Do you have No empathy ?

[lola212121]

I have always had a lot of empathy and care very much about others , however lately I'm noticing I am also concerned about keeping things real and telling people the truth . For people who do this a lot with no hesitation and have no empathy : what motivates you in life ? Do you try to help , care etc ? Do you try and hide that you have no empathy ? Do you realize how damaging your actions are ?

Oooh and another curiosity : how do people who have no empathy deal with setbacks in their life :loss of someone /something , physical illness , mental health problems , stresses in everyday life etc

I'm not so sure people with "no empathy" will necessarily realise they're without empathy. Also, even if they are without empathy themselves, it doesn't mean they're not expecting others to show empathy towards their problems, I'd rather guess the opposite: those without empathy crave others to be very emphatic toward themselves, as they are (perceiving they are) the centre of the world. Most people show less empathy toward people who are outside of their immediate circle of family and friends, for example to show empathy (or not) with a panhandler who is trying to make you give them your money. In that regard there is not such a big difference between those who have empathy and those who have not. I suppose you have very little empathy toward me, now, and are you trying to hide it? My guess is you haven't even given it a thought whether or not to show me any particular empathy in my role as a fellow internet dweller.... you probably only find the answer a bit odd, and will therefore disregard it. For people without empathy, they probably experience the same, but on a larger scale, everywhere, every time.

So people who have no empathy don't realise it ? Omg ! That's scary

CandaceMarie that sounds like ASD to me.

Telling the truth doesn't cause lack of empathy, nor the other way around...

mmm... I have a feeling I tick your boxes for heartless bastard, OP.

My mother used to say that "codependency" was just a buzzword excuse for being a selfish git. Folk have different ideas about what is 'no empathy'.

People who are judged to have no empathy are often on the autistic spectrum. Many have plenty of empathy but they are not good at communicating which comes across as cold.
A close friend of mine is autistic, she can come out with some blindingly tactless & seemingly cold statements, yet she is loyal, honest, kind, completely without guile, will help anyone, and is always supportive IF IT IS EXPLAINED TO HER what is needed. She is very intelligent and often wants to discuss why something happened and how it could be avoided next time. That is her idea of helping and while terribly practical, is not exactly the hug/handhold that would be preferred.
People deal with things in different ways. I tend to discuss minor problems but keep the big ones - health, bereavement etc to myself because I find people’s sympathy leaves me less able to cope. It doesn’t make me wrong or scary or abnormal, just different from you.

well said, seniorschoolmum i agree completely that it not a question of being right or wrong, just different.

I have often come across people who claim to be very empathetic but if someone goes to them really needing help they will witter on about how emotionally draining they find that "someone".

i think true empathy is the ability to put oneself in someone elses's mocasins, as Atticus Finch would say. Being able to see another person's point of view as well as our own. not necessarily being sensitive or emotional or easily wounded.

i am a "sensitive" type and sometimes it gets in the way of me having empathy because my head is so stuck up my own arse of my overwhelming feelings. the real empaths i have met just try to see the other person and their needs and wants

do you realise how damaging your actions are? I think this applies to sitautions where people go out of their way to harm others.

but some people are low empathy and not particularly concerned with others yet do no real lasting damage. they just don't do much good either.

i had a friendwho was excessively needy and insecure to the point where i decided i would not immediately repsond to every text message she sent but would reply at my lesiure? was i being a selfish cow? yes, probably. was i lacking empathy? most definitely. But did i cause her lasting mental scarring??? No way. she might cry for a day or so but then she would forget and carry on. no way did i damage her. am sure i did not treat her well, but i doubt it harmed her.

I have problems with empathy. My ex psychologist told me several times that I don't get it right. However I recognise when I need to be empathetic and I try my hardest. I do feel empathetic towards animals though.

I was taught that empathy is about hearing the feelings behind and beneath what someone is saying, and then communicating your understanding about how that person is feeling back to them. My difficulty is I often miss the 'cues' and only really understand how the person was feeling about their issue when I reflect on it later. And then there are times when I can pick up on a person's feelings in 'real time' and indicate that I understand what they're feeling, but I often have to concentrate quite hard on lsitening to them in order to do that. It's not a skill that comes easily to me, so I wonder if I have much 'natural' empathy.

And then what about when you understand another person's point of view and feelings but feel that it's more important to put your own first, does that make you unempathic? I've got a bit of a ruthless streak in some ways, but I act it out less and less as I get older because I'm trying to be less selfish. On the other hand, that often means that others get what they need or want, and I don't. In our 'look out for number one' culture there's a lot of hypocrisy talked about the virtue of being empathic while people effectively tread on or ignore the needs of others in a power grab for their own needs, while conveniently labelling anyone who challenges their social or economic dominance as 'narcissistic'.

So I think we have to be clear what we mean by 'empathy' and really look at how a lack of real empathy might account for some of society's greatest injustices, often perpetrated or tacitly supported by those who spout a lot of bullshit about empathy.

Avun -my understanding of empathy is that you feel compassion towards a person who has been through something bad (affective empathy )and that you can put yourself in ones shoes to know what they are feeling and to try to understand them (cognitive empathy ) I am naturally good at this .