DH has anxiety/depression - how do I help?

[Naughtykitty]

Hi,

So my DH has recently been told he has anxiety and depression. He's always been highly anxious but in the last 6 months or so it's got a lot worse. We've had a stressful year. A bit of back story...I had a Miscarriage which devastated us both and we've bought a new house (which was a nightmare trying to get a mortgage due to DHs past debts) but we are now in and settled.

He has good days and bad days. He is generally very clingy on a bad day and just wants to be with me all the time. Today he came home from work and just broke down in tears. I want to support him and I am doing my best to support him but I just don't really know how? I don't know what to say sometimes and he tells me I don't understand. Which to be fair, I don't understand as I've never been through something like this but I do my best to be patient and understanding. I'm very much of the approach of if you're worried/stressed you just get on with it but I don't understand that he can't help the way that he feels.

I guess I'm asking if you have anxiety/depression, how has your partner supported you best? Or if you have a partner with the same, how do you support them?

I try to just listen when he needs me to and be comforting but I don't always know what to say. I run him baths and try to help him feel relaxed as possible. He's always worried that I will get fed up and leave him which I've told him isn't going to happen. He also has no sex drive at the moment so sex is a no go. I've told him I'm not worried about this at all, I'd much rather he feels better and I don't mind waiting as long as it takes.

I would really appreciate any advice.

Thank you

Would he go for CBT? You can self refer and it helped people I know enormously.
I think understanding that it's not as easy as just getting on with it is important.
When someone has anxiety or depression the simplest of tasks become mammoth.

He is going to start CBT but is still waiting. Could take over a month for the first appointment. Which I know in terms of waiting lists at the moment is relatively short but the sooner the better of course. That makes sense what you've said about simple tasks. He used to do most of the cooking and cleaning as my work would get in the way but I'm putting in a lot more effort to take this off his plate as much as possible. It's hard work but I'm happy to do anything to help him. X

Mindfulness helps me, free on youtube etc if he's willing to try it might help. Sounds like you're being supportive and loving, that's all you can do really.

I was your husband two years ago. Has he been to the Dr's? He might need some medication to get him through the worst of it and some CBT/counselling for the long term.

All my partner could really do for me was be there. He listened when I ranted or exploded, held me when I cried, tried to understand what was going on and helped me take steps to sort things out. I truly put him through hell and on more than one occasion thought he'd leave and he never did. I was clingy and needed constant reassurance and he was just there.

If you need someone to talk to, please do feel free to give me a PM.