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Counsellor Talks more than I do

14 replies

m0m3nt · 01/08/2018 17:58

Hi I would really love anyones opinion on this. I have been seeing a counsellor for a few months now, I have been through a tough time lately and Ive felt like I could use the extra support. I wanted to have someone to talk to about my feelings and have them put me first in a way that just doesnt happen in real life. But the thing is I always feel like she talks more than I do. At first, when she was spending 15-20mins of the session talking about her life and her family and all the things going on, I assumed it was like a getting to know you thing? That she was maybe trying to build a relationship? And that I was being vain or selfish for expecting that these sessions would be all about my issues? But as the weeks have gone on, I have noticed that when I am talking about something she sometimes interupts me, like I might say "last night i was so sad i sat down after dinner and ate a full pack of biscuits because" and she will cut across me to say "oh my god I am the exact same, its so hard to avoid the comfort eating, I found that it started after my first marriage broke up" and then she will talk about herself for a few mins and then move on to something else with me. And I can't help but feel like maybe it should be about me more?
After a session last week where she talked uninterrupted for a half hour about some drama in her life, I started to realise that she took notes during our first session but hasnt since. she never knows where we left off and asks the same questions every week and last week had to ask my husbands name.
Is there something wrong with me? Was i wrong to expect more? Or am I the problem....I went to her for support because I wasnt getting it from my friends and family, and now Im starting to think that I am the problem because not even the woman I am paying to listen wants to know about me and my problems

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 01/08/2018 18:01

That's completely unacceptable - the counsellor has terrible boundaries and isn't offering you the service you are paying for at all. You're not the problem. Please end the sessions however you need to do it and find an actual counsellor. You may also want to report her to BACP if that's her professional body.

cheezy · 01/08/2018 18:02

That’s dreadful behaviour from a counsellor!! Get another one ASAP!

EvaHarknessRose · 01/08/2018 18:03

Sack her, tell her why honestly (or preferably her boss/professional body), and find someone better. Its not ok and not professional.

Rebecca36 · 01/08/2018 18:43

Change your counsellor, the one you have is quite unprofessional.

Karmin · 01/08/2018 19:11

She is shit, report her and get a new counsellor

Saucery · 01/08/2018 19:15

Not a good counsellor at all, where did you find her? I know a couple of women who proudly proclaim their Counselling Certificates and tbh I wouldn’t talk to them about the weather or problems with bin collections, they are so self absorbed.
You deserve better than she sounds.

m0m3nt · 01/08/2018 19:35

Thank you all so much for your messages. It is very reassuring to hear that Im not mad for feeling let down by her. I definitely will stop seeing her, but I wont lie, it will take a lot of courage to see someone else now. Not just because of trust, but because it was really hard to take that first step once and spending weeks filling in the back story, its going to be really tough to go back to day 1 with someone new. And i really dont think i would be able to say to her face why im leaving her...i know she probably needs to know, but thats just too scary for me. i found her on the bacp directory so i think i might contact them?
thank you all so much x

OP posts:
Greenglassteacup · 01/08/2018 19:38

She sounds very unprofessional OP

bastardkitty · 01/08/2018 19:40

Make sure you find an accredited member and not just someone who is on the register, if possible. You have every right to feel that way and that is exactly why it's so wrong. Would you consider writing a letter of complaint to her and asking for a refund?

EmmaSwann · 01/08/2018 19:43

I've had counselling and my counsellor hardly spoke. All she did was ask open questions and if I stopped speaking, there was silence. This enabled me to gather my thoughts and then continue speaking.

Her careful comments and questions gently guided me to come to my own conclusions about things and think about things I hadn't thought of in ways I'd never considered.

Your lady sounds terrible. Get rid and find someone else.

Orangecake123 · 01/08/2018 20:02

I've been in therapy for the past 19 months. Therapy is about you not her.

Find someone else OP.

CantThinkOfAnotherNameAgain · 01/08/2018 22:18

OP it's not you it's her she is inappropriate and unprofessional. Please don't let this put you off! If you pick another counsellor it's highly unlikely this will happen again xx

Sweetpeas20 · 02/08/2018 22:13

I'm a counsellor and a registered member of the BACP and I can tell you right now that this 'counsellor' is not acting in a professional manner. I'd certainly ditch her and find someone else. There's no harm in 'interviewing' a few to find the right one - I did when I had to choose my training counsellor :) Counselling should be all about you, and self-disclosure by a counsellor is very rare - they are supposed to provide a safe, non-judgemental space for you to talk about your stuff. Good luck finding someone you can work with xx

HereInMyHead · 07/08/2018 10:43

That is completely inappropriate of her. I saw a counsellor for 8 years and only knew the bare minimum about her. Get another counsellor!

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