Social anxiety anger hate picking son up from school

[lazyminimoo]

Hi I know this is something others have felt like too an they want to be able to talk to the parents around but i just dont want to talk to anyone, I feel a bit angry an anxious while waiting for son to come out, its so busy and im not even sure where your meant to stand, there is no queue which is so annoying, everyone chatting around me , I hate it that they might think Im sad about being alone but im not sad I just dont want to care what anyone else might think, I feel to nervous to change positions an move forward walk around when the ppl can see me, I know i look grumpy an sad probably, I dont care really if i look sad but then i do care I just cant help caring , any way to not give a damn? I hate feeling self consious and I dont want to talk to ppl so if someone iv even spoke to before looks my way ill look away, I dont want to talk I hate small talk even with people like my family, but I hate feeling so abnormal when Im in these situaitons, just wish I had some way to ignore the people around me an not care how i look,, looking on my phone dont work, noone else looks on their phones so i feel bad if i do that

No one in the school playground will be giving any flying fucks about where you stand, if you look at your phone etc. Honestly, people are absorbed in there own lives, too busy to notice a random.

Would you like to not feel that way? If so then speaking to your doctor would be a good place to start.

No one particularly cares tbh. Play on your phone as a distraction. Just stand somewhere where the teacher/child can see you.
You could try arriving a few minutes later. I do because of work and I can't remember the last time I said more than a running hello.
Tbh parents in the playground are easy to ignore/avoid, just keep in mind that it might affect your DS's social life.

Have you tried making conversation with someone? I actually think some of the parents at my child's school are really good to talk to, and most of the time they share the same views as me. And when I'm having a shit day, they ask if I'm ok and vice versa, it's a nice little release sometimes. I understand what you mean about being too nervous to move around etc as I felt exactly that, until I actually made a conscious effort to say hello etc ☺

Where is the anger coming from?

Do you know what, I have a few friends at the school gates, will speak to people etc and see people from school socially sometimes, and I still feel the same way you do sometimes because of social anxiety, especially in the mornings. I find myself getting to school late because I just don't want to stand and chat to people, I hate the whole 'who to stand with', and generally find it stressful which is silly for such a simple thing!

I think it's probably actually really common.

Often people at the school gates may have close friends there- in my area often they have grown up locally attending local schools themselves so it's easy for them to have someone to speak to.
It's not so easy when you have no one to speak to.
I would start by recognising that you feel uncomfortable and it's an insecurity feeling, which we all experience sometimes and it's ok. Try to let go of the anger - remember we are all human and others may be having a bad day too. Try to smile and appear confident while working on making small talk with others. Arrive early and stand in the place you feel most comfortable and where approachable people are. It's ok not to speak to anyone, but it's nice if you do get that opportunity on a light level. Look approachable.
Sorry you feel this way but it can improve- the school gates are very insecurity inducing.

As others said, people really are too self absorbed, no one is paying you any more attention that a fleeting glance.

But your reaction isn't normal. To be angry and worry about your facial expressions, to not even want to look at your phone if others aren't.

The phone thing makes me think you want to fit in. Is the anger because you feel you don't and can't? So you're angry and sad with youtself.

Is it just the school run or does your behaviour extend to other areas of your life?

Hi!

I’m sorry it’s a rubbish experience for you I’ve had anxiety in the past and it sucks, makes you feel knackered over nothing and it’s just bloody tiring!

One thing I found, is that it helps to know that in that crowd there are lots of people... and statistically, it’s true that lots of those will be going through shit of their own. Some are good at hiding it! But one will have had a terrible day, one might be worried about their marriage, one will be thinking of money problems... it goes on.

Don’t feel you’re alone in having anxious thoughts. You’re not alone. There might be someone feeling just the same way, standing just next to you.

You don’t have to justify how you feel to anyone. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Look at your phone! For all people know, you’re arranging child care or messaging an ill family member or arranging a work shift. You’re just busy :)

Another thing I found helps... I’m short sighted, and I use that as an excuse to not make eye contact (I don’t always like making eye contact). If you need glasses too then leave them at home (or after your car drive!), means you don’t see anyone :)

Like FissionChips says - you don't have to feel this way. This level of anxiety is quite intense, is it affecting other things in your life, and/or your son's life?

If so then I really think it's a good idea to speak with your GP about some support, there are options out there from counselling to CBT to groups to medication and getting help has changed the lives of many of the people on this forum.

Ya I have always had a problem with being scared of people or having to talk to people, I tried CBT before and then the lady went on maternity leave, But have had alot other problems worse then the anxiety and going to try again with cbt or something else feels maybe futile in a way, Its not just anxiety that gets me I genuinely dont want to talk to people in general that much anyway, which makes me feel rather weird, I struggle with talking to family an get nervous about meeting them so I feel no wish to stress myself more by trying to make friends or chat an stuff with school parents , everything with socialising ends with me feeling stressed and if I make plans to meet anyone normally I feel like cancelling so Iv stopped seeing anyone as I realised its not worth it trying to have friends an be chatty when thats not how I am , but ya i do feel a bit angry all because im unhappy generally, so cant make friends or chat to ppl at school gates when I dont think i could think of anythin to say, I try to just avoid all anxiety inducing activities but cant not take son to school which I wish I could , sad thing is someone ointed out it will affect my son,, I wish it wouldnt but dont think I can change

Things can change - depression can cause you not to believe it though. Please go to the GP, for your sake or if that is not enough, then go for your son's sake. This is going to massively overshadow both of your lives if you let things go as they are, but you are strong and are already working so hard to do the right thing for him - if you just pick up the phone and make the appointment you will already be closer to getting the support you beed

I think definitely have a chat with your GP. Tell them just as you’ve said here - tell them if the anxiety is constant or up and down, tell them how bad it can get. If you feel antisocial tell them that too - that could be depression or something else.

If you were ill with anything else, flu or something, you’d get that seen to - so do try and treat this just as much.

Will you get back to us about how the doctor goes? I go through the same stuff so it’d be really handy having an update! Hope all goes well

Well to be honest, you can seek help. If not for you, then for your son. Talk to your gp as others have said. It's worth a shot, you don't need to be unhappy and it will impact him growing up. I'm sorry. So see your gp and see if you can do anything to improve your mental health.

Just tell them what you've said on here, life shouldn't be this much of a struggle.

You can always right down what you wish to say ans hand it over to the doctor if that’s easier for you.

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Are you all waiting to go in or for children to go out?

I hate school drop offs and pick ups. Especially the pick ups because I get to school 25 mins early so I can avoid the high school brats who get on the bus. I avoid people, stand away from them, play on my phone till my kids come out then walk quickly away when I've got them. But if someone talks to me I won't ignore them. I just prefer to avoid people, the small talk. I'm a loner so I'm used to it.

A couple off months ago I was depressed I couldn't stand picking my daughter up from school the other mums where so loud and intense i just went into my shell I was extremely anxious and nervous and had major panic attack's due to a sudden bereavement ...... one day I just thought enough is enough I need to start speaking to other mums or I'm always going to be a outsider and even tho u feel like u don't want to interact or to nervous too deep down who really wants to be a outsider?? So I went to the doctors they gave AD and gradually I started to feel so much better and one day I just started to talk to some off the mums and now going to dd school isn't a major problem for me anymore .....hope I'm some way this helps