I think I need help but I'm scared

[namechangedyetagain]

Trying to get the courage to phone the doctor. Is there any point in taking ADs for depression caused by a situation that isn't going to change, or end well?

I don't know what to do but I feel like I can't go on. Not sure the doctor will be able to help though, they can't fix things for me.

From experience, yes there is a point to it.

I felt like there was no way ADs could have any effect on my "immovable challenges" but instead they quietened the constant panic and thoughts to a certain extent. (Don't get me wrong, I understand it's different strokes yada yada...)

Having this quiet relief helped me focus on elements I could control and coping mechanisms for what I couldn't control.

One of the biggest hurdles is reaching out for help and you should be proud that you're making progress already. Be kind to yourself and let the doctor help you.

I would rather I wasn't here tbh. I want to lock myself in a room and just drink and not wake up. So I'm not sure I'm deserving of help. But apparently I have to for the dc. But they don't need me really they have a dad.
Life is too cruel and I'm struggling.

Of course your DC need you.

Of course you deserve help to have a good life.

Do you want to tell us about the situation that you think isn't going to change?

I've just been throgh too much. But now my younger db has an incurable aggressive brain tumour. He's going to have therapy to try and slow the growth and buy a bit of time but that's all they can do. I can't face life without him. We're so close. He's 42 FFS

I apologise in advance for the long message but I really need some advice.
Me and my partner haven’t had it easy. We’ve been together for a year and a half after I left foster care and school to be with him. Many would say it was a mistake but before I met him I was alone. I had no one and I was a mess. He made me feel so much better in myself.
A couple of months in his parents were having problems and we were evicted. Me and my partner were then homeless. We were staying on the sofa for a friend living off £30 a week for the both of us and we struggled. In that time I had a miscarriage presumed to be due the stress.
We then got our own place after four months of being homeless and were living off £57 a week for the both of us and to run a flat. We managed to sort our money problems out and things got a lot better.
I’m 38 weeks pregnant now with a baby boy and the only person I have in my life is my partner. I don’t know what I’d do without him. But recently there’s been a lot of stress on the both of us.
We’re both still struggling quite a bit. Neither of us are the same. He’s so distant with me now and I feel so alone. I know he has depression but no matter what I do I can’t seem to help him and he doesn’t want any other help. For someone who’s been through that their whole life I know that help can’t be forced on him.
I was in a lot of pain last night and we had an argument. Probably one of the worst.
He fell asleep in the sofa because it was early hours in the morning but when I went in to get him to come to bed. He had packs and packs of tablets on his lap. He said he didn’t do anything and was half asleep when I was talking to him so I couldn’t get him to talk to me but I’m really scared. I don’t want to lose my best friend and I’ve told him that I’m here for him done everything that I could possibly think of doing. I don’t want our baby to grow up without a father. His family would be dwvistated. He’s loved by so many people and has so many opportunities in life. If I lose him I don’t know what kind of mother I would be. Especially because I know I’d blame myself for not being able to make him happy. So much has happened over the last year and a half. More than I could describe to you. But we have been so strong all the way through it. Now it’s getting to us both and neither of us know what to do. Is this the end of our relationship. Would he be better off if was on his own because it seems that where ever u go trouble follows and I don’t want that for him. I want him to be the person he was before. Full of laughter. He made everyone feel so much better when he was around especially me.
I want my baby to have a dad like that.

@Darcy0103 I can appreciate how distraught you are but can you ask mumsnet to create a separate thread for you?