Hello,
I have bad changed for this as it will be quite outing I think. I think this will be quite long, sorry in advance.
My husband has been struggling with his job for a while. It is extremely stressful and includes him doing a lot of further training to quality further. It is hard work and I try to support him. We moved for our jobs years ago and he commutes and is so busy, he doesn't really have any friends where we live.
He is a few years younger than me, I am early 30s. We got married a couple of years ago. Lovely wedding, he always says he loved getting married. He did worry about getting engaged before as he felt he was too young but he is so pleased with it all and can't imagine anything different.
We have been discussing children for years. His further training is taking him longer than we thought. I was also recently diagnosed used wth PCOS and had discussions about fertility with specialists. They said it might take us a while to conceive.
Ideally my DH would have waited a few years he said but we agreed we'd go on a couple more holidays then try. We went to a country with Zika and had all necessary tests afterwards. He happily did all of this. So we stopped contraception and conceived the first month to everyone's surprise.
Since then his mood is becoming worse and I'm really worrying for him.
He is constantly low, excluding me from his life and to be honest quite snappy. He is currently working towards another qualification and I know he finds it tricky. He now says he will never finish his courses, we won't manage financially (both in good jobs and reasonable maternity package), won't have any freedom and so on. Thing is we discussed these things before and of course things will change. He agreed to start trying, didn't use any more contraception. I did in no way coerce him, this was a joint decision. Of course if he had a younger partner maybe he'd have waited another ten years, but this is not the case.
I'm finding it so so hard to deal with his depression now. He is so down on everything. We went to an early scan and I thought it might help him bond. I asked him what he thought afterwards and he just said it was 'alright' and then talked about lunch. I have to say it was quite hurtful somehow.
I now feel he actually feels this baby is going to ruin his life. He is so down on everything and this always comes back to the pregnancy. A baby we both wanted.
It's meant to be such a happy time and I feel so shit. It's horrible. Everyone is asking whether he's excited and I am lying. I feel so embarrassed. It feels as if this is an accidental pregnancy the way he reacts, not something we have planned and actively tried for.
I know I sound a bit selfish with all of this, but in addition to the morning sickness, the fatigue and the feeling hormonal this is so hard to cope with. Our sex life has died (hasn't been great for a while to be fair but always thought it was stress, now thinking maybe related to depression?). I just feel really really lonely and as if what's meant to be a happy time is becoming really sad. I love him so much and I'm sorry he feels the way he does. But I can't not have this longed for baby to keep him, right? He's not asked me to abort obviously but the way he is so down makes it hard not to think it.
Not really sure what I am trying to get out of this. After another night of no conversation or anything and him just going to sleep (we're on holiday) I now can't sleep and am pondering where this is all going and how I will ever cope with it all. I don't feel strong enough for all three of us at the moment.