Delayed post natal depression?

[Macaronibaloni]

I have a 9 month old and have been fine up until recently. The past 2 weeks been having a few emotional breakdowns, feelings of not coping and negative thoughts and dreams (usually about DD dying in sleep or DP cheating or leaving).

Have had a couple of anxiety attacks as well worst one being tonight - I thought I was having a heart attack and came from no where think it was because I was home alone (even though DD was asleep upstairs) has anyone else experienced similar? Could it be a bit of delayed post natal depression?

Thinking of going to the doctors but don't like the idea of being on any medication and how do you even start the conversation with your doctor?! Just go in and say hey there I'm depressed? I've never had to do anything like that before. Sounds silly but if I am depressed does that mean they will think I'm not capable of looking after DD?

Hello Macaroni, really feel for you. You should know that this happens a lot you will definitely not be the first the gp has encountered. I have three DC and first went to the gp about depression when my youngest was 12minths.
It can be hard to know what to say but yes “I’m depressed” is a good start. I’ve had to do this a few times over the years and I always seem to laugh/smile at the time! It’s out of nervousness I think but the doctors are used to that.
They might not suggest medications straight away, there are lots of other things you can try first.
And in terms of being able to look after your baby, the fact that you are able to realise this about yourself, and take action, will show them how strong you are. As mothers we are able to cope with incredible amounts of stress and anxiety and still put our kids first.
I have taken two medicationd(separated by years) and done quite a bit of therapy. Feel free to ask me anything if it will help you.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me! I think that will be my best route just not coping and feel this constant sense of dread. I want to be a happy mum for my baby not someone who doesn't want to leave the house which is how I feel today!

Woke up feeling anxious today it's crippling I can't pin point why I'm feeling like this either so that's making me worse.

How did you get around to therapy I think I could benefit talking to someone without being judged about my feelings and thoughts. Did your GP refer you to something? Did you find therapy or the medication more helpful? X

Sorry for delayed reply. Hope you’re having a good day.
Therapy from referral from GP. If you can, I’d ask for a therapist who is likely to be into actions, like what can you do each day to feel a bit better. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) also helped. I had one therapist who I found very wishy washy and that wasn’t helpful.
CBT is about reframing thoughts to stop the downward spiral of negativity and to eventually mean you have fewer negative thoughts. It’s a good exercise and I still use those skills.
I was lucky to have a great GP- again, very practical- who suggested simple things like taking an hour or two to go for coffee with friends without baby, going for plenty of walks, etc.
I took the second round of SSRIs for anxiety and they did help. I really didn’t want to take them but I read about the fact that sometimes the brain chemicals can take a long time to get back to normal when you’re anxious and the medication helps with that.
About being a happy mum- obviously you’re right to want that for both your sakes, but don’t put pressure on yourself to be a happy bubbly persona all the time. It’s normal to have slight ups and downs in feelings and it’s ok for children to see that. My therapist said that to me and it’s always stuck with me.
Having a baby is mentally and physically exhausting, you’re so right to seek help.