Work stress and personal despair

[NellyBT]

Hi, I wanted to write this down as I have limited people I can talk to, only one probably, my other half, and I don’t want to continue to burden them with my problems. I’m not too sure if I just want a place to express how I am feeling , or if I am looking for advice/help, but if you do have any or have been in a similar situation that would most definitely help. I feel like I am at rock bottom and I’m not sure what to do.

I have what I think to be a really stressful job, I have a daily two hour plus commute each way, work for a large firm and was promoted to lead a team of circa 7 at the end of last year, I used to be in the team, now I head it up, my role was not replaced so therefore a person down. I have also received no increase in salary for the extra responsibility and workload (this is a side issue as opposed to the main one). My team has limited ability and experience which means much of it falls on me. I simply do not have enough time to do all I am expected to do in a day, am constantly behind and see no way of ever being able to get back to being on a level playing field. I never finish at 5 and haven’t had a lunch break since I took the role as that would mean staying later each day to get stuff done. I feel like I am not operating at the best of my abilities, rushing to get things done, and not being prepared as I should. Which is a place I don’t like being.

When not at work I think about it constantly, to the point it ruins my time away from work as I can’t focus on things I should be enjoying, like spending time with my family. I have two young children and hardly get to see them, and when I am with them I feel like I’m not fully there, if you get what I mean. The same with my other half. I’m also snappier, distant and ‘off’ with those that care about me, particularly my OH and it’s causing arguments. My head is a mess full of fog.

I have suffered with depression in the past and was on anti-depressants for some time and managed to ween myself off them about a year ago, as I didn’t want to carry on taking them forever.

Really not sure what to do or how to resolve this, I would like to be able to just flick a switch and be back to my old self, but the damage has been caused over a period of time I just don’t know what to do.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far

I think the first step is to appoach your manager and explain you feel swamped because your team is a person down, and you have not time to train your team in many aspects so they can relieve you of some of the workload.
I would put it to him as a plan eg recruit 1 or even 2 new members to the team, provide x and y training for persons a, b, c and p & q training for persons d, e, f, g so as to cover all aspects of the team's work. As a team leader you need to be able to delegate as much as you can not taking on every task. So focus on your commute to thinking how you can train person A to do task z - can you free up some of your time or is there another person J in another team used to do z could train A?

Thanks Ariela for your advice that's really helpful.

One of the challenges I face is that the company will not employ any new personnel as they are on a drive to reduce head count and therefore cost. There is absolutely no chance of any new hires, which leaves a volume of work with limited people tho do it. This only fills me with dread as I know it will fall on my shoulders.

To compound matters I found out my boss is now leaving and will be working their notice for the next few months so likely won't give a dam about probs here and will be focusing in the next opportunity. So I will have a new boss at some point.

Any ideas, help or advice appreciated

Stop doing it all.

Imagine you’re in a boat race. You’re the person at the front with the megaphone. The team are facing you with the oars. It’s your job to give instruction, not to start rowing when things get tough.

Deal with any capability issues, and escalate issues to your boss. Being on notice doesn’t absolve them of responsibility.