Self-harming

[Weary69]

Hi, I realise my issue is with a grown up child, but the concern remains the same. My 20 year old daughter is cutting her arm and I am very worried. She won't talk to me and seems to blame me for 'everything'. She clearly hates me and is constantly very rude to me. I am at the stage where I can't bear to be in my own home with her.I want to help her and don't know how. I am so worried that she will one day cut herself too much. She never goes out, has no friends and rarely even speaks to her 22 year old sister (who is away at uni). What should I do? How should I approach this? She is an adult so I can't really do much. Please help, thank you x

Poor you and poor daughter :(
I would definitely encourage you to seek professional advice, but don't let her push you away - even if she is awful to be around. She needs you.
Do you think she feels like she is in control of her life? I read something a while ago that said sometimes people self harm because they feel it is something they can control when they can't haven't got control of anything else. That may or may not apply to your daughter.

Thank you for responding kayakingmum.Whenever I've spoken to a doctor, they've just told me that there's nothing I/they can do unless she herself decides to do something about it. About a year ago (she wasn't cutting then as far as I'm aware) I persuaded her to go and speak to a doctor which she did. This resulted in her going to therapy and then stopping not long ago. However, I know that she went last week. I don't know who I am supposed to go to for advice. She has well and truly pushed me away. So much that I feel like a stranger in my own home. She parks herself in the dining room and god forbid I should ask her to do something (like clean up after herself in the kitchen - or any other little chores. I can't go on like this, and she certainly can't. But I don't know who to turn to hence why I came on here.

Oh dear. I'm sorry I don't know what to suggest. I can't believe there isn't anyone on here who can help. Is she close to her sister? Could you get her to talk to her?

Her sister has tried, but to no avail. She just won't talk to anyone.
Thank you so much for responding . I really appreciate it.

From someone who was in this position as a teenager please don't take it personally.

I had a very difficult few teenage years. Looking back I don't even know why I did it, out of anger maybe, to feel something, control?
It was always something I was ashamed of and didn't want people to know. I think generally struggling with emotions and day to day teenage life was a big factor.

My parents found out and took me to the doctors, sat me down and gave me a stern talking to, got cross, none of it helped. I think deep down I just felt very alone and unloved when in reality that wasn't the case at all.

It soon stopped, things got better and I have the best relationship with my parents now.

It is hard but try and talk and be as understanding as you can. Try and get to the bottom of what is causing it. I found talking to others in the same situation helped as I realised it wasn't just me feeling like that.

I very much doubt she hates you, if anything you are probably the one person she loves the most, even if she doesn't show it. You always hit out hardest at the ones you love because I know they will forgive you regardless. I hope everything works out for you both xx