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Anxiety worse when relaxing...surely it’s not meant to be like this?

13 replies

Busybeez123 · 22/07/2018 19:20

Have name changed for this.

I have suffered episodes of anxiety and depression from being a teenager. Have had medication and CBT.

I work full time in a very demanding pressurised job. Have small children and husband. People always say, “I don’t know how you do it all?” When people say, “your job must be so stressful?” I say, “it can be at times”, but to be honest it’s almost like I am too busy to be anxious. I can’t overthink things or worry, save unless something major happens and then I tend to get very low. There are however signs I’m stressed, bad skin, overweight and it’s all on my tummy. I also was investigated for chest pains, literally every test, and it was put down to stress.

My husband would say I am always on edge - permanently in flight or fight mode - don’t relax.

Currently on holiday. As always within a day or two I am ill - tonsillitis, but I soldiered on with painkillers. Went on active holiday. Now home for a few days and the anxiety is rising. Just the feeling of dread. Overly anxious about small things. Feel like I could cry.

It’s always like this. I now am in an unhealthy cycle thinking, well I better start doing some work, because I know that will distract me from my anxiety. It’s so confusing. In CBT I was taught distraction can be a good thing, but it feels like I’m ending up in a terrible cycle.

Any one suffer something similar, any advice? People often say give up your job, but when I had to take 3 months for ill health I had a massive anxiety episode and ended up on medication. Not that we could afford it, but I think that would cause more problems and not help.

OP posts:
Nogodsnomasters · 22/07/2018 22:03

I am the exact same. I can manage about 3 days off work before I start worrying/obsessing/panicking over something or other. My job makes me tired and a "normal" level of stressed so I do occasionally want breaks from it, but when I do take holidays like I said above, the first few days are fine but after that I start spiralling. I believe its to do with a) lack of routine and b) lack of distraction. I don't have any tips or anything as I just put up with it and I do recognise that it's happening so I try to stay as busy as possible after the first few days of relaxing, at the first sign of intrusive thoughts that's when I start planning day trips or gutting my house out or visiting family etc as a distraction. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone with this happening x

Condragulations · 22/07/2018 22:20

Yes it makes no sense to anyone but I can be facing a typical anxiety inducing situation (big test, interview, huge roller coaster, flight turbulence etc) and I’m not bothered in the slightest. Laying on the sofa with DH rubbing my foot watching tv right now and my heart is racing in my mouth and the impending doom is looming over me Confused

Busybeez123 · 23/07/2018 07:02

Thank you for sharing. It’s reassuring to know it’s not just me. It doesn’t help that I am married to the most relaxed man in the world and when I explain how I’m feeling he just looks bemused, and says, “is there someone you can see about that?”

OP posts:
OMGtwins · 23/07/2018 07:10

Try to dispassionately observe what's happening and let it pass. The physical feeling is your monkey brain with it's wires crossed and it'll calm down if you don't fight it. If there are particular thought patterns that are winding you up (seems like there are from your OP) try a book called Mind over Mood to help you break the cycle.

The physical feelings and thoughts feed each other and make the overall anxiety worse, so try to break the cycle by addressing one or the other. Try the headspace app too. It is possible to retrain your brain, and to let the physical sensations pass with practice. xx

Roystonv · 23/07/2018 07:19

Oh the "feeling of doom" sounds so familiar. I worked in a job I hated and which scared me for 15 years dreading every day. I retired 18 months ago and guess what, I am so sad, flat, no joy I cry nearly every morning and yet there is no reason whatsoever to feel like this. I am already on antidepressants but feeling a visit to the dr may be needed, So no words of wisdom but I do understand.

Busybeez123 · 23/07/2018 07:32

OMG thank you for that. I am going to order that book. I absolutely agree I’m in a cycle. I feel the physical sense of doom and then think, “on no there’s the sense of doom, I wonder what ultimately is underlying this (so is it I need to quit my job)” and get myself more anxious. It’s just exhausting. Will also look at the app.

OP posts:
Busybeez123 · 23/07/2018 07:33

Roystonv sorry to hear that and thank you for sharing. It does help me to know others feel similar.

OP posts:
chickensaresafehere · 23/07/2018 07:33

Anxiety can attack me at strange times,like yesterday,nice,chilled out day at home but my anxiety was raging,for no reason whatsoever Confused
I am on a waiting list for hypnotherapy for my anxiety. I have had counselling & CBT,which has made a massive difference to my depression & some aspects of my anxiety but I still suffer & I am hoping that it will help me get over this last hurdle.
I downloaded Pacifica app on my phone & find it quite helpful,also yoga & meditation.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 23/07/2018 07:35

CAn you listen to a pod cast? I bet they would help soothe your mind

Icantbelieve · 23/07/2018 07:38

I have this. Maternity leave was awful as I only had my own thoughts really where as work is a distraction. I have never medicated as I manage ok. My mother has medicated for years so this must run in our family

schmohawk · 23/07/2018 12:48

I'm like this too. Had a couple of meltdowns on what should have been a relaxing holiday recently. I often get anxiety around my relationship which really sucks as there's nothing massively wrong with it (or is there...). Like a pp said I cope well with things like turbulence and heights that stress others out, but looking for reasons behind my anxiety inside my own head...well, there I'm a mess. But at least I'm not alone, so thanks for sharing this.

Dr273 · 23/07/2018 13:14

Hey, I'm also like this. I find creating structured holidays, and having DIY projects or other creative or physically active hobbies allows me to "count" and "measure" the usefulness of my relaxation time and actually relax. I think over time I am gradually learning to enjoy free time and relaxation, so long as I'm not told to just chill out and do nothing! I've also started to enjoy occasional short walks now we have a job, because it's a chore, so I'm allowed to enjoy it and relax.

gower4 · 23/07/2018 13:19

I get this! And I always get vague chest pains when I am meant to be relaxing - been investigated a few times over 20 years and nothing shows up! Does anyone understand why anxiety gives you chest pains at rest?!

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