bonded with son straight away but didnt with daughter feeling really guilty.

[lins1uk]

hello all,
i had very bad depression when my daughter was born 3 years ago and didnt feel i bonded with her like i should have,
i have bonded with her now and love her so much but i dont feel as close to her as i should be if you know what i mean ??
anyway i have a son hes 9 weeks old and we have bonded instantly i felt the bond straight away and i feel so guilty because i didnt feel this with my daughter from birth,
i havent really thought about it until recently and feel really bad about it,
does any1 else feel the same and how do u get over the guilt ????

you realise you are a good mum and you have bonded and you can't change the past.

maybe it is something to do with your daughter being the first born and it was a total unknown and with your second child you know what to expect. what gave me the greatest pleasure was to see how the oldest child reacts and shows so much love for the second child

Since he's only 9wks old I'm going to ask this - are you absolutely sure the guilt feeling isn't distracting/concealing the onset of PND? Just had to check. You have to focus on the rest of your life now, visualise the fun you will have with them both as they grow up.
I didn't really bond with my 2nd child but kept up a good show I think. He was unplanned and too soon after a traumatic birth and he's a 'funny' kid (honest, he is)so it's been hard for both me and DH to bond with him really. It's only been the last few months since he turned 2 and his personality is developing more that I am feeling the way I feel I should, likewise DH.

Don't feel as though there is any "should" about being a parent!!! Such a thing doesn't exist. I have only one child, and thanks to a traumatic birth/recovery I know I haven't bonded well at all. I also feel that guilt, but as long as you are doing all you can and caring for your little one, there is no reason to feel guilty.

Getting over the guilt is about realising that you haven't done anything wrong, and that your daughter is fine, healthy, supported, well cared for and loved

I bonded better with my 2nd baby. Why? God knows, I just did. I just love her but I love my son as well. It just took that little bit longer to get there.