get HIV from sucking on a stranger's finger", and that doesn't exist. You will only get more and more anxious. Are you getting help for your OCD? Is your health visitor aware you are struggling? I am wondering if you could still be referred to the perinatal mental health team. All the best of luck!!!

Aww op! I know how you feel as I also have ocd and anxiety, I worry about my dc being ill all the time and it's exhausting. I can definitely say though that your baby will be fine! Just think of all the things they put in their mouth. I would speak to your gp about how you feel, it's helpful to talk. My gp knows me very well so they are used to me taking the dc in for sometimes silly things, but they fully support me because they know what I'm like.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I’ve stayed off of google, the rational part of my brain was pretty confident it was impossible to get it that way, but the ocd part spiralled!

My hv has referred me to a mindfulness course which starts next month which I think will be a massive help. I’ll keep an eye on it, and if I think it’s getting bad again I’ll go back to the gp and seek help again. We’re currently in the midst of teething and weaning which has thrown things up in the air a bit and I think the uncertainty and extra tiredness is affecting me, so will make sure I take better care of myself too.

Thanks again for sharing your experiences and advice, ocd and anxiety suck big time!

Hi Iwantaunicorn,

I'm sorry you had a wobble earlier but you did really well rationalizing it! I have ocd too and know what a pain it is. I think you'e doing amazingly to cope with baby twins and manage your OCD.

Yeah, just coming on to say well done. It's OK that those slightly bonkers, very annoying thoughts arrive sometimes. What you have done is react brilliantly to it.

As you say, tiredness really provokes anxiety. You know what it is. And you're not letting it win. In a week you'll have forgotten about this. Really really well done. You should be very proud of yourself.