Turning to mumsnet as not sure where else to go. My dad is 68 and retired last year. But if a back story 3 years ago he had prostate cancer which was on the verge of spreading but luckily caught it early enough so he is now in remission. He was a farmer who worked long days but my parents took the decision he couldn't work like that so retired to the West Country for a nice life in the country with the dogs and lots of fishing.
It quickly became apparent that he was depressed and finally saw a doctor who noticed it and gave him antidepressants which initially helped a lot. My mum, my husband and I had tried to talk to him several times but he just shut us out. He's had a couple of relapses over the last year and finally went back to the doctor who upped his dose. The doctor and others have suggested he going and talk to someone but unfortunately he's of the generation that won't talk about feelings and shuts off.
We've just come back from a week staying with them and honestly my husband, mum and I are at our wits end as it's obviously his depression has got worse. The slightest thing you don't agree with him over or want to do something differently sends him into a non talking miserable state and when asked what's wrong he just says nothing it's always my fault I'm always in the wrong. For example on Saturday we went out for the day and none of us wanted to do something he did so he went into this mood, when my mum said something about it not being very nice he snapped at her then had ago at me about being grumpy with him. He barely spoke to me the rest of the weekend and barely said goodbye. This morning as we were leaving my mum said he did want to hold our son who's 4 months and he rolled his eyes, I said you don't have to, which he said "I didn't say anything I'm perfectly capable". As soon as I'd left the room he said to my mum to take him back. He is also hung up on failing by retiring even though most of us would be happy to retire. He is constantly after reassurance over anything including the house they bought, the new car, the fence he put up and if you disagree he shuts down and gets offended.
So now none of us know what to do, if we try and say anything he shuts off and won't talk for days. He won't go back to the doctor because he doesn't think he's depressed he thinks it's us getting at him.
I'm at the point where I don't want to visit and I feel sorry for my poor mum who will have to put up with a week of him not talking.
Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated as I really want my dad to be happy.
Sorry for the long post!