Unhelpful coping mechanisms

[Bellatrixurstrange69]

When I feel threatened I leave.
When I fear failure I leave.
When I sense rejection I leave.
Whenever I feel vulnerable I leave.
What do I leave? Everything! Friendships, relationships, exercise classes, courses, anything requiring a commitment I leave.
Wtf is wrong with me?

Sexual abuse in childhood taught me to cut off and escape if I felt threatened but now this coping mechanism is a blockade to joy.
How do you rewrite a childhood instinct for self preservation that is now ruining your life?

I do the same, I didn't suffer from sexual abuse in childhood, rather repeated rejection from both parents and step parents, and accusations of things I didn't even understand as a child. I understand them now, and know that the behavior I was accused of is 'normal' child behavior, twisted by adults to have adult motivations when that just wasn't happening.
My problem for many years was putting up with anything so I had someone still in my life, until I broke. Now I do what you do, and I leave, either physically or emotionally - and now I'm alone a lot of the time.
I'm trying to break the cycle one little thing at a time. I have committed to animals - because well, they don't deliberately mess you up and hurt you, they're simple as are their motivations.
I'm trying to start small, and possibly to go back to something - after I've left - by trying not to burn my bridges in that first rush of self preservation to get away. The next time something arises I'm going to try and take a break, rather than quit, run and not look back.

Thanks for taking the time to reply Buswankeress. Those are good points. I think in order to really change I need some sort of counselling. I think your idea of committing to one thing rather than lots is a good idea. Thanks so much.