Don't want to go back on ADs!

[cricketmum84]

Hi all,

I've had anxiety and panic attacks for just over a year, in that time I've been on 4 different ADs, the most recent ones were great, anxiety was so reduced that I managed to get beta blockers down to about 5 tablets a week, depression lifted and I was sleeping and felt good. I was on these for about 6 months and with my doctor decided it was time to come off then.

I stopped taking them about 8 weeks ago and in the last couple of weeks my anxiety is returning to high levels again. I lost my job earlier this week and am quite stressed out I feel dizzy all the time, waking at 4 in the morning and can't sit still, I can feel my heart racing and am convincing myself it's skipping beats. I'm drinking too much to get the anxiety under control, I'm useless out and about and find things like the supermarket a huge challenge.

I'm already thinking I may need to go back on mirtazapine. Although this could just be a temporary blip with what's gone on this week. The side effects of mirtazapine such as weight gain and sexual side effects were really getting me down and I will feel like such a failure if I have to start taking them again.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Do you think it will settle? Do I go back on the meds?

Thanks so much if you read the whole thing. I know it's a bit of an essay!

I understand feeling like a failure, I've been there myself. However no other illnesses where drugs are required would you feel that way. Those with heart disease, diabetes, thyroid problems etc take drugs and accept it. No one wants to always need medication however some people need it.

However I would say that it sounds like you've had a pretty tough time recently. Did your doctor do a slow reducing of your medication?

@FrolickingForklift thank you, I know exactly what you mean, It's sad that ADs are seen as shameful. I didn't really want to come off them but my husband kept commenting on how good I was doing and asking if I really needed them anymore. If I'm honest I think his reaction and asking me if I "really needed them" probably made me feel quite ashamed of being on them.

Yes we did a slow taper over 4 weeks.

I know how you feel op, but for me appreciating that I need to take ADs forever was quite a pivotal moment.

Like pp said, if you were diabetic and needed insulin, nobody would suggest you could do without it - why are MH conditions different? It's a chemical imbalance in your brain, not a weakness

Weight gain and mirtazapine is a tricky one, but I have just lost 3 stone while taking it, so it can be done.

Thinking of you- be kind to yourself

You could try something different. I'm on a low dose citalopram which give me no side effects other than making me queasy if I take them in the morning so I take them at bed time. There are other options so don't feel you have to just give up and go back to what you had.

It's true people see them as bad there's a stigma attached. Every time I tried to come off it was a disaster! A lot of my depression is hormonal so it's probs not going away tbh!

There are more people on ADs long term than you could ever know because they won't tell you. I tell everyone but then I do the "but it's hormonal so..." and annoy myself!

Go chat with your gp and ask about lower dose longer term options xxx

I think the stigma is yours. There isnt a stugma, half the country probably take them!
No sex is surely better than feeling as you do? Im fat on mine (antipsychotics) but feel so much better. It isnt worth stopping them, noone needs to know!

Thanks @motortroll I had a really bad reaction to citalopram so that defo isn't an option for me. I've been through them all now and mirtazapine has been the best for me.

I'm going to book in with the gp on Monday and discuss options although they always seem quite useless! They always say "and what would you like to do about it?" Like hang on aren't you the doctor here?!

@niketrainersarecomfy no sex is fine for me when I'm taking them! However I'm sure my DH would get fed up pretty quick.

Thank you @ElfrideSwancourt

Can I ask how you lost the weight? X

Meds can work wonders. But if you want an alternative the following worked for me;

1. Hypnotherapy
2. Acupuncture
3. Low Qi diet (no more sugar crashes) with loads of veg
4. More exercise
5. Lots of walking and talking with friends
6. Turning phone off all evening
7. Mindfulness did wonders.

The good thing is that I now have lots of things to fall back on if things slip. Really hope you find stuff that works for you

Slimming world works for me op - I've been consistently losing 2-3lbs a week so not as slow as I had expected.

I get anxiety and i have been off normal antidepressants for a while as i found side effects to be unliveable with.
I take 5htp now. You can get it amazon/ebay/ health food shops.
Its not perfect but its enough and i havent had side effects from it at all.
I also have weekly counselling now which can be expensive but you can get very reduced rate if you go to your local college and see a counselling student. They can be very good. Also look into doing a mindfulness course.

Saying that, i dont think ADs are shameful. They have saved me in the past. If you feel they helped then its noone elses business. Not even your husbands

Ask about taking some of the older ADs. Amitriptiline is an older drug, but can work wonders for anxiety and you can often take it in combination with other things.

There is nothing shameful about being on ADs. You DH's comment was quite out of order. As other PPs have said, if you had a thyroid condition, or heart problems etc, nobody would bat an eye at you taking necessary meds. Your anxiety and depression are exactly the same. Some people can come off them and be fine again, but others are on them for life. Go back to your GP and discuss it. Clearly you do better on meds, and coming off because of a non-medical person's opinion is mad.

I second the older ADs. They at least don't have the sexual side effects and have worked much better for me.

Cricket you only have to lay there for a bit and it will be over

@niketrainersarecomfy

I'm on Celapram. I had bad reactions to Citalopram too (became a zombie) but this one's pretty good. I've gained about ten pounds simce going on it but it seems to have stabilized at that. It has made a huge difference. I need to go back to counselling though.

Thanks all. I've booked in to see the GP tomorrow morning.

Spoke to the husband last night and explained that I think I need to back on them and that maybe the only reason I thought I was well enough to come off them was because I was taking them IYKWIM! He still thinks any medication is bad for me so I asked how he would feel if I had to take medication for a physical illness? I think he is understanding more as he pushed me to get an appt today.

I'll definitely mention the older ADs and see if any of them are suitable.

So update: I'm back on mirtazapine. Day 5 now I think! I'm sleeping a whole lot better, usually awake by 4am but slept til 8.30 today! The vivid dreams are back but thankfully not all nightmares. In fact I woke up this morning immediately after dreaming I was eating a sausage baguette and I can still taste it now 😂

Palpitations have been a lot worse than normal today but I think that's quite common in first few weeks, good thing is they aren't panicking me as much as they usually do.

I think I made the right decision.