I have suffered anxiety all of my life, some of my earliest memories feature anxiety of one sort or another. For example, as a very small child I remember being taken to a children's event where I was dropped off, and being extremely anxious that I would not remember my phone number, to an almost crippling level. Another example is being in a child's play group but being completely isolated, sad, scared and on my own while the other "normal" children all played and laughed and had a fun time together.
I'm now in my 30's but still suffer from anxiety. I'm able to live a pretty normal life, have a job and am happily married, but I still get very anxious in social situations which I feel is lowering my quality of life. Phone calls are difficult, and I also fixate on other people's opinions of me, even strangers who might give me a disapproving look for something, I'll keep thinking about it for days afterwards.
There's a large extended family gathering coming up, and I really don't want to go. However my in-laws don't understand and think I'm just being cold/distant. I'm quite a private person and I don't want to go into all of my issues with them (they can be quite gossipy) so I feel I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I have tried therapy but it did not help me at all. Even the act of going to therapy was extremely difficult for my anxiety, as fundamentally I feel people don't like me, even my therapist (I think this is probably perceived on my end). I think I tend to hyper analyse people's reactions to me and come up with a negative conclusion that I'm fundamentally unlikeable.
I have not suffered any childhood trauma, aside from being brought up in a very religious household where I felt I had to be someone I wasn't, and could not feel comfortable to express myself fully. My mother is a very anxious person also, although hers is very understandable as she suffered terrible abuse growing up.
I'm now wondering if medication may help me, and while I know a GP would be the best person to speak to, I'm also worried the medication would somehow mess me up more with side effects. I'm looking for other people's experiences of what has/hasn't helped them cope with anxiety?