Warning, may be upsetting: I don't know how much longer I can keep it up.

[northernirishgirlonline18]

I thought I had posted on this thread before, but it was either removed or I mustn't have saved it properly.

I am currently in £30k worth of debt due to payday loans and being off work/losing my job due to my PTSD diagnosis. Tbf around £14k is my own debt, the rest is my OH.

We are on a debt management plan, but I can't do this anymore, I am lucky enough that at the moment I am paid weekly. By the time Thursday rolls around I have £0.50p left until the next day.

I budget like crazy, shop in charity shops and Lidl and am being so careful with money. The absolute only thing I splurge on for me is coffee.

It's going to take 2 years of debt management before this clears unless I get a higher paid job, OH can't as he's in the HMF, so it's down to me. I was accepted into one of the best universities in NI to become a Child Psychologist, wouldn't need to pay for the course as I am entitled to a grant, but OH said absolutely no way given the debt situation.

I already suffer so badly with symptoms of severe anxiety, depression and panic attacks due to my PTSD, but our financial situation has sent me off the Richter scale.

The issue is, if one of us could actually just get a loan to consolidate the debt into one payment, we could afford to pay it, but no one will give us one.

I've tried just about everything other than selling my body (online or off!) and which I just wouldn't do, but nothing has helped. I don't sleep, I don't eat and I cry all the time.

I hate the job I am in at the moment, it pays a crappy wage, the hours are ridiculous and the people I work with are just so negative that it drags me down.

Sorry to be such a "Debbie Downer", but I just don't know what to do. My credit rating has gone to crap, it's literally 19/700, 19! Even after DMP, it'll be 6 years before all the defaults clear, even though we went to the DMP before the accounts were anywhere near defaults.

You can say it's my own fault and you're right, it is. I tried to carry on working when my PTSD was at it's worst and I ended up sicker than I think I have ever been. I have tried to commit suicide 3 times over the financial situation, still, no one will help us. Just revert us to the DMP's available.

I just don't know how long I can keep going like this without one day succeeding in ending my life.

I'm not doing this for attention, I am sorry if I upset anyone, but I'm hoping someone, somewhere will have some advice other than "you just have to keep going with the DMP".

My friend even set up a go fund me page, with the premise that I was using it to get surgery on my lip from a birth defect my birth mother bestowed on me, she was an alcoholic and drank throughout pregnancy resulting in a hairlip/cleft palate.

My friend lied about the reason for the go fund me as she knows I'm deeply embarrassed about what has happened as I am usually the sensible one.

Didn't want to read and run OP. Talk to citizens advice about what other help you might be able to get with debt management.

I assume you're already seeing the GP and other help professionals regarding your PTSD and suicide attempts but If not, please do so as a matter of absolute urgency.

Perhaps a new job could be on the cards? There's no harm in looking while you continue where you are. Either a better wage or a better work environment could help massively - both would be ideal.

Good luck

I think you need to get it in perspective. People don't get put in prison for debt any more, and neither do they get transported to Australia! Loads of people have debt - students are graduating with over £30K of debt and no certainty of a good job afterwards.

You need to see the CAB or someone similar. Maybe bankruptcy might be an option? Again, not as scary as it sounds! Please calm down tough, nothing is worth all this worry!

Thanks so much, both for your lovely words.

I've put a call into the CAB and will arrange to call in and have a chat with them.

CAB really are fantastic. I would definitely look for another job as I don't think that is helping your MH at all. Of course it may take time to get something but it's amazing what job satisfaction can do for your MH. Even if it is for the same wage you're on now, if the job was less stressful and even enjoyable I think you'd benefit massively.

I've seen my mom buried in debt. It took her over 10 years on a DMP to clear it but she did and she's completely debt free and happy! I know it feels like it will never end but 2 years is such a short time in the grand scheme of things and then you'll be completely debt free! I know every day feels like a year when you're struggling but the end is in sight and if you've managed for this long you are definitely strong enough to last a little longer!!

Wishing you lots of luck

What about an IVA / bankruptcy? Worth talking to CAB about I think.

Is your DMP with someone like StepChange? Is it worth phoning and going through costs again because it sounds like you’re not having enough left over for yourself. You may have underestimated expenditures. Better for it to take slightly longer to pay off than to live in that misery.