I hate Bipolar

[Brendatheblender]

Fed up with it all now, it’s been 17 years, more than half my life, since it first began. I had a good 5 years with no symptoms and no medication. Then, BAM, I’m back here again.

I don’t want this to be my life anymore. I don’t even know why I’m upset half the time. I self medicate as I don’t want to feel anything anymore.

I’ve been waiting since April to see a psychiatrist but can’t get an appointment until October so I’m getting by on medication that’s probably not suitable.

I’m not sure why I’m posting this but I have no one to talk to in RL that understands and it feels better to get the words out of my head,

That sounds really hard OP.

I have no experience of bipolar but like lots of others on here, I'm happy to listen to you. So post away if it helps

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply.

I don’t want this for the rest of my life, I don’t want this for my kids, they deserve so much more than I can offer them.

I’m fed up of apologising for how bipolar effects me and others around me.

It’s just fucking shit.

How is it making you act?

October is way away, sorry it's taking so long :(

Children can be incredibly resilient and understanding, maybe have a brief chat with them and say you're not well at present but it isn't their fault

What medication are you on, OP? Is it an antidepressant alone, or a mood stabiliser? Surely your GP can review your meds and change them if required, without waiting until October? Also, do you have a CPN, who may be able to speed up your referral, or an open access psych unit where you can simply walk in without referral and be assessed immediately? Not all towns have them, but there should be one in your nearest city. We have an excellent one in Edinburgh.

Hand hold.

I hate it too.

A friend sent me this and it really resonated with me

www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jun/30/nothing-like-broken-leg-mental-health-conversation?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Op

What changed after those five years? I’m sure you’ve looked for the link but was it medication or similar?

Hi, I have bipolar too, and right now I'm having a depressive episode. It truly sucks. I feel for you, and I'm sending you warm hugs.

Sorry for the late reply.

I’ve had my DCs in the last 5 years and went through a traumatic time during pregnancy with DC1 which I know is the route cause of it all.

I am currently on citalopram. My GP did change it to fluexontine but this sent my moods way out which is a common side effect of it with people with bipolar so now he won’t touch my medication and wants it dealt with by a psychiatrist.

I’m open to try anything that will help, I’ve even ordered some healing crystals!

Sorry you are also going through a tough time at present Piano. You aren’t alone

Me too. Makes life a real challenge that sometimes I just don't want to accept!

tangledzebra: that article was really good. Voiced my thoughts after living with mental illness for more than 40 years.

I’m really struggling today. Suicidal thoughts are overwhelming and I feel like I need to be in hospital for my own safety.

I’ve reached out to DM for help and I’m waiting to hear back from her. DP has reached breaking point with me and has no tolerance for me when I’m like this.

I was detained under the mental health act last night. Was released in the early hours of this morning.

I feel so drained and empty.

Here is a hug from me

Thank you Piano. How are you feeling?

Today I'm feeling a little better, but I have no idea about how I'll feel tomorrow. I hope you are feeling better

Glad you are feeling a bit better. Sometimes you have to take each day as it comes and allow yourself your shit days. Do you have support around you?

I’m a bit better thank you. The only way to describe how I feel is like a deflated balloon if that makes sense? Would like to spend my days in bed at the minute but I’ve had to get up and dressed with DCs today. I’ve got good support from the crisis team and they have encouraged me to go out for a friends birthday tomorrow afternoon. Going to limit myself to three drinks and home early I think. I’m apprehensive that it’s too early to put myself out there but will feel shitter for cancelling on my friends.

Do you have much planned for the weekend?

Op. When you are remedicated never ever come off them. Bipolar never goes away you just manage it. It is totally shit but at least meds take the edge off. Hope u feel better soon.

Prozac also makes me manic and i was also triggered by my last birth. Have also been diagnosed 17 yrs

What medication are you on now Just? If you don’t mind me asking.

The only reason I stopped taking my medication before was because I couldn’t afford the prescription. I was up to my eyeballs in debt and living on my own with no help and then found myself on an even keel for a few years and thought it had gone.

Quetiapine, lamotrigine and procyclidine.
I can't take any ssris as I go high on all of them.
I'm trying to cope with a life without mania. Apparently my mood is 'stable' but to me it feels dead. If I stopped taking them I'd be poorly in a week.
Bipolar never goes. You should be entitled to PIP which would help with prescriptions. Sorry your DH isn't supportive when you're ill. Why were you discharged from the hospital when you're feeling awful? It may be the best thing for you.

I’ve heard so many horror stories about the side effects of Quetiapine, how do you find them?

DP has been really good over then past few days, as have his family, more so than mine which has been a massive support.

I had ALOT of waiting around to do before I was in a 136 suite and the police officers who stayed with me during that time were amazing to be honest. My mood stabilised and I felt well enough and safe enough to go home.

Also, I will look into PIP once I have seen a psychiatrist.

I’ve put it off for so long thinking that I wouldn’t be entitled to it.

You will.
It is what it is. Ive put 2stone on but i was hearing voices, thinking I could fly. So no choice really. I have no psychosis now and it stops mania. Lamotrigine is a weight neutral mood stabiliser (got the choice of lithium or that) and stops severe lows, but im pretty fed up at present-anniversary of traumatic birth.
It gave me sugar cravings and im sluggish. But calmer.
I lost my license so had to be stabilised to drive x