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Please help me have kindness for dh when my own mh is all over the place

3 replies

Loyaultemelie · 03/08/2018 10:29

Please be gentle because I already know I'm a terrible person. Dh lost his dog a couple of nights ago and is devastated. I have been genuinely supportive for him, held him as he's cried, answered his phone and organised the business plus done all the sorting of the kids, house meals etc and sent away friends who called in as he didn't want to face them.
Thing is I'm struggling, my mh isn't good at the moment, my depression and anxiety have been creeping back a lot worse, I'm on new medication and have so much life admin to do. It's the anniversary of the process losing our twins (first one then a few weeks later the other) and he rarely acknowledges that and didn't get anywhere near as upset as over this dog, even though I almost died too. Rationally I know he was sort of dealing with things practically and looking after dd1 but I'm an awful person because I'm even thinking that. I feel like telling him to snap out of it he's had a couple of days to wallow, now feel sad but move on with life and actually parent your children and run your business. (I won't say it!) Please help me be kind and keep going

OP posts:
ConfusedWife1234 · 03/08/2018 19:30

I am so sorry to hear.
I think in some men it is really hard to tell how upset they are about something because they do not show it. I might be totally wrong but maybe he just wanted to be strong for you and dd and maybe... and again I might be wrong... he does not only cry for the dog.

Dh had a lot of bad stuff happening to him (long story)... but always smiling... and one day we were just singing a sad song as we do in our culture a d he just cried and cried over the song... but wasn‘t really the song I think.

Loyaultemelie · 04/08/2018 10:43

Thank you, that's really helpful I hadn't considered a build up of emotions like that

OP posts:
ConfusedWife1234 · 04/08/2018 10:47

Could be the case. Can you discuss it with him?

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