AIBU in asking for help?

[Nutellaand]

So a brief background. I suffered mental health issues in childhood due to a family bereavement at a young age (I lost my mum age 8)

However in adulthood been pretty much ok, have successful career my own business, im single - not huge group of friends.

I had been feeling a bit in edge recently, very irritated, snappy, emotional, struggling to concentrate, work getting on top of me etc. I took myself off to the dr a couple of weeks ago, they suggested a number of things. I opted not for pills but started some counselling privately. However yesterday I had a complete breakdown. I just got to breaking point and felt like I couldn’t really go on anymore. I’d never felt like this before, I didn’t eat the whole day, I was shaking and couldn’t stop crying.

I knew there was something seriously wrong and I was worried I would do something I regretted so I contacted 3 people: 1st was my business partner as I had to leave work. I told him I felt seriously unwell and was quite worried about myself. His response was ‘you have nothing to be sad about’ and that I should come back to work and everything would be better.

I then called my dad. Who I think was a bit shocked and didn’t really know what to say.

Then I called my best friend. Again I explained I was in a really desperate situation. He was a bit busy.

Now I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, I know being called in the middle of the day by someone balling their eyes out saying they might kill themselves out the blue can put someone in a tight spot and they might not know what to say.

I got through the day. I’m not entirely sure how... I nearly took myself to A+E as I didn’t want to be in the home alone but I’m so worried about wasting time of NHS. I’m feeling slightly better today the exhaustion is wearing off and I know I need to get help so I’m off to the dr again later. But I’m also feeling a bit meh that not one of the people I contacted yesterday- probably the 3 closest people in my life haven’t to get in contact with me last night or this morning ? No ‘are you ok?’ Or ‘What’s going on?’ It’s really made me rethink my relationships, as I would be there no matter what for these 3 people.

AIBU??

I’m not going to say anything but I do feel quite down about it - but that could just be my mental state

Sorry for the long message.

I'm sorry this happened to you and you are feeling this way OP. It doesn't help that the people you called were not helpful at all, you are not being Aibu. They are actually being really selfish...as for your business partners response. That's terrible.
I can understand the feelings you had, I myself had a breakdown a few months ago now, I phoned 111 and I had to go to a and e. I don't want to make you feel worse but I think you need to phone a professional (111 or doctor) to tell them about what happened yesterday, as you could become unwell again.
If you feel you haven't got support ring Samaritans or your local crisis team, they will be a lot more helpful.
I hope the people you phoned acted like this because they were shocked...I do think when you feel better you need to have words with them. It was a time of need for you and they weren't there.
I hope this helps
X

Sorry to hear you're feeling so unsupported at this difficult time.

I would imagine that your friends/dad were taken by surprise and perhaps didn't know how to react? Totally crap but actually quite common and it doesn't mean that they don't love or care for you. I am going to hazard a guess and say that you're the kind of person that outwardly at least copes with anything and is the one others turn to for help and support?
Also, I notice that they were all men. All stereotypes aside, men often have a pragmatic rather than empathetic approach to problems which could explain it.

Going for counselling is a brave step and will no doubt help you better understand how and why you feel the way you do and give you the strategies to get you through it, however things can get worse before they get better, especially if you're opening old wounds which haven't properly healed.

I think it would be a good idea to go back to your gp and find out more about possible medication for off-kilter brain chemistry.
Also, would it be possible to bring forward your next appointment with your counsellor?

I also lost my mother as a young child and I'm not sure it's something I'll ever truly get over. I hardly knew her but her absence has at least in part shaped who I have become and is, I feel, like a fault line running through my life and psyche. Please try to love and nurture yourself. 💐

Hi nutellaland Sorry you are feeling so bad and had a scary experience.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. You reached out to 3 people in need of support and from a pretty desperate place and they didn't react in a supportive or helpful way. It may be that they were really shocked as it was so out of the blue and they didn't know what to say. But that doesn't help you! I'd be annoyed too. Can you talk to them when you're feeling a bit better about how disappointed you are? I do find that people with no experience of mental health issues can freeze or clam up and have no clue what to say – does this apply to these 3?

Do you have any other friend you could talk to who might be more understanding? If not I second DotCottonssoggyfag in saying that you could call the Samaritans. Hope your doctor's appointment goes well and you start getting the help you need. x

Thanks for the responses

I don’t really want to make it an issue or make them feel bad. I was just really surprised by their responses.

I’ve got to go into work later this afternoon now and finish up and some stuff (even though I really don’t want to) so I’ll see my business partner then. I doubt he will talk about it, he’s already message me this morning and not asked me anything about it... It’s just really strange. I know there’s a stigma around mental health and I know guys really have issues but I never realised how much of barrier there is!

I have two really good girl friends but they’re going through their own stuff at the moment and I wouldn’t want to bother them.

Next counselling session is on Saturday.

Wow bloody well done for having the energy determination to go into work feeling like you do.
It doesn’t just come one day and then go the next, and how your male partner expects this is ignorant and selfish

I’d feel alone if I’d of reached out to people and not one rang or text to see if I was ok the next day from such a phone call.

I’m in exactly the same situation right now, obviously older than you and retired.
But dp doesn’t know what/how to help/cope with me, he will still go about his things for the day, expect me to cook unless I say do your own when I can’t eat.
Yesterday I was at a&e to see the Raid team from exactly the same thoughts you were having. He seemed pissed of we were going up there again (5 weeks later) and knew we were going to have to sit there for a few hours to see someone. But hey he was the sane one! I was the poorly one.

I think to myself sometimes am I not thinking straight with his actions on leaving me alone when I’d just been suicidal. I’d never leave him or at least if it was really really important take him with me.
He just goes to bed and leaves me downstairs, still today hasn’t said how you feeling( I’m lay on sofa shattered) but as asked if I want a brew.

Take care, and vent on hear lots in the same boat and we care xx

I know I feel you, I’m bloody exhausted.

I just think if someone told me they were in the position I was in yesterday I would think ok 1. Are you with anyone ?
And then try and get them to a safe place.
I wasn’t expecting them to drop their whole lives and run to me.
But they all knew I was alone and then just kind of left me to it..... the more I think about it the more confused I am to their reactions...

@haribogril
He’s probably not asked because he’s scared what you might say ? Which is maybe the same case in my scenario also ...

But it just comes accross uncaring unfortunately ☹️

Probably right ,
if I get on with things he thinks it’s gone and I’m fine.
It doesn’t work like that, it’s a hard exhausting slog. But because he can get through with a headache and do things he think with anxiety/depression I can do the same
If I had 2 broken legs or cancer ,do I spring back to it then. NO
I also think is my thinking out of line, but I’d never leave anyone who I was with suicidal to go out for a walk

If you run your own business can you not take time off and do it st home?
Did you go back to gp today? Have you managed any food?

Unfortunately working from home is not an option, I’m trying to find cover but it’s very hard. I managed two hours and then got very tearful and decided enough was enough (no thanks to my business partner, who demanded an apology from me as he said he had to do additional hours to cover me, and still didn’t actually ask if I was ok)

I managed a bit f chocolate... and that’s it all day. I text my friend the one I called and I said that I was surprised he hadn’t been in touch ... he hasn’t responded.

I really feel like I’m being unreasonable somehow by people’s reactions ☹️

Aww
Don’t let him make you feel bad, he’s a shit bag with no compassion
You look after yourself because if you don’t they certainly won’t
You are paramount

I can imagine your feeling alone in this and yanbu thinking like you do
Anyone would feel the same, it’s not your state of mind

You really need to get some food
Your tummy must be sore with no food in it
I know it’s hard to eat(been there lots of times) piece of toast, banana
Soup

Are you managing to sleep?
Do you have to go in tomorrow?
Be kind to yourself, and put yourself first x

Sleep on and off. Waking up early.

Didn’t go in today and just switched my phone off in the morning until now. I’ve arranged cover for tomorrow also so gives me some time to recover a bit hopefully.