What do you do when you feel you are losing it?

[oopset]

If the children hadn't been there I know I would have wacked DH around the head with a tray this morning. Have felt tense and at breaking point, feel I could snap, lose it and lash out at the kids.[]
They are great kids, I am a good Mum.
But the thought of half term makes me want to run away. I have 3 boys under 5 and no car. The oldest two won't stop fighting, I have tried everything, everything.
In my head I have imagined hitting them around the head. I am scared I may do it if they continue this way.

DS3 is 7 months and I am weaning him so I suspect because he is cutting down bf my hormones may be all over the place and making me stressed.

What do I do?

sending you a big hug. so sorry life is tonk for you atm. In your shoes I would try not to be alone too much - can you organise for someone to come and spend the day with you with their kids if you can't travel? I find this really helps me. Or can you do any trips on public transport? (I know this could be a non starter, but my 3 are under 5 too, and are good on the bus and train). This is all short term stuff, but it does sound like you may benefit from talking to gp or hv too for longer term help.

Message withdrawn

I think the advice about getting out is good. When I am feeling like I am losing it, I get the boys bikes out, strap DD in her pushchair and head for the nearest park. We also spend alot of time visiting museums when it's raining. Going on public transport can be better than in the car, as it takes longer and there are more distractions although try to avoid rush hour times.

You are going through a difficult stage and anyone would find it a challenge. It won't be like this forever and the oldest will be back at school soon. Anyway it maybe easier than you imagine. I find if I fear the worst about school holidays I am often pleasantly surprised.

Remember you are a good Mum and you have lovely DC

Hi Oopset - I have 3 boys too so understand a little of the madness that are going through. they make you laugh one moment and cry the next!
you may be right regarding the bf, it produces the happy hormones that can help you feel calm. would you stillbe happy to continue feeding your ds3 say 2/3 times a day as it may help both of you.
i am an only child so since having 3 very active boys it has turned my life upside down with the energy and the battles they sometimes have. have you read 'siblings without rivalry' by faber mazlish?
one of their other books is getting lots of positive threads on mn at the moment (how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk) their website is www.fabermazlish.com very american but brilliant advice - rather like learning a new language but truly life changing book. if interested beg your dh to read it too so you are both trying to work from the same angle.
another thought is i have found that helps is to focus on what they can do rather than what they can't - so if ds3 kicks ds2 rather than end up saying don't i try saying we don't kick people, you can kick a ball or a balloon - shall we find a ball? etc.
the exhaustion that can come from looking after 3 children and being at the mercy of their emotions. part of me each day really struggles to get out of the door - part of me doesn't want to, i want to read a book, listen to the radio, sleep, sleep sleep. but i know its futile, being at home all day when all 3 are at home is more tiring than going out.
my boys are happiest when they are as close to nature as possible and the more hands on the better - i took them to the aquarium last week and they got bored because they couldn't climb into the tank and be a fish! so the next day i took them to the beach and they were so happy, finding shells, crabs, splashing, drawing pictures in the sand etc. and it cost nothing. i have learnt to travel light - i bought one of those walking/cycling drinking pouches with a long tube and valve that they all share. loads of bananas, apples to keept them going. other successful days out have been in the woods making dens/leaf mountains or down to the river with nets. please try being kind to yourself your ds3 is only 7 months, you are doing an amazing job of looking after 3 little people. i have recently realised if i am happy they are happy - for so long i thought it was the other way around.
you could try asking them for a wish list for the week - where would they want to go? each boy gets to be the leader for the day, could you coincide it with visit to grandparents and drop off ds3 with them so you are hands free to play with the older two for a while.
depending on finances could you buy ready meals for the week so you get to play with them? i have been doing this recently as with all the preparation and feeding was keeping me in the kitchen 5 hours a day = right miserable bugger.
do they like getting involved with ds3? could you get them more into helping you by getting them more hands on with him - say at helping change a nappy or bath time. it may improve the older one's relationship if they are both working together on something. loads of encouragement from you saying how gentle they are being and see how much ds3 is smiling as you are helping get him dry etc.
is your dh helping you enough?

Wow! What great ideas, thankyou.

I do fall into the trap of not being brave enough to venture out, but then when I get out we have loads of fun. And it's hard to invite friends around too because I have to be brave to attempt refereeing/tidying up etc. And lots of my friends have gone back to work now as their children are older.

I have tried to devise a plan for the week. We have just been playing frog in a pan (throwing a frog in a pan and seeing how far away you can get!) and I think I just have to focus on giving the kids attention and organising things rather than trying to get things done/think about what I could, should be doing. Have organised bus to baby clinic, park....not brave enough to go to the woods on my own with them though yet!

Feeling a bit better about things today. btw, I am still breastfeeding 5+ times a day, as and when DS3 wants it so I can't really up it, wish I could though. I def get the sereneness that comes with bf.

Am going to look for the book. I have 'How to talk' and I agree it is fab, really good.

Thankyou
xx

Hi Oopset,

I have just read 'Happy Children through positive parenting' Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer having seen it recommended on MN. It's worth a read, mainly because many of the things she talks about you will already be doing, and it will give a boost to your self-esteem.
I think you sound like a great Mum