I feel like a bad mum

[Newbabies15]

I had a bad day yesterday. I’m a new mum to twins - they are 4 months. They’ve been full on - until now. They feed every 4 hours and sleep through the night , they also nap pretty well in the day. All of a sudden I am unstimulated because it is not a challenge anymore.

The pregnancy , everyone telling me how awful it was going to be , and the first 4 months have been challenging but a huge ego boost as I’ve managed to do it all - I lost my confidence after losing a well paid job in 2015 and want to get going with a new career now.

Since 2 weeks ago my mother in law has offered to help with the childcare - which I welcomed as I want my twins to have as much stimulation as possible from different people - I think it’s healthy.

My problem is this - I think I’m a bad mum for wanting a career/more for myself. I’ve just had twins and they are only 4 months - I should be enjoying them - but I’m bored - I just feed them and keep them clean.

Anyone got any words of wisdom? I feel so guilty.

Do you think fathers feel guilty for working? No!
You concentrating on your career will better your children’s life , that’s a good thing, you’re being a great Mum.

I’ve just cried with that reply. Why do we as mothers put so much pressure on ourselves. I didn’t think I’d be this way. My husband is so supportive of me and said he thinks it’s good for the children to have a happy mum and a mother with a good career. Before having them I always looked down upon career women - thinking they were selfish and ungrateful. I am eating my thoughts and words! 🙈

Whispers; ‘Babies are really quite dull.’
You go for it, you sound amazing.

Wow. What a problem to have op! You are confident, coping and ready to consider your career.

I was expecting to come on to try and talk down a train-wreck! That is brilliant. I think a career is great.

Will dh be a team player? Will he leave work in the middle of the day half of the times when they start sick at nursery? Will he attend half the sports days, school plays, teacher~parent interviews, etc? Make sure you iron out these issues now - much easier at this point that when the rubber hits the road.

One baby is hard going never mind twins

You are being honest with yourself and that does NOT make you a bab Mum, it makes you a switched on one. Sounds as if you’re doing a pretty bloody marvellous nob btw if twins are napping and sleeping well.

I’ve got three under five and I dream about the day I can go back to work. If it’s right for you and you have support you can rely on then go for it.

Motherhood is a lot of eating your words btw so get used to it 😉

Christ the typos. Think you know what I mean 🙈

I'm with you OP, my DS is 18 months and I'm desperate to go back to work now. So much so that, since I haven't found a job yet, I'm actually going back to uni full time in September, because I can't face another year at home with a small child. And you've got TWO to cope with gets down on knees and worships OP

The first few months were full on, but I managed. Then we moved to a new area last summer, where I know nobody. DS has been walking/running since Christmas and I'm at the end of my tether chasing after him all day long. It's really, really boring and EXHAUSTING to boot.

My original plan was to stay at home until he started school, but I've accepted that I'm not made to be a SAHM. He'd be better spending his days with a childminder who is good at games, enjoys going for walks and knows how to stimulate him, instead of hanging out around supermarkets with a frazzled mum. I've found that when I've had the occasional day out without him, everyone's much happier when mummy comes home, instead of her pulling her hair out and counting down the minutes to Daddy coming home at 7pm.

It doesn't make you a bad mum. If anything, it makes you a better one, for having the courage to make a decision and finding a way forward works best for everyone. Happy mum = happy family!

They much more interesting when they start and do things. I remember that boring stage when I said they same thing to DS ‘Did you have a nice nap? While you were napping Mummy empty the dishwasher and sterilised your bottle. Would you like some milk now?’. It was tedious.

Soon she turned into a non sleeping nightmare and weaning was never ending.

At two she is truely awesome.