Loosing the will

[twinky06]

Hello everyone,

I've come on here today as I am really just struggling and need to vent. I hope someone here will understand, even if just the tiniest bit.

Life has been pretty crappy for me over the years but i've always tried to just get on with stuff and not feel sorry for myself. But the truth is, I am sensitive, I am a deep thinker, I do care too much and I am someone that will put other peoples needs above my own.

I've spent years having family issues, relationship issues, health issues and overworking myself to try and support my family. All I have ever got in return is grief and an unfaithful husband.

I feel like I give every bit of myself and it's never enough, it's all a waste of time.

I literally feel so tired, so drained and like I just can't be bothered with anything anymore. Everyday getting out of bed is a mission.

It's clear to me that I am depressed, I have been to a doctor who just put me on tablets. I stopped taking the tablets as they just made me worse, I just slept all the time and couldn't get anything done.

I am currently in a rut where I feel utterly miserable but I can't get out of the situation I am in... not yet anyway. I need money which means I have to work alot, but I feel depressed so I am not productive, then I get behind on work which makes the stress levels higher. It's just never ending.

I know no one can make my life better for me. But if anyone has felt like this and managed to turn themselves around, I would love to hear from you.

I should probably add that I am experiencing physical symptoms too such as panic attacks (couldn't breath), feeling faint, nausea, nervous twitches, awful headaches.

My body is obviously trying to tell me something and I feel like if I don't do something soon, I am going to have some sort of breakdown.

Have you tried counselling? Ask your gp to be referred and tell them you want to come off the medication. Meditation would be worth a shot too, you can just check out a few videos on YouTube, find one you like, take 15 quiet minutes and do as the person on the video says. You need to be consistent with it, it will help with the physical symptoms too. Are you getting the right amount of sleep (that includes not oversleeping), are you drinking enough water, are you going outside into nature enough (a walk in the park with headphones in, a book in the back garden). You need to make "mental wellbeing time" a priority in your schedule. I'm sorry for all the things you have been through but try not to dwell on those events, they are gone now and can't be changed, all you can do is live in the present and try to make that present the best as you can.

Thanks for your message.

I think the problem is mostly the fact I am still in the situation... and can't get out of it until I sell my house.

Could be psychological abuse have you heard of narcissistic abuse

I just looked this up at is does seem it might be something I've been experiencing yes.

That's the thing, I love his dearly and have always done all the hard work to try and fix things but the truth is... no matter what he has done, everything is put back on me and my fault.

There's times were he's lovely and I remember the man I fell for. However it doesn't usually last long and the horrible man comes back again.

Life really has been a rollercoaster and I'm ready to get off.