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Trapped and desperately unhappy

7 replies

Sleepyshores · 20/08/2018 21:17

I could really use some advice. I'm really struggling. I moved up North a year and a half ago and I detest where I live. It is the worst mistake I ever made. I live in a small town. Everyone I have met has grown up here, have family here, all their friends are from school. I feel like a foreigner and noone seems interested in wanting to be my friend. I haven't made a single friend since I moved. I'm not from a close family and my family are all scattered across the country. My sister lives close by (she was the reason I moved here), but we're not that close and we really are very different. I don't have a single shred of support from anyone. I'm a single mum to a lovely 3 year old DD and she is the only reason why I keep going. One of the major reasons moving here was such a massive mistake is that I can't find a job. I had a great job before I moved up here and worked very hard to gain a professional qualification in my field. I am unemployed, on benefits and at least £1,000 in debt. I am desparate to move away from here, move further down South where there are more job opportunities. I would also dearly love to be near the coast. I HATE my life. I have lost all hope of things ever getting better. I can't pay off my debt as I don't have a job, I can't move because I can't afford it; I can't travel to attend any interviews, if I were to get any that were further South, as i can't afford petrol and have no childcare. I don't even know where I'd like to move to, as I don't have any close friends or close family anywhere within the UK. I know that I love Devon and Norfolk and in fact I do have an old school friend in Devon and a cousin, but i couldn't move there as it's too far from my ex (my DD's father) and we have to split the travel when my DD stays with him every other weekend. So, as you can see, I am totally trapped. I can't see anyway out of this awful situation. Living here and hating it so much is so wearing and it is destroying me. Not having a job and getting constant rejections is soul destroying. I have thought about ending it all, but I can't because I couldn't do that to my daughter as I love her so much. The only option that I have is to stay here. I am trying to so hard to stay afloat, to pretend to be happy and upbeat for my daughter, to keep on top of the housework etc but I feel like I'm in a living hell and I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this. I've never been very popular and find it hard to make friends, but in the past I have managed to make a few nice friends wherever I have lived, but I haven't since I moved up here. I actually wish I could end it all, as at least I could escape this misery, but I know I could never do that to my daughter. I am also so angry at myself for moving it here, I'd gone through a bitter break up with my ex, was struggling as a single mum and my sister kept on at me to move closer to her with promises that her and her husband would support my daughter and I, but the reality has been totally the opposite. I rarely see her and have never felt more isolated and alone in my entire life. I would be grateful for any words of help. Thank you.

OP posts:
ThinkingCat · 20/08/2018 21:30

Sorry you are feeling like this. Have you talked to your sister about how you are feeling? Has she made friends since moving there? Could you socialise with her friends for a while. Have you joined any mother and toddler groups?

Seniorschoolmum · 20/08/2018 21:38

Op, I feel for you, that’s horrible but don’t give up and don’t blame yourself .

I had an appalling 12 months near Coventry after my ds was born, and I felt exactly the same. I just didn’t fit and hated every second.

Two things worked in my favour. The job centre paid my travel expenses to interviews and I decided not to worry about the child access thing until I had a job.

Can you look at potential employers in towns with good rail links to your ex’s town. you need a job first. That has to be the priority.
Also your dd will start school in a year so childcare will become much more affordable.
Keep strong and have absolute faith in yourself. You will manage it. Flowers

Sleepyshores · 21/08/2018 21:34

Thank you both for your replies. Seniorschoolmum I'm sorry you had such a hard time. Did you manage to get away from near Coventry in the end and if so, how did you manage? Its the worse feeling in the world to hate where you live. I've tried to make friends, joined parent and toddler groups and I also do volunteer work in a charity shop and have met some lovely people there but it still hasn't changed how I feel. I just know 100% that I don't fit in here. I have been here a year and 9 months and I think this is long enough to know how I feel. I just feel so trapped. I also feel totally without hope which is the worse feeling in the world. I honestly don't know how I can get out of this situation. Unless a miracle happens, I think I am stuck here. I'm just so sick and tired of feeling this unhappy and so weighed down by it all. It's so hard to keep going.

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 21/08/2018 22:08

Sorry op not much practical advice but please don't give up, you can do this and you will get through it and come out the other side. Although it may not feel like it, you can change things, maybe not right now. But find a decent job, save up as much money as possible, with a view to move as soon as you are able.

Try to do one thing every day that you enjoy. Try and find good things in life and focus on them. You are your daughters world and she needs you!

Hope some more people can come and give you some proper advice Thanks

vikingwoman · 22/08/2018 19:20

How are you feeling today, op? You have been through major change in the last few years - a breakup and a baby. How were you feeling before the move? Please don't be so hard on yourself and don't give up.

Things sometimes have a way of looking up at a moment's notice. Have you talked to your sister about how you've been struggling since making the move?

Seniorschoolmum · 22/08/2018 19:43

I did, eventually. I kept applying for jobs, just anything to get me out of the house and something to think about. I was finally offered one in the Thames Valley after about 10 months.
I then had 20 days to find a very cheap flat, sort the paperwork and find a childminder that I trusted and ds obviously liked. It was really stressy but I moved on the Sunday before starting work on the Monday. It took another 6 months to get my finances back in balance but things are so much better now.
Kittykat is right, time each day for yourself is really important. It’s sort of reminding yourself what you are fighting for. Things will get better. Flowers

sparklybytfeelingtiredzzzzz · 22/08/2018 19:47

I'm from up north probably no where near Teeside I'm sending you a friendly hug x

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