I can't admit this anywhere. But I'm not in a good place. I’ve name changed for this as I have threads on other parts of MN which I don’t want to be associated with this.
Single mother to an almost 3 year (3 years old later this week). And I just cannot seem to manage.
My flat is a mess, considering it's only me, DD and a cat it's hard to see why. I get 3 days to myself a week due to DD being in Nursery, and yet I can't motivate myself to clean.
I give myself a timer of 10 or 15 minutes, then reward myself but when I'm not getting any enjoyment out of things that doesn't actually help so watching TV or eating my favourite meal isn't something to look forward to or motivate myself. So the washing isn't done, the rubbish isn't taken out and it's piling up, and I don't know how to fix this. My ExH hurt us both, in this flat and so I associate it with such negative experiences so I assume that’s not helping. And his grip is still on me, and his family, I am struggling to get away. I can’t leave the flat because I’m so scared he’ll take her from me, but I am also not able to help myself. I hate myself for this. I want to move but can’t while the situation is so bad, round and round we go.
My DD is now on a "child in need plan" due to home conditions which attribute to neglect due to my housing association doing repairs and reporting me, they’re threatening to kick me out of my home anyway due to rent arrears and the conditions, so I’m up shit creek without a paddle. And I don’t know how to fix this. I’m not even sure I want to.
I can parent her fine to a point, and I love her so much but is letting her go the better thing for her?
I have no-one. Externally it looks like I am happy and managing, but I can’t tell anyone because my brother has serious mental health problems which my mum is a carer for him, she tells me that she worries for him, that she is scared of losing him and I don’t think she realises that I am struggling on my own and I need that help, and I don’t want to worry her because she has enough going on without worrying about me. I have hardly anything to do with my dad as he’s a homophobic racist twat and I don’t want to associate with that. I have friends but I am a burden, they all have worse problems than me. I have no-one to talk to. So I’m sinking and don’t know how to help myself. Do I fight against myself to keep my DD or do I let her go to somewhere where she can be properly looked after and focus on getting myself into a better headspace?
Help me, to help myself please? Anything that got you out of the rut? I am on antidepressants, but I’m not actually depressed, I’m just anxious and scared. I don’t want to harm myself and I’m not suicidal, but I just feel helpless and stuck.
So please, I’m begging, anything that you found to help, please tell me. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety and Depression as well as PTSD, although the PTSD symptoms aren’t the worst at the moments, it’s the GAD that’s causing the most issues.