Feeling really low and depressed about the madeleine thing -advice please

[mumof2monsters]

Hi
I had pnd nearly four years ago when my little girl was born. 2 cut a long story short, my dad died of cancer when I was 4 months pregnant. I knew he was ill but never really believed he would die. Anyway when DD was born never bonded with her cause of my dad etc and all the emotion and bereavment I felt came out. I was eventually diagnosed afte about a year and was on medication for 2 years but have been better for about 1 1/2 years .
However all this stuff with the little girl madeleine mccann has made me feel really low, sad, tearful and depressed again. I cannot stop thinking about it and the little girl and seem obsessed with it all on the news. I cannot let my little girl out of my sight as she is the same age and feel like I need to be with her all the time.
I do not want to go on the tablets again but just feel so low about it all and am not sleeping very well. Any advice please....

terrible things do happen. life is sometimes risky. but such an awful event is a million to one chance. it wont be anymore likely to happen to your little girl tomorrow than it was likely to happen to her last month.
if this is really upsetting you maybe you would be better to avoid the news about it so as not to dwell on it so much?

Wanting to protect your dd is normal, regardless of what is happening in the news.

Don't try to stress over it too much. There are lots of people doing lots of work to find her.

You are best looking after your own dd and enjoying your time with her.

Have you had any bereavement counselling at all?

sorry to hear that you feel so low. I think you should visit your GP or do you have a CPN? Agree that maybe you should stay away from the news and concentrate on your own little girl who needs her mummy to be happy.

I sincerely hope you feel lots better soon, you have had a tough couple of years

Hi everyone

Thanks for that. Did have some counselling a few years ago and it did help a bit. Just don't know why I feel like this really. I know that my DD is ok and it will not happen to her but its just hard because obviously being a mother you can imagine how you would feel if it happened to you.
I agree that maybe I should avoid news coverage which is difficult as want to switch on the news and hear something good. Need to realise that I am really lucky as I have DS and DD and they are great kids. Not sure it is just the madeleine thing but if I don't feel better next week may visit GP, just do not want to go back on medication.
Thanks again everyone for your advice

Your DD must be the same age as Madeleine. I know things in the news that happen to other people affect you so much when you have a DC the same age. My DS has just turned four; he's a couple of weeks older than Madeleine. It's so easy to imagine if it was your own child was missing, and imagine how you would feel.
You ae not alone in feeling like this. There have been several posters on MN who have found a need to talk about this event, but have then been ridiculed for doing so. I think it would be good if you could talk through what you have been through, and how you feel now. It can be difficult to find someone in RL to listen to you. Many GP's can refere you to a counciler. I think it might be worth asking to see one.

It's bloody hard isn't it, pictures of her EVERYWHERE (can't help thinking it's v unlikely she's not in the UK so what's the point.) She is the spit of my DD and it's really upsetting me too.
However, if it's really getting in the way of you living your life you ought to chat to your GP. Sometimes just having a health professional agree that you sound in a bad way helps to lighten the load.
In the meantime you sound a very imaginative kind of person the way you are putting yourself in the story, try and get yourself immersed in some good books, put your mind elsewhere . Terry Pratchett always works for me when I'm down - common sense, wicked humour and optimism. Hope that doesn't sound patronising - escapism can be great!

Thanks lynette scarvo (great name) and Bod
Yes it is hard as my DD is nearly the same age and she looks a little like madeleine but agree I need to focus myself elsewhere with my own kids. This sounds horrid but don't think it would have affected me as much if I did not have a DD of my own. I think mothers feel it more than fathers. I have wanted to talk about it on here but others have and yes they have been ridiculed. I was on one thred last week and some of the comments were disgusting so decided to keep off it.
Just wanted to say how I felt and hope that someone understood. Have tried to talk to hubby but not sure he understands or feels the same. I will visit the gp as not sure it is just the madeleine thing. Also will try and get myself ensconsed in a book and spend time with Ds and DD.
THanks for listening XX

I haven't brought this up anywhere, but one of the reasons I have completely avoided the subject here (and in RL) is that the poor child's mother was a GP at my local surgery. The town is hysterical, we can't move for ribbons, and when I go to my councellor I have to try not to look around me, as the councelling is at the surgery and there are ribbons, teddies and that little girls face everywhere.

I know it might be considered sticking my head in the sand, but I have to. I'd go nuts if I let myself think about how she was taken.

PS - I also have a four year old - a boy, but still. His birthday was just before hers. They could have gone to playgroups together - I wouldn't know. It's heart breaking.

Hey colditz
Thats awful that it is your hometown. I am driving myself nuts about this. I wake up thinking about it and go to bed thinking about it and feel sick when I think about it although I try not to. Today I saw the mobile phone pictures on a newspaper at work and cried. I don't know why this has affected me so much. It 's as if it has happened to me which thank god it has not. I feel like I am going mad and feel so low and depressed.

People get like this over lots of things. I think some therapy might help via your GPs.

Just glad to hear that you all do not think that I am going mad. I just felt worried because all the feelings that I had a few years back with the depression crying, feeling lonely, panic attacks, trouble sleeping etc seemed to be coming back and I did not want to feel like that again. Still not sure what has made me feel like that apart from the madeleine thing but have a lovely DH who is very supportive and am trying to make myself realise how good my life is and my family is.

Hi, I read this, went to Tesco, had a think about it and have come back to post. I am not depressed and neither have I recently been bereaved but what has happened to Madeleine McCann has really got to me too. Not to the extent that I can't sleep but I know I cannot watch the news or read threads about it as it's all so horrific. My dd is a bit younger but is also a 3yo girl so I just wanted to say that you're not alone in finding it all terrifying and awful. I hope your gp can offer you some counselling or anti depressants again if that's what you need. But feeling this way may not mean you're depressed (or maybe I am too)

I think it's normal to have a liitle cry. I have a dd a week older than Madeleine and another dd 6 months old. Lately I've hugged them and had a tear sometimes thinking of what's happened. It's natural I think.

Reminds me of Woody Allen's 'Radio Days' when the dad stops chastising his little boy and hugs him close as he hears the radio news about another little boy who is trapped down a well.

Best to avoid the news etc. as much as possible and get on with RL. Everyone's waiting for a resolution, but unfortunately that could even be years off - think of Ben Needham, still unresolved.

These things are rare - you cannot learn anything from it to protect your own child. As long as there are people sick enough to do it, it will happen once in a blue moon.

It might be worth pursuing a short course of counselling, just so you can talk anout how you're feeling - possibly even a helpline like parentline or something?

This story is one which has affected everyone (you only have to look at the strength of feeling of many posters on MN threads to see that). I find myself trying to avoid reading too much, also adopting the head in the sand approach.

It is an awful story and will make you sad if you dwell on it. Try to focus on what you have - a lovely daughter - and not on really tiny risks. The reality is that the chances of your child being taken from you in this way (or any other way for that matter) are virtually non-existent. Just don't let this story make you miss out on enjoying time with your daughter. That's not fair on either of you. Perhaps you could make sure that you are busy doing fun things together for a few days, to help you focus on some positives?

I hope you feel better soon.

Hi WWW
Thanks for that glad that you understand. Was not sure if I was heading for depression again or if it was just the whole news thing getting to me. Have to admit been thinking about it all the time and thought to myself maybe that is not normal but felt too embarrassed to speak to friends about it. Will try and avoid news coverage and see how I feel in a few days. I think it is worse if you are a woman and a mum. Some of my single friends without kids do not seem so emotional about the whole thing.

Your are not alone, I have recently suffered a bereavement, (my Dad died last month) and I am feeling down, if not depressed.

The death of my Dad has led to a crisis of faith for me, a Christian and the abduction of Madeleine McCann has moved me deeply. I have a blonde haired little girl the same age and I cannot get her out of my mind.

Really doubting God at the moment, all these prayers for this little girl and nothing.

And please don't give me the old "God gave us free will" argument.

Keep checking the news, praying and hoping for good news....

Hi Minthemo

I know how you feel and even tho I lost my dad nearly four years ago you accept and try to move on but it is very hard. I am not really religious but I felt "if there is a god" and the same goes for madeleine. Today I prayed to god and said please please let her be found and nothing. It does make you feel that you lose faith.
All I can say to you is try not to bottle up your feelings regarding your dad because I did that and on top of losing him and having a baby my head was everywhere and I bottled up my feelings and my life just fell apart. Fortunately for me I have a wonderful DH who has been great. Talk to someone preferably someone outside of your family so they can listen and be impartial to how you feel. If ever you want to talk you can talk to me and I would be happy for you to email me if you wanted to but chin up and think of happy times with your dad, thats what I try to do. As far as the madeleine thing goes I am going to try avoiding the coverage for the next week or so.

I agree with Xenia. Some counselling/therapy may help.