Tired of Anxiety

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I've had severe problems with anxiety since I was in my late teens. It's like a constant battle, as soon as I think I'm on top of it something or nothing triggers it and I'm back to square one. Everytime I feel stronger and like I've beaten it it smashes me back down again. I've had more CBT sessions than I can count, been on so many drugs, tried yoga, meditation, colouring... I just feel so utterly drained all of the time. No one I know has anxiety this bad, I see everyone else getting on with their lives and right now I feel bitter and jealous... a friend has gone off on a hen do and is having the time of her life while I'm here on a ball on the bedroom floor and I just can't control my body, it's constantly throwing new and awful symptoms at me and no matter what I do or how hard I tell myself that they can't hurt me they just feel so bloody real... I've hardly eaten in two days and I can barely function. I'm trying to keep myself busy but the second I stop my head just fills up with anxiety. I am so tearful I just don't know where to turn anymore, am I the only person that has it this bad? Why won't it just leave me alone...

I don’t have much advice but I could of written your post! When I had nothing to be anxious about I’d be anxious about what I’d be anxious about next.
The physical pain is all real, you feel like no one ever understands and your just called the worrier. I’d go shopping and watch people and I’d be so jealous because they seemed so happy and comfortable and I wanted to be.
I cry because I’m scared that I will always feel this way.
I almost feel like I’ve just learnt to live with it. I’ve done all the self help stuff and try to tell myself that I’ve got it all under control but deep down I know I haven’t.
I try to mentally put things in lists ‘can I change it’ if yes then change it and if I can’t then try to put it to one side and concentrate on what I can change.
Some days I wake and just go ‘fuck this’ and try to ignore it all day, almost like I’m pissed off ag someone but actually it’s the anxiety in me.
I’m sorry I have no advice but o want you to know that you’re not alone xx

Oh Betty that does sound exactly like me!! Sometimes when I'm not feeling anxious I have a wave of panic come over me that something must be seriously wrong because I feel normal, that's how unnatural normal levels feel to me now I suppose.

I totally get the thing where you get jealous looking at other people, I get so angry with myself because I avoid doing certain things just so I don't get anxious and I feel like I miss out on so much.

Some mornings like you (especially if I haven't slept well) I sit up and just go 'oh fuck off' if my hands are trembling or my heart is racing. It's like an old friend who I just can't stand but have unwillingly accepted will just always be there.

Drugs work ok when I get the doseage right but I have such a nightmare getting there (anxiety always gets 10 times worse while I'm getting used to them) then I always know I can't be on them forever and that this will always come back so I've just given up on them now.

Becasue of how tense and stressed I am all the time I'm almost always hurting somewhere, usually tension headaches and pains in my neck and shoulders, it's just constant. My sister is so strong and has never complained about anything in her life and I'm so envious, this makes me feel like I just can't live my life to the full I hate it... today is definitely an 'oh just fuck off' day

I will have the moments (very small moments) where I will say to my husband I just feel weird and different and he’s like no babe you feel relaxed. And then I panic because I almost don’t know how to cope with feeling ‘normal’
I’m trying to just accept this is it, it’s part of me.
I get neck pain and back pain, sometimes my jaw as well (I clench my jaw in my sleep)
I try telling people my worries, my mum or husband but they don’t get it, they try but they have no idea what’s it like.

But we are strong and it might be a constant battle but as long as we are fighting then we are winning! As tiring as it is xx

Hi! I’ve been lurking. Some of what you are saying rings true for me too, although I’m not diagnosed. I am always worrying. I replay conversations in my mind because I think I may have said something wrong. Younger when I went out I would drink to help me feel more relaxed when out. Didn’t realize how much I used this method to relax until I became pregnant and could no longer drink!
I’ve had one panic attack and last week I had the sweats followed by chills. I don’t know if you also fear death? I know it sounds weird but I’m worried about dying.
You are not alone, I’m struggling through too 🌸🌼💐