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Trigger warning: Help me understand if this was abuse?

8 replies

Bananaramaboat123 · 09/07/2018 17:36

Sorry if this isn't quite the right place or most suitable.

Trigger warning

Memories...

Age 3-4 I remember early morning in bed, my labia hurt, very sore, pain down there.

4-5 My dad is in my bed, it's a small double I shared with my sister, I'm scared of the dark, scared of the dark, scared of monsters. But I am not nor ever have been scared if the dark.

4-5 I remember lying face down in bed, pulling my PJ bottoms and knickers down to my ankles, and thrusting under the covers, I knew something could go inside between my legs.

8 yr old, started developing breasts, he washes me in the shower once. I have a non identical twin who said he never washed her.

13-14 tells me about his sex life with my mum (or lack of it), his problem with porn and masterbation, and told me that when he was a child he rested his penis on an older girls vagina.

14-15 a few times I needed help on the computer, he would leam over me, no shirt on and press his belly/body onto my back, both arms around and over mine and lean his full weight into me and grind sightly

14-16 Obsessed with who I chatted to on MSN, deleted males, pretended to be me when speaking to them, listened in to phone calls.

Should also add I told/hinted at/intimated about things to my grandmother (his mum) and she told him, he said I was lying and hit me.

I began comfort eating and by age 11 i weighed 11 stone. Things stopped as I gained weight, but sort of started when I lost weight and then stopped when I regained weight.

I've had issues with panic attacks and depression since 14, IBS, I'm a shy introverted person but extremely cautious, don't feel at ease or trust others.

I felt like a freak, outcast, not normal, why can't I just be normal/fit in, what's wrong with me?

I felt shame and guilt and worried that if someone liked me then when they found out the real me or the truth about me or my evil secret then they would hate me or not like me. I'd be scared to open up and let people in, scared of rejection but desperately lonely and lost. I'd have to pretend to be happy and wear a mask but inside I was screaming and dying inside.

I'm happily married to a wonderful man we have a beautiful son, I've lost weight and have a bmi of 22, I've not had a proper panic attack for 3 years, no IBS or depression and turned my life around but there is still this block which I wish I could physically remove or shake out of me.

OP posts:
Bananaramaboat123 · 09/07/2018 17:47

Edit: I also feel very self conscious, always cover my body up even when hot, I dread the dentist, optician, doctor and midwife appointments because of poking, proding and general invading of my personal space. I weirdly felt violated after childbirth.

OP posts:
Cutyourshakehole · 10/07/2018 00:16

Yes 100% abuse. I was expecting sketchy details but this seems very clear. I’m so sorry

HollowTalk · 10/07/2018 00:18

I think you really need professional help with this, OP. What happened to you was clearly abuse and no wonder you've had problems since.

Flowers
Gingernaut · 10/07/2018 00:21

www.reddit.com/r/adultsurvivors/comments/8xd3fc/help_me_make_sense/

This exact post is on Reddit.

This post has also appeared on AIBU too. Confused

HollowTalk · 10/07/2018 00:30

I'll report it just in case.

Bananaramaboat123 · 10/07/2018 04:20

I posted on reddit on a group to help me understand. I told someone recently in RL and they said I had to be sure as it was dangerous what I was saying. They said they weren't sure if it was abuse and I wanted an outsiders perspective as I'm worried no one will believe me. I just thought of these things as nornal and part of my life, until I've remembered more and I'm really straggling. And seeing how awful/wrong they were has really made me realise and understand a lot about myself. For years I have felt like a failure, I could never do anything right. I was utterly worthless, I had trust issues and would not let anyone in. Dh tore some of these down and that was so scary, overwhelming and numbing for me. For years I've never understood why I was the way that I am. My construct of reality is warped to the point I overreact, shut people out, constantly worry, have ocd cleaning/organizational tenencies. I'm at a point now where I just want it to stop. And working out what has caused this is a starting point.

OP posts:
Ellafruit1 · 10/07/2018 04:32

Head over to www.havoca.org/ and join the forum, you’ll get lots of good advice and a safe space to talk about it all.

Bananaramaboat123 · 10/07/2018 05:38

Thank you, this looks like a great website.

OP posts:
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