Really bad anxiety, feeling bad, need advice and help please.

[yummymummy06]

Hi everyone. I had DD2 9 months ago and the first few months were hard and I felt quite depressed. I did go to the doctor and he gave me a questionaire to do and he said it was more anxiety than depression, he did prescribe me antidepressents but I didn't take them. Instead I took St Johns wort and that worked but I came off it a couple of months ago. I have just finished breastfeeding also. I do worry all the time. OH works away all week and I constantly wonder what he is up to (even though I know he isn't doing anything apart from work and I trust him 100%), then I start thinking bad things and it eats away at me all day. Stupid little things like I wonder if he watches porn and then I will worry about it all week (really stupid!) He has a very demanding job and I don't know whether im coming or going most of the time with him and we have had problems in the past but we now have 2 lovely girls. I just can't stop these feeling overwhelming me and don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to the doctor as I feel I can't talk to him and im waiting for the HV to ring me back. Please someone help me. If I go on the pill will it level my hormones out or should I see some kind of counsellor? Thanks

I would see what the HV has to say. Why did you stop taking St Johns wort if you don't mind me asking? If it was making you feel better then maybe you should take them again?

Hi. I stopped taking it because i read somewhere that after you have taken it for several months it can make you feel down again in which case you need to wean off them as they have done the trick? So I started to wean off them. I know they can take a month or 2 to get into your system. Thanks for replying!

You sound like me. My DS is over 2 though and I've just started taking StJW. I have anxiety rather than depression I think but didn't get much help or sympathy from HV or Doc's so I took it upon myself to self diagnose from web and then get StJW, evening primrose oil as well as a general tonic with vits etc as I was just so knackered all the time. I also went to a counsellor (paid for by myself) who was very good. A lot of things had been eating at me and she helped put some sort of perspective on it.

Have you spoken to your OH about it? I think that hormones take a while to settle but you could try speaking to someone at a family planning clinic. I think they are more receptive to woman's stuff than GPs and can offer counselling as well.

You say dh works away all week. That must be hard. Does dh know how much this affects you, and have you discussed ways in which you could be together more, whether by you joining him or him coming home? If not, is there any time limit on this weekday separation?

A certain amount of anxiety is normal. I sometimes find myself lying in bed worrying about whether the house will catch fire or if we might be burgled! Dealing with anxiety is a cross between taking all reasonable precautions, and then developing strategies for taking your mind off those risks you can't do anything about.

Seems to me that counselling would be more use to you than drugs. A good counsellor listens to you and helps you to make sense of your predicament and therefore make your own decisions. (In case you thought counselling was about getting advice, which is quite different).

Thanks for all your advice. I do talk to OH about it but also find it hard to talk to him sometimes as I don't want to start a row etc. He says he has to go where the work is and we cant move out there but it wont be long term him being out there but I just don't know when and even if he came back to the UK it maybe away from us still or I am prepared to move somewhere. DD1 is starting school in september and I don't want to move her out of schools too much. OH is a workaholic and always wants to earn lots of money for us but it doesn affect me and I do wish he would be home by 6pm to help with the kids but I know this will never happen.

I think I would like to see a counsellor but I would be so worried I will just sit there and cry! Are they very expensive? How would I find one?

You poor thing. Men just don't get it sometimes. I got my counsellor from here
www.bacp.co.uk/

She was £10 for initial consultation and £35 per sesh thereafter. Not cheap but well worth it IMO. I call the shots and I decide when to go so it's not like it's £35 a week or anything.

If your DH is so determined to make a lot of dosh then try helping him spend it on yourself by getting a counsellor

Good luck

I agree with Voluptua - if your husband isn't around to support you because he is away making lots of money, then you have every right to spend a little of that money on some more support - and if the right support is a counsellor, spend the money that way.

Having said that, the best (and last) counsellor I ever saw was a (free) NHS one. Before that I had seen various private ones and got nowhere, largely because their vested interest was in spinning out the treatment so they could make more money out of me. The NHS counsellor was excellent - he didn't hurry me, but he helped me move along very quickly.

You probably feel very lonely if you are alone all week with your two daughters. Beyond counselling, have you got friends/family around to spend time with?

Feeling any better, Yummymummy06?

Hi. thanks for asking if im feeling any better.

I haven't had a very good week actually, think I am tired too which doesn't help. I saw the HV today and she is coming over next tuesday to talk, she did mention cogntive theropy which could help but also said there are tablets which help with anxiety. Will just have to wait until tuesday I guess.

i am taking the St Johns wort again now so im hoping that will pick me up abit, I think last time I took it it took about 10 days to kick in a little bit.

Also think I will explain to OH at weekend how im feeling. Thanks!

Oh and sorry, didn't answer if I have support around. I have the in laws nearby and lots of friends and my mum isn't too far either. I am always busy doing things and seeing people and even when OH worked in London he left really early in the morning and came back quite late so I can't win really!