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Lonely depressed

3 replies

Sarah7741 · 21/08/2018 11:17

I have just found out that my dh searchs escorts and sex clubs off his internet search history. I’ve talked to him but he said it’s when we argue. I’m confused as it’s carried on when we are so called ok. I left everything I knew and moved 82 miles for him and our 2 children only to find out this. I won’t move back as it’s unfair on the children. I don’t want my marriage to end and he swears he’s not done anything but I’m left with my head in a spin . We have 2 kids under 2 and I can’t see me coping on my own . I feel weak. I have no friends here and feel alone. I would love to meet some friends and feel good about myself x

OP posts:
ThePussyofMrsSlocombe · 21/08/2018 12:01

I think there might be more to this than what you're saying or maybe what you know. Do you trust your husband? Have you clearly told him that going to these sights bothers you and you would prefer if he didn't do it? What did he say?

TBH if both your children are under the age of 2, I don't think they would mind moving again. It's not as if they are leaving school, friends, etc behind. If you have friends and family back home, maybe that would be the best thing for both you and your children? They might be able to help with child care and living arrangements so you can get a job and get back on your feet?

Making new friends in your new area isn't going to change your DH's behaviour. I think you need to have a serious think about where you see your marriage going. If DH doesn't stop going to these sites, if DH has or did have an affair, can you live with that? I can't imagine he's just looking at the websites, or if that's all he's done so far, I can't imagine that's all he'll continue to do tbh. Also, now you've confronted him, he might start hiding his web searches in future.

Every marriage has it's ups and downs, plus moving to a new area, having 2 children under 2 is hard. Is it possible that you cold go home for a few days, clear your head, get some perspective and speak with rl family and friends about all of this? It might help you to make some decisions going forward.

Good luck! Flowers

Sarah7741 · 21/08/2018 12:48

Hi there
Thanks for your reply.
When I told him , he first said I’m better off without him but that was high rate. I then questioned him again and he swore he wasn’t doing anything and asked me to stop talking about it. I don’t trust him no. I did say to him that if he has actually done something that , that would be our marriage over.
I have a few friends back from where I’m from and I have thought about going back home but I actually have more support down here as I’ve confided in his Mum and she said she will support me and my mum is with me as we have no more family . No I don’t think it will change him but I need to meet other people rather than sit here and feel rubbish. X

OP posts:
ThePussyofMrsSlocombe · 21/08/2018 16:15

It sounds like he's got a lot of issues: 'You'd be better off without me'?
And then asked you to stop talking about something that was bothering you? I think if he isn't already, he will probably be hiding things from you. Not to worry you, but a friend of mine ended up with a sexually transmitted disease. She was married, couldn't figure out where she'd gotten it from as she'd only ever been with her DH. Turns out, he had been sleeping around with a couple of women and also hiring prostitutes. If you have any concerns at all that he's been sleeping around, I would get tested ASAP.

I'm glad his mother and yours are offering support. What about Mother and baby groups or doing a yoga class or joining a book group or something? It is very hard to make new friends, but you have the advantage of having 2 young children, so that should help to open the door to meeting other mums.

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