Not sure what to do

[MaJoAJ]

This is my first post. And I feel like I’m moaning but if I don’t get it all out somewhere, I feel like my head is going to pop. I don’t know what to do

I’m a now single mum (to a 13y/o). Following a break up after 15 years back in Sept 17. It needed to happen - I hadn’t been happy for a long time. I had kind of met someone but we’d agreed that nothing was going to happen whilst we were both in relationships. I left. He did. Then he went back again before anything happened ‘for his kids’ this has been difficult. My ex has also made things very very difficult, threats, very nasty messages to me, family, friends and work.
I have been struggling at work, as I work in a target environment. This has affected my salary - I have debt all in my name from my previous relationship.
I have elderly and not very well grandparents that I seem to be constantly looking after (I don’t mind this, but I work about 50 hours a week). As other family members can’t / won’t contribute to this. I’m absolutely knackered.
I seem to be in an endless circle.
I feel really alone. I still talk to the guy above and I have one close friend but I’m scared I’m just sounding negative all the time.
My doctor prescribed me some anti depressants but I’m not sure I want to take them. It won’t change my situation so I’ve been avoiding them.
Work were supportive at first - now they are just being horrific. I’ve had a disciplinary, and some horrible things said about me, I feel like it’s an uphill battle. After doing so well for such a long time there, they have now turned.
I’m scared to get a new job, I don’t want to leave because I’m failing.

My house is falling apart - it nearly set on fire a few weeks ago because I haven’t been able to afford to get a leak fixed. Its an abolsute mess because I just don’t seem to have any time to clean it, it’s getting to the point now where I don’t even know where to start with it. I don’t want anyone to come round because I haven’t had chance to sort it. It needs so much doing to it, a bit of cleaning and decorating won’t touch the surface.
I run out of money about 2 weeks after I get paid every month.

I don’t know what to do, where to start - wishing on those dandilion things to ‘be happy’ just doesn’t seem to be doing anything 😂

I don’t know what advice I’m looking for, what I want anyone to do, or say. I just don’t have anyone that I can say it all too so thought strangers on the internet may be a good start.

Oh dear that is a lot of things on your plate. Have you had a holiday recently? If not now seems like a good time to take one. Sounds like you need to rest and re-charge.

I take it your 13 year old lives with you? They're old enough to clear up after themselves and help out with general things. If you're not there most of the time, and they're usually at school, it shouldn't get that bad. Twenty minutes a night intense effort in one area should make a big difference if DC is on board too.
Sorry you've got so many difficult things going on, but the only thing different from before is the fact that you are doing it as a single parent rather than a couple. I'm not bashing you, but you must have known that would be a possibility if the OP didn't work out? ( I guess the verbal promise of something happening wasn't enough to outweigh his long term relationship with wife and kids?) Not sure why you thought ex would be fine about that. You leaving him for someone you hadn't even been physical with tells him exactly how low in your estimations his relationship with you has been.
How are you having to help elderly relatives? Are there organisations which could provide it instead of you?

We went to wales for a few days but holidays aren’t something that I can afford at the minute unfortunately! It is something I’m trying to save for but that savings pot depletes very very quickly

Thanks for your reply.
Yes he is old enough to help out. We kind of made a rod for our own back with him because we did everything. He’s a good kid and is slowly coming round to the helping out, he can see I have a lot on.
Yes that was always a possibility, however that was always one of the reasons nothing ever happened. I didn’t necessarily leave my partner for someone else and he wasn’t aware of this. I left him because of years of mental health problems that probably the best way to put it, left him being not a very nice person. It wasn’t a healthy thing for my child to see. I didn’t want him thinking that it was how a relationship should be.

We have nurses going in to help one of my grandparents twice a day, getting him up and putting him to bed but it’s more the being with and general day to day things that are a struggle and company. I go up everyday after work and spend most of the weekend with them. Again I don’t mind that because they did a lot for me growing up, I’m just paying that help back now

I go up everyday after work and spend most of the weekend with them
It's nice that you do this, but you're probably making another rod for your own back by going round for what sounds like most of your non work time. Can you look into organizing other company for them? You sound as if you are taking on too much of that yourself. And in the nicest way, do they really need company for most of the weekend, in addition to the nurse twice a day?

You’re right that antidepressants won’t change the situation but they can give you that little boost that enables YOU to change things.

Contact an orginasation such as age concern/ help the aged and ask if they have a befriending scheme .