holiday depression

[Tiredmummy06]

hi I just wondered if anyone else ever experiences this - I've had anxiety and depression for maybe 20 yrs now. I have a FT job and two young kids. I function petty well most of the time. however - when I go away anywhere on a holiday - could be abroad or just away for a few days to a city I get overwhelming depression anxiety and sadness. I've tried to figure out why this happens and I think it might be because I can mostly keep my depression/anxiety in check when I'm doing my normal day to day things like work, then cleaning, making dinners lunches etc etc basically I have routines which make me feel useful. then I go on holidays and there's none of that. it has become a major problem in my relationship as my partner is absolutely sick of me ruining our trips away. has anyone experienced this and if so how do you cope?

I also have depression and find the worst times are often when there is an expectation or pressure to be enjoying myself eg weekends, bank holidays, and sometimes trips abroad, yes. I prefer to go away for at least a full week now as opposed to short breaks of 3-4 days, that way if I have a couple of bad days it doesn't matter as much.

What has helped me is completely taking the pressure to have a good time away. I say to myself 'it's ok to be sad on holiday', which lessens the chance I will actually be sad. I have to be really realistic with myself and say 'it's ok if the only thing I get out of this is being in a different place for a few days'. It sounds depressing but I actually have a much better time if I don't put any pressure on myself. This also goes for sunny weekends, bank holidays etc.

I recognise that thing of almost turning into a machine on a daily basis, going to work, having a routine and how that can help stabilise you. Unfortunately everything you're holding in to do that has to come out somehow, and it will most likely happen when you have none of your normal distractions. Have you thought about having an outlet for your feelings eg therapy?

hi Cakemonger thanks for your reply. I think the worst part of it all is the strain it puts on me and my husband. he told me that he's just sick of it. and honestly why wouldn't he be - it must be very very hard having someone like me to deal with. yes I think that expectation to be happy on holidays is a part of the problem. I think I'll have to work on that and just tell myself it's just another place and try to muddle on. I have been on antidepressants ever since I can remember and have tried CBT. the CBT I can see would be very useful but my problem is actually implementing the techniques in my life. I'm not a stupid person and I know I have intrusive and negative thoughts and i know rationally that they are destructive what I should be doing to try and control them. but somehow I just can't....

Hi Tiredmummy06. Have you thought about giving hypnotherapy a go?
It will help you deal with those habits and emotions you can't deal with rationally and consciously. Also, you typically only need a few sessions, sometimes even 1 is enough to have significant improvement.
Just make sure they're qualified by checking the General Hypnotherapy Register or the CNHC.

I have exactly the same thing and it seems like when my normal routine isn’t there I very quickly become anxious and depressed. There is also the guilt that you feel you should be enjoying the break. Before a holiday I also start to anticipate feeling anxious and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Trying to get a lot of exercise helps me but I am also on meds, holidays give you too much time to think but mindfulness also helps me to some extent

I always have it. I usually persevere and after few days I can relax.

I get the "enforced fun" thing it's hard and you feel bad if you're not enjoying all of it.

I'm currently on a "once in a life time" type holiday and my kids are being shits, the itinerary is not up to me (family) and my husband keeps forgetting he's a parent. But tbh I have had the same "I should be enjoying myself" feeling on every holiday ever at least at the start!

I only ever enjoy myself if it's just me and my husband....I guess because I can just say" I feel crap "or " I don't want to do that!"

My depression is generally mild and I rage low dose antidepressants effectively but holidays certainly ramp up the feelings!! Sad really. I least I can say I like seeing my kids enjoy themselves!

yes I agree that part of what gets me through it is seeing my children happy. although sometimes I feel like they sense my anxiety and depression and I don't want them to know anything about it. then the guilt comes with that and the wondering if you're ruining things for them and if they'll remember these things as they get older. to be honest though they're two very happy content children. it's my husband who suffers the most because of this

Hi all. I'm exactly the same! I always go downhill during any time off from work whether on holiday or at home. I'm in it now. Anxious, bad sleep, feeling physically ill, unmotivated etc. I start thinking and that's it. I look back on everything that's happened to me and look forward to when the next hammer will fall. Its awful.

I find the only thing that helps is keeping myself busy by seeing friends and having a plan for each day. Open ended days are a disaster!

Can so relate to these comments.
I find the holiday’s ‘downtime’ difficult if I too much time to reflect, which ends up in me catastrophising prior events etc.
Really difficult for my partner too.
Keeping busy helps but think it is more about trying to ‘be in the moment’ rather than examining the past or the future. Is very tough though to do.