Holiday nightmare

[Horriblegrandma]

Hi everyone. I work in a school and so have long holidays. Everyone I work with looks forward to then but I don't. I can't cope with the lack of routine and get gradually more and more depressed as the holiday goes on. I feel ill all the time and no energy and can't be bothered to do much. I have a dd who won't go to the beach or for a country walk which makes life harder too. Despite this, we are close and I've booked several things in to try and pass the time.

It's hard to explain how I feel. About expectation and reality I think. It never matches up. I get.up up too late then get angry with myself. Start feeling anxious and dreading life throwing me more crap like it's only a matter of time before something bad happens. Eating too much then hating myself but keep on eating. Just want to sleep and cry.

Does anyone else feel like this? Also what can I do to manage the holidays? Any tips gratefully received thanks

I set myself some goals for the holidays as I can find it hard as well. I usually give myself a project- a room to decorate or something - keeps me occupied and I feel better if I think I’m achieving a goal.

Thanks Sure. Yes that's a good idea. When I try to do this I tie myself up in knots trying to decide what project to do! Also when I'm out, I get really frustrated because I can't choose which café to go to or where to go. This leads to more upset and it all seems too hard. Then I wish I was home but then I get fed up at home! It's nuts.

This sounds a bit anal but would giving yourself a schedule help?

Snuggy I have a friend who does this. She writes down everything, even scheduling in clothes washing! I could give it a try. A lot of the problem is also feeling ill and exhausted which then stops me doing things. I think it's all related. There's an overriding feeling of doom and I can't understand why. My life hasn't been easy and I sometimes feel like work helps me to forget it all.

Have you spoken to anyone about this anxiety?

Would you consider a holiday job? Like the summer camp things that are often run at schools? I understand how hard lack of routine can be for mental health

Snuggy I'm planning to speak to my GP about it. I've suffered from depression on and off for 25 years.

Amateur I have considered a holiday job. Just looking around for something. Could do with the extra money too.

It sounds like you are worn out and exhausted and that is a big trigger for anxiety.

How old is DD?

Are you getting any exercise and fresh air? Can you?

I have GAD and for me a schedule is the last thing I need. I try to exercise first thing every day then if the rest of the day goes to hell at least I have done that.

Also - and I need to remind myself of this too - everyone NEEDS down time, stop beating yourself up about doing not much

Wind yes I am exhausted and stressed. My job is hard going and when I stop I crash. I do beat myself up a lot about downtime and feel like I should always be doing something interesting. I think this is brought on by the way life us these days. Social media and friends who have more money and are always away etc.

Did is 15 so teenagey. I'm not getting any time to myself either which I find hard. Sorry for the moaning. Just trying to find a way to cope.

I agree with the suggestions re planning your days- this can really help with low mood. You could structure it like a work plan, so instead of waking up and thinking 'what am I going to do today ' you already know. It might help to timetable some activities with your DD as well- so they aren't optional IYSWIM. Not having structure/ routine can really affect some people's mental health.

tbh a good moan is a very healthy thing.

But the main thing is you cannot pour from an empty cup. Try to enjoy a bit of resting up. You need to recharge!

Are you bored or do you just feel that you "ought" to be doing stuff?

I deleted fb and twitter earlier in the year and I felt the expectations I placed on myself dissolve. I thoroughly recommend it.

I have a teen a tween and a little one and I understand how the teen in particular can make you feel stuck - you can't force them to do stuff but you can't just leave them to it all the time. Can you leave her to her own devices a couple of times per week and get out into fresh air somehow?

Yoga is also great btw if you can get to a class - the people are usually nice, it goes with the territory.

I hope it goes ok with the GP and whatever you do with the holidays, you don't sound very happy at the moment.

Lots of super advice here already I see.

You are not alone at all. I work in a school and used to dread the holidays. In fact there was a MN post last week with someone else saying similar things to yourself.

School life is hard core and fast paced and rigid and it's a shock to the system when it's all over. I normally fall ill at easter and summer.

My best advice is to learn a new skill or set a little project. I normally learn how to crochet something small but I've also leaned how to hula hoop. I use YouTube video tutorials at home to learn anything new. Just try anything and if you don't like it move onto something else. Projects can be small like learning to draw something or ongoing like learning to identify types of trees when out walking. (My current project).

Why not try and portion your day up a bit like a school day so you have a little bit of routine. But remember the holidays are there for you to rest. Maybe a small goal to achieve each day will make you feel better. Plan the next day the night before so things will go more smoothly.

It does sound like speaking to your GP will help but in the meantime remember little jobs take less time than you think, washing up, hoovering a room are all under 5 minutes. These are little things that make me feel better mentally, as I like a tidy house and if I focus on how little time they'll take it gives me more motivation to get the job done.

Remember how quickly a half term passes in school? Well that's all the summer holidays are.

Thank you so much everybody. There are some great ideas here. Avocado you are right. My job is totally nuts and I often get ill too during the holidays.

I'm feeling really crap tonight. Dp and dd are driving me crazy! I need some space and Dp keeps making sarcastic comments about everything. I know he wants some time with me but I'm not in right head space for this. I just want to be on my own. I worry that I will never feel happy. I don't know what will make me happy. It's like I don't know who I am and I find no enjoyment in anything. There's something missing in me. It's hard to explain.