Borderline personality disorder

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Can anyone tell what it's like to have BPD and tell me how you feel?

Sorry for odd question.

Thanks

@prettywhiteguitar I'm sorry! That must have been hard to grow up with. I'm sure my mum has something too (undiagnosed) and my grandma had quite serious mental problems too

Yeah it was pretty miserable! If she could have been diagnosed with something that would have helped but the narcissism stopped that, she knows better than the professionals !

I hope you get something to help you, I think talking about it at least would give some benefit? My mum always felt very lonely

I have BPD. The main things it feels like for me are:

Major mood swings from joyfully happy to suicidally depressed very quickly. I am also really sensitive to small changes and that can shift my mood to the extreme.
Feeling like everyone hates me and wants to get away from me (and the knock of effect of this making me socially awkward and unstable to know).
Not really sure about what/who I am. I really don't understand my identity and would explain it differently on different days. Relatedly (maybe) I am also apparently body dysmorphic. Seeing as I tend to feel rather gross maybe this is a good thing and other people don't see me like that!?
Impulsivity including impulsive self harm. I can be so sensible and controlled, and I don't actually know what happens. I can tell my CPN about some self harm and I will be asked what triggered it or what I was feeling and often it is pretty much nothing, or I can't remember. I get scared sometimes when I am feeling sensible that I could kill myself accidentally on an impulse that I can't control over what may be a small irrelevant thing, but that at that time it is massive to me.
Often I feel just empty, a void.
When I am stressed I dissociate, the amount of stress I can tolerate before this happens depends on my overall mood. When I dissociate I sort of leave my body.

I took getting o a really bad place to get decent help unfortunately - don't let them fob you off with CBT!

Definitely do the self referral to a psychiatrist, they'll be able to formally diagnose you. They should then refer you to relevant services in the area. My sister spent her whole life struggling with her emotions and being prescribed antidepressants, she finally got referred to a psychiatrist after having a crisis which involved police and a trip to our local mental hospital. Her diagnosis enabled her to access the services she needed. MIND have been good so contact them, and see if you have a local Complex Needs service! Good luck!

I am so glad I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow because I feel myself going into crisis. I’m so sick of this now.

As PP have explained it's a combination of symptom that create the diagnosis. I have all the usual ones;
Severe mood swings/ heightened emotions
Intense anger with a violent streak
Lack of trust and fear of abandonment
Splitting ( black and white/ good and bad thinking)
Identity confusion
Struggles with relationships
Impulsivity
A constant empty feeling
High drive/ need to be doing something
Easily bored and restless
Suicidal idealation
I used to self harm but haven't since I was 19. My substance misuse is also managed now.
I dont think I'm manipulative but sometimes need 'proof' that people love of care about me which probably is a little manipulative
I also have above average intelligence which I used as a weapon throughout my teenage years so I understand why mental health professionals find us challenging.

BPD seems scary but there's a lot of good support available and I'm undertaking schema therapy which I find very helpful.
My friends also pointed out to me the benefits of my BPD which probably attribute to my character, which is nice;
I'm very empathetic, loving and understanding
My impulsiveness makes me fun to be around.
I'm passionate and creative with a zest for life
My high drive/ need for stimulation has helped me be very successful in my career
I'm very trustworthy and completely honest

Having BPD isn't the end of the world. You just need to work on yourself a bit more than others might but it's not all bad. X

Movablefeast
My BPD is a result of complex trauma throughout my childhood. I had a very violent, unstable upbringing with alcoholic parents. According to my psychologist this has created volatile and unhelpful schemas and patterns of behaviour that's attributed to BPD. My empty feeling and mistrust is because I rarely got my needs met as a child. I know it's different for everyone but generally is a combination of genetic predispositions and environmental factors such as trauma x

@DC06 that's a really nice way to look at it! There are things I like too - I think I'm really kind, I feel feelings intensely so good times are always enhanced, I really give my all to relationships and friendships, I'm passionate and outgoing. That definitely is counter balanced by the bad things, many of which are on your post too

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