Back to suicidal thoughts

[granadagirl]

I’m so sick of feeling this way, nearly 12 mths this time round
I’m on venlafaxine 150mg, I tried upping dose to 187.5mg for 7 weeks with no sufficient change
So went back down again, as I started having chest sensations
And thought it might of been the ven

I’ve bern a&e 3 times with overwhelming suicidal thoughts only to be sent home and told to go gp
I know they know I wouldn’t of followed it through because of the questions they were asking me for over an hour.
The thoughts are so so real and tempting, even if it’s just to get help

I’ve been turned down by secondary mh services (which I was under 6 years ago) but it’s so cash strapped
There criteria is really strict.
So agrophobic,high anxiety running my life and depression and suicidal
Thoughts and despair plus hardly eating somedays doesn’t cut it

I’ve just been on phone to raid team(psychiatric) at hospital
Who wanted me to go down there
I can’t face hours in a&e , she said I obviously wanted help or I wouldn’t of rang.

I want help
My psychologist said I have expectations that can’t be met!

Ie a cpn or support worker
Someone I can ring in crisis from mh team
Someone to look at my meds, not a psych who will throw any meds at me. Take this take that

I’m really scared of my own thoughts and feeling
Every 2/3 weeks I go down the same route.
Suicidal thoughts, panic
Ring raid team
Partner is beside himself with me,
I just go round in circles every few weeks

If they won’t take me on secondary care, I’ll be forever going in that circle
I think I’m obsessed, with wanting intervention to get me well. It’s been so long this time

Any others in the same boat
Or your views or help please xx

Nobody else suffering

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. Could you afford private therapy? Most therapists have a sliding scale. My therapist normally charges £60 an hour, but he sees me for £20 less each session. I know others who go every other week.

The charity Maytree offers free residential stays. Could you call or email Samaritans?

I’ve tried therapy both nhs and private in the past.
As I’ve got older (60) I’m finding each time I get it, it takes longer to go and more debilitating
Agrophobia, high anxiety,depression

I’m also mh med scared too !

The maytree is way to far, but would love somewhere like that to go

I’m seeing a nhs psychologist at the moment I’m step 4 complex case
Only been 3 times upto now
1st cried virtually solid for nearly 2 hours with lots of questions of background
Think this made me worse, as I come from family of 6 , mum died when I was 14 mths youngest of us
So it made me feel worse going through things .
How we didn’t sit on dads knee for cuddles or to read book, as to many of us step up age. How siblings looked after each other, hardship back in the late 50’s
Just bought things back that I didn’t think was relevant!
Maybe she thought this is why I get recurring anxiety/depression every 3/4 yrs
Also seems to think I have expectations of mh help that’s not available, well in my area
Cpn, psych

I’ve tried so hard to get help with my v low mood/anxiety nearly a year like this now going round in circles and having doors closed
Even gp as spoke to mh services, sent me to a&e, she doesn’t know what to do next

So if she doesn’t, my only help
How can I know

There's different type of therapy, you need more support than you're currently getting. This too shall pass. The book the power of now helped a little bit, but books aren't an real alternative.I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better. I'm willing to just listen if you want to talk.

Or thank you so much xx

How are you doing?

Hi orangecake
Thank you for asking

I rang gp surgery 7.30 Monday and told them I needed referral to outpatient raid team (told they had appts open) she got me one and I gad to me there 10am

Saw a understanding mh nurse, who asked lots of questions, he totally got me and what I am like and said hospital is not the right place/environment for me, and he'd ring the psych I was under for my area and relay things to her.
She said to up my meds , no cpn or home access team and if struggling again go to a&e
I felt like screaming, how come you get what I’m like and need help but she thinks she’s God
She as the last say on what’s to be done

So I have to go back to hospital on Saturday morning, I’ve upped the meds and waiting for the SE now to kick in

I’ve still had few thoughts, but not as intense, sleep has been off
I’m so tired, so hoping tonight I get at least a few continuous sleep

Thank you xx

I'm sorry you got fobbed off . I have contacted Samaritans in the past who also let you email them. Are you still eating properly? Do you have friends and family you could talk to in real life?