Do I need a trigger warning? Do you ever get over rape?

[Newnamefor]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place but I'm wondering if you think you ever get over being raped.
It was years ago now (and happened more than once) and I've had some counselling but it still bothers me. I can't keep any relationship going as I've stopped enjoying or wanting sex (and I've never told any partner) and I've now got to the point that i hardly leave the house as I get too scared of what might happen. I get nightmares too. Even fleeting suicidal thoughts (that's all though) as I'm sick of living like this.
After a thread the other day I have contacted rape crisis to see if it's worthwhile talking stuff over. I've yet for them to get back to me.
So, without wanting to bring up old memories for anyone else too much (please walk away if it's too hard for you - I don't want anyone else to feel worse) but do you think you can ever get over it?

I had EMDR therapy for rape which helped. I don't think you ever get over rape, the man that raped me was behind me in a queue 2 days ago and smirked hello, I wasn't scared and don't get me wrong I often dream about murdering him but I left with my head held high. It's had a detrimental affect on my mental health I have attempted suicide twice and have been left with ptsd but you can learn to deal with it. He raped you for control, take that control back and I really recommend EMDR if you can find it in your area. I honestly feel your pain and understand your concept of sex and relationships with men.

I can't believe you had to face him @cmblue and hats off to you for being the better person.
I'm really pleased to hear that something has helped you, even if not fully. I'm hoping that they don't know where I live as I'd absolutely hate to have to see them. I'd actually move away if I even got an inkling that they'd found me.
I can't see how I'm ever going to be able to move on, I hate that they have control but I can't seem to stop it. I'll look that up, thank you and thank you for replying.

Our kids go to the same school aswell, he has a lot of issues and took advantage, CID wanted me to go ahead and prosecute under no consent but I wasn't brave enough. I was a mess. You can honestly be strong enough to regain control but you need a lot of help, have you been to your doctors? Talking about it is hard really hard don't get me wrong but if you don't talk about it, it gets stored at the back of your brain as a trauma that won't process and it needs to be processed, I really hope there is support in your area, it's been 4 years and I'm still having councilling. Your doctor should have the correct facilities for you. But please don't give in.

Omg, I don't know how you deal with your kids going to the same school. Clearly all rapists have issues (they must have to do that?) but it sounds like it's more complicated in your case.
I did try prosecuting 1 person but he still got away with it. The sense of injustice is huge.
I did go to the doctors and got referred to the counsellor / therapist but after some sessions they basically said there was nothing more they could do as I find it too hard to talk about and I'd used up my allocated sessions. It was totally the wrong person and I didn't want her to know the details.
I don't want to be stuck like this though, I'm really not in the best place.
You have given me some hope that things can improve but I think I am in that state where things have got stuck being processed.
Do you think I can ask to go back and see someone else?
Thank you @cmblue

My belief is that everything changes afterwards (as with any major trauma), but people can continue to grow, evolve, etc. and have rich rewarding lives.

OP, I accidentally found your post here. Not many people will see it here.

I strongly recommend that you make the post on AIBU for traffic (with the trigger warning), and then you'll get more feedback from the community, from people's real experiences.

Please get all the support you can. You deserve it.

Basically, I think the topic is much too important to be hidden on less visited parts of the board.

I've seen elements of this discussed on feminism sections too I think, but again that's limited group that participate there.

Mine happened when I was 17, I'm 38 now and I can say it does get easier. I was same as you, couldn't maintain relationships etc but after lots of therapy, it's locked in a box, in a locked room down a long long corridor. Now it's just a memory and part of what made me what I am today. Stay strong xx

You never get over it.
It's always there in the back of your mind.
There are always triggers everywhere.
I drove past mine a couple of years ago. I had to stop the car as I had a full on hysterical panic attack.
Please see your Dr. I know it's hard but they put me in touch with a local sarac who were brilliant. Even now I can phone them up and within a couple of hours someone will ring me back and just go over a couple of things.
Good luck op. You are a survivor

@xmaspost is it worth reposting it or can I get it moved? (& do you know how please?).
Maybe you're right and it will change as opposed to 'get over'.
@combatbarbie I'm really sorry it's happened to you too. That sounds so positive, I can't imagine feeling like it's just a memory. It still feels raw, if that makes sense.
@bluelonerose I'm really sorry it's happened to you also. Yes I get panic attacks too, especially if I realise I'm not completely safe where I am. Who are sarac? I'll have a Google. I will go back but it'd be good to know what I'm asking for rather than just 'help me'. It's also good to know you have help.
Thank you for taking the time to post.

Just had a search and it looks like sarac are area specific, I'll have a search to see if there's anything similar near me. They look like a fantastic service.
@mnhq is it possible to move this to aibu please? I didn't realise not many look on this board. Thank you.

@Newnamefor ... rather than asking mnhq to move it, you could just repeat your original post on AIBU?

It's probably the most used forum, and I'm sure you'll get broader set of responses...some of which might be helpful/insightful for you. I've seen some great advice from community there over the years on a range of topics (some bad stuff too ... but it's the internet!).

Done. Thank you!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3317014--Trigger-warning-aibu-to-ask-if-you-ever-can-get-over-rape?watched=1&msgid=79706489#79706489