Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Depression me and my partner

1 reply

Darcy0103 · 21/08/2018 07:52

I apologise in advance for the long message but I really need some advice.
Me and my partner haven’t had it easy. We’ve been together for a year and a half after I left foster care and school to be with him. Many would say it was a mistake but before I met him I was alone. I had no one and I was a mess. He made me feel so much better in myself.
A couple of months in his parents were having problems and we were evicted. Me and my partner were then homeless. We were staying on the sofa for a friend living off £30 a week for the both of us and we struggled. In that time I had a miscarriage presumed to be due the stress.
We then got our own place after four months of being homeless and were living off £57 a week for the both of us and to run a flat. We managed to sort our money problems out and things got a lot better.
I’m 38 weeks pregnant now with a baby boy and the only person I have in my life is my partner. I don’t know what I’d do without him. But recently there’s been a lot of stress on the both of us.
We’re both still struggling quite a bit. Neither of us are the same. He’s so distant with me now and I feel so alone. I know he has depression but no matter what I do I can’t seem to help him and he doesn’t want any other help. For someone who’s been through that their whole life I know that help can’t be forced on him.
I was in a lot of pain last night and we had an argument. Probably one of the worst.
He fell asleep in the sofa because it was early hours in the morning but when I went in to get him to come to bed. He had packs and packs of tablets on his lap. He said he didn’t do anything and was half asleep when I was talking to him so I couldn’t get him to talk to me but I’m really scared. I don’t want to lose my best friend and I’ve told him that I’m here for him done everything that I could possibly think of doing. I don’t want our baby to grow up without a father. His family would be dwvistated. He’s loved by so many people and has so many opportunities in life. If I lose him I don’t know what kind of mother I would be. Especially because I know I’d blame myself for not being able to make him happy. So much has happened over the last year and a half. More than I could describe to you. But we have been so strong all the way through it. Now it’s getting to us both and neither of us know what to do. Is this the end of our relationship. Would he be better off if was on his own because it seems that where ever u go trouble follows and I don’t want that for him. I want him to be the person he was before. Full of laughter. He made everyone feel so much better when he was around especially me.
I want my baby to have a dad like that.

OP posts:
SpottedTiger · 22/08/2018 07:21

So sorry to hear what you have been through and how hard things are at the moment. DH and I have been in similar situations in the past although I wasn't pregnant at the time.

It sounds like your DP needs help urgently, can you pursuade him to go with you to the GP or to A&E today? If not I would ring and speak to his GP anyway and explain your concerns. The GP can not tell you anything confidential, but they can and should listen to your concerns. If you are worried that your DP is in immediate danger call 999 and they will help.

Most importantly you need to know that this is not your fault. He is poorly and you are not in control of that. You can support him, but you can not fix it by yourself and no one expects you to. Any decisions that he takes are his decisions not yours whatever the outcome. Please do get support for both of you from your GP though. Also in my experience it is often when life is getting better/easier that we relax and our mental health takes a nosedive. The adrenaline keeps us going through the really difficult bits, then we get to a good bit and don't know why we feel so low, when all we are doing is processing the difficult bit that has gone before.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page