Afraid to tell DH

[Beba11]

Hi there,
I have been having CBT since February and have also recently been given propranolol by my GP as I suffer from anxiety. My anxiety is usually centred around decision making and always thinking I made the wrong one, especially for my children. I wonder whether decisions I make will ruin their lives. I lose sleep over it, I feel sick over it and it affects my day to day mood. Sometimes I wonder whether they are better off without me and how I don't want to deal with this anxiety anymore (these feelings are not often but there has been a few bad moments this year). I have been suggested by my doctor to go on a mindfulness course this September. It will be at a certain time that I have no option but to tell DH where I am going. I am really nervous about telling him as he is quite unsympathetic towards mental health issues. He works long hours, is going through a lot of stress at work plus his mother has just had major surgery. I feel this will totally worry and frustrate him and he will look at me as pathetic and weak. Because I am taking propranolol and now going on this course I feel maybe he should know about this? For medical reasons if for nothing else. What do you think?

Does your husband not know about the meds you take or the CBT you are going to?

Nope, He has no idea. I wanted to deal with it myself. Do you think that's wrong?

No you're not wrong keeping it to yourself. I'm having CBT currently for post natal anxiety and I've told no one.

You could say that you've taken up a new hobby/going to the gym. MH is a touchy subject it shouldn't be! But you have every right to want it to remain private. I'd find it difficult carrying out my therapists recommendations if anyone knew, it'd put me off doing them and that's helpful to no one!

Just tell him you're going to yoga or meditation classes. No need to tell him if you don't want to. It's your own business. My ex was unsympathetic too. Take all the medication you need, talk to sympathetic friends or get counselling, and do regular exercise x

Out of interest what decisions are you taking around your kids that worries you so much?

Also you could use the Headspace free app for mindfulness techniques. Or try YouTube

Mindfulness is totally mainstream now - it's an interest, personal growth. No need for concern over telling him. If you aren't sure just say it's for personal development or enjoyment.
Is it a retreat?

No I don't think it's wrong, it's a very personal decision to make about telling people about CBT etc and if he isn't very understanding either it will add to the stress and make things more difficult for you 😀

Thank you. No it isn't a retreat but a two hour course every week between 5-7pm. Between these hours I'll need him to be home for childcare so need a good reason for him to juggle work around

Ah yes I am on a similar one at the moment. I mean Inhavent told my H I am in therapy but I have told him I am in a mindfulness class - I don't see that as in the same category actually I see it as very useful modern day skill.
You can tell him you are starting a course to learn meditation?

Yes that could be a good idea. Do you mind me asking what your reasons are for not saying? I just feel that I'm doing something wrong by keeping it secret

Well it is rather personal isn't it- between oneself and the therapist who is there to analyse and treat symptoms and help the situation - telling him might mean he offered unsolicited advice, or he might tell someone, and as our relationship has broken down he might even use it against me in argument etc as he is not the most supportive person.

ILikePaperHats I worry about every decision in so much detail. I worry about the school I've chosen, whether I should split them or kept them together (they're twins), whether I am being a good mum, whether I tell them off too much, guilty for not being able to provide more etc...he list is endless

Do you work? Are you planning to? If so, you could tell him it's a course for work. Leadership or some such guff.

I do work but it's too late now as realised I can't lie to him and told him. He seemed concerned, and told me I should have said something...he then immediately tried to come in to me then got angry when I was acting frigid...don't know why I bother sometimes

*come on to me

Oh that's really not ok for him to get angry when you don't want sex. And his being unsympathetic to health issues is also a bad sign. Could you consider whether the stress he causes you contributes to your anxiety? Maybe post in relationships board about this?
I'm sorry things are so tough

Thanks GoldfishCrackers Sometimes he does cause my anxiety and frustration but it really depends on his mood. I have put him through a lot over the years, some quite bad things and he has always been there for me and handled it brilliantly. On the other hand when he is tired from work and has enough then he can be very blunt and harsh verbally. I just think he has had enough of my emotional drama (that's how he sees them anyway). I just don't understand how he was so sympathetic while I was telling him and seemed really concerned and then he suddenly started coming on to me for some strange reason. It was bizarre. Not what I needed at the time.